“Deployment” is a dreaded word that sends heartache through each of us, whether you’re a spouse who’s new to this lifestyle or have been at it for years. Truthfully, in terms of time, I’d probably be considered a seasoned spouse. When it comes to my feelings though, it often feels like I was thrown into this world of unknowns yesterday.
My husband and I recently celebrated our 11-year anniversary, and honestly, time has flown by. So much has changed – our family has grown by two, we’ve experienced three different duty stations, and over the past few years, he’s been home every single day, and we’ve embraced being comfortable in that.
This felt like a preview of what the rest of our lives could look like, since he was approaching 20 years of service and retiring soon. Then, retirement was taken off the table and replaced with deployment. Our world — the bubble we spent the last three years building and thriving in — was shattered.
I knew I’d have to remember what it was like to do everything. Honestly, my husband had spoiled me in the best of ways during his shore duty. He managed so many pieces of our day-to-day life. He did the dishes, handled bath and bedtime, grilled on the weekends, rubbed my back whenever I asked, and even set up my foot spa when he knew I’d had a long day. We grew into a true partnership and deployment changed that.
There was no preparing for him to be gone. It was impossible to find the headspace I had let myself drift so far from. I was miserable. Looking back on all the deployments in our 11-year relationship, I remember feeling sad and down for a few days, then bouncing right back to reality. We always spent more time apart than together. But this time, I was used to his presence. I was used to him being here, every day, all day. It’s been a few months, and he’ll be home soon, but this deployment has been more difficult than the ones that came before it.
I’ve been able to care for the kids and handle all the things that a mom does, but I’ve been a mess. I wasn’t sleeping or eating, just crying and missing him. The days turned into weeks, and we all know what weeks turned into. Eventually, the tears stopped, and only the missing remained. Slowly, I started to find my footing. I began taking care of the house, grocery shopping, even tried to catch up on the laundry (though I’ll admit, I failed miserably).
We found a sense of routine, which includes voicing all the things we can’t wait to share with Daddy when he comes home. We end every day with a pre-recorded bedtime book to hear his voice as he tells us how much he loves and misses us, calling us each by name.
This deployment felt like the very first one and that’s because it was. It was our first time as a family, and we all collectively hated it. We are so proud of our sailor and promise to be standing on the pier in our red, white and blue outfits to welcome him home.
Yes, I did all the typical deployment spouse things. I attempted to clean and get organized, kept myself busy, and of course, tried to exercise and eat healthy. Seasoned spouses take each deployment one day at a time, just like everyone else. We got this, y’all. Until next time!
Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.
