Woman and her two children smiling in car

Teenage Dating: Confidence and Kindness

The 15-minute car ride home from middle school every afternoon is unpredictable. Are we going to drive in absolute silence after seven hours of overstimulation? Will I be on the receiving end of misdirected frustration? Will it be a vent session? Or, my personal favorite, will I get the semi-regular social update — cringeworthy moments, cliques, crushes and couples?

These four Cs are at the center of the teenage universe. They can drive decision-making, shape personalities during this incredibly impressionable time, even influence appearance. Talking about them with anyone — especially someone as lame as a parent — is vulnerable. That’s why, as a teen, I didn’t talk about these things at home. That’s also why I feel proud and privileged when our kids share these things with me.

It wasn’t until this year that things started to get interesting on the dating front at our house. Previously, young “love” interests just held our (then) 4-year-old son’s hand on the soccer field or picked our (then) kindergartner daughter some flowers. I try my best to listen (and control my face) when I hear about breakups, flirting, new couples and all the drama in between. Occasionally, I hear so-and-so and so-and-so are “going out.” Where are they going? They’re 13. And, when I do offer advice, it’s realistic — none of this pie-in-the-sky stuff that worked like a charm in a 90s sitcom but has no place in the real world.

Teen posing in front of sign stating, “Radiate like the Sun”

The advice I give our kids varies depending on the circumstances — and my advice to you as a parent helping a teen navigate dating or just the social scene in general is to always get context and know the cast of characters. At the heart of any advice though, there are two key themes: kindness and confidence, and here are just a few ways I’ve explained them to our kids.

Kindness

This is that notorious golden rule coming back around. It’s amazing how just prioritizing kindness can simplify this whole scary world of teen dating:

  • Don’t be that guy (or girl). If someone bares their feelings to you, even if you don’t feel the same, understand how much courage it takes to do that. Be gentle with other people’s hearts.
  • Get what you give. People who say they care about you should be kind to you, respect you and support you.

Confidence

Confidence in dating is the flipside of the kindness coin:

  • Say something. Have the courage to say the things you feel, whether that’s, “I like you,” or “I’m sorry,” or simply, “No.” These things are not at all easy to say, but having the confidence to say them is better than the pressure of containing them.
  • Know your worth. You’re amazing. Don’t put up with people who make you feel less than that. Have the confidence to walk away from a bad fit, anything remotely toxic or a relationship you’ve outgrown.

Bonus: Honesty

Just as I continue to bang the kindness and confidence drums, I also constantly reinforce honesty — with themselves and with me. If there is a situation they don’t know how to navigate, we can figure it out together. If they have a gut feeling about a person or relationship, I want them to listen to it and trust it.

And, while the idea of letting them learn the ropes of relationships and — inevitably — heartbreak is downright terrifying, our kids have a captive audience in me. We’ll navigate these uncharted waters together. I promise to keep the life lectures and awkwardness to a minimum if they promise to keep talking.

Lizann and her husband taking a selfie

What I Love About My Marine

Everyone loves a man in uniform, right? As the wife of a Marine, I know I certainly do! My husband spent 23 years in the Marine Corps, and I was either dating him or married to him for every one of those years. There are so many reasons I love and admire him, whether he’s wearing the dress blues or not.

However, when I talk about my husband to people who haven’t met him, I often encounter unfortunate stereotypes and unfair judgments. Yes, he spent two decades enlisted in the Marine Corps infantry, which meant a lot of combat deployments to the Middle East. So yeah, he has earned some Purple Heart scars from those years. It’s true when he enlisted he didn’t have a college degree. If you think those facts mean you can label him as a “dumb grunt” or a “crayon-eater” (yes, these are real terms people use for infantry Marines), then you’d be wrong.

My husband may be a Marine, but he does not fit the stereotypes. He’s so much more. I love him for all that he is, scars and all. Some of his lovable qualities existed before the Marine Corps, while others developed during his time in the military. This Valentine’s Day, I want to share with you some of the lovable qualities of a real-life Marine.

Lizann and her husband kissing

I love my Marine because…

  • He’s a lifelong learner. He didn’t have a college degree when he joined the military, but he more than made up for that during his time in service. Taking advantage of the Tuition Assistance Program, he took one college class at a time and didn’t pay out of pocket. It took almost 10 years to earn his bachelor’s (with lots of interrupted time because of desert deployments), but he did it! He kept going. One class at a time, one paper at a time and finally completed his master’s thesis just before retiring from the Marines. I’m so proud of him and grateful he was able to transfer his G.I. Bill to our children to enrich their educational journeys.
  • He’s passionate about his hobbies. You might assume that male Marines — especially in the infantry community — are all interested in testosterone-filled activities like working out, hunting, driving muscle cars or skydiving, but that’s not always the case. I’ve known men in his community to have hobbies ranging from fashion to music and from card games to fine dining. My husband’s always been talented with sports and weapons, but his indoor hobbies are more “nerdy,” with a focus on history, board games and collecting books. He pursues his interests with passion, which has always impressed me, even if I don’t quite share the same hobby. I love how he pursues his interests wholeheartedly, with joy and confidence. I’m honored to still be his main interest, even after more than two decades together!
  • He has a great worldview. Like many service members, my husband’s military career allowed him to travel and “see the world,” namely the Middle East, Europe and Eastern Asia. I was lucky to join him for a three-year assignment in Spain. Whenever he encountered a new culture, he always found something to respect and admire, even if it was dramatically different from his own beliefs. To this day, he speaks highly of individuals and traditions from other parts of the world. I love his admiration and ability to humanize people everywhere, even if he doesn’t speak their language.
  • He’s attentive to budgeting. There’s a stereotype that enlisted service members live paycheck to paycheck, paying high interest rates on cars they can’t afford. And yes, my husband did buy a new truck as soon as he graduated from boot camp at age 19. He’s come a long way since then! Now, he’s the one who tracks the spending, researches investments and plans our vacations. His smart saving and investing strategies have helped us buy two houses and raise a large family. Not every Marine is wise with their money, but I’m so grateful that he’s been willing to learn and make strong financial choices for our future.

I love a Marine who is handsome, intelligent and complex. He’s bigger than most of the stereotypes people have about enlisted infantrymen. Like many service members, there’s much more to him than a uniform, a rank or a specific career field. I’m so proud to love my one-of-a-kind Marine, and I hope that this love letter will help others look for depth before stereotyping service members.

Lizann and her husband smiling at each other

Young child painting

Ways To Entertain Kids Indoors During the Colder Months

After moving to Washington, we are trying to adopt the local mantra: “No bad weather, just bad clothing.” As a military family, we are determined to embrace the lifestyle wherever we are. To be honest, since moving to rainy Washington, we’ve realized that some days it’s harder to endure the climate than others. Sometimes, a gloomy, rainy day in the forties does feel like bad weather, and no one wants to go out in it.

When asked for Christmas gift ideas for our children this past December, we begged family members for indoor entertainment. After living in the south for so long, a long and cold winter was foreign to us, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about it. Our Christmas lists included lots of play equipment and tools that would keep our children busy and, more importantly, get their energy out within the walls of our house for our first Pacific Northwest winter.

For any other parents out there looking for some ideas this winter, here is a list I’ve come up with for some of our favorite ways to entertain children indoors:

1. Indoor play equipment: Thankfully, our home has a large playroom with a high ceiling, so I will say this category might be tricky for those working with small spaces. However, if you do have the room (even a garage works), some of these things might be possible for you:

  • Small bounce house: This was Santa’s big gift this year, and we were able to fit it in our Christmas budget by utilizing our favorite store’s annual 25% off one toy/book coupon! You should have seen the look on our children’s faces when they walked down the stairs on Christmas morning. It doesn’t get much better for a kid than a bounce house with an enclosed ball pit in their house. I’ll also note that the ball pit was a major hit for our one-year-old, who doesn’t know how to bounce quite yet.
  • Modular play couch: There are some well-known brands and some cheaper versions that work just the same. We have had one for three years now, and it has been a great investment for us. We use ours most often to build forts and make vehicle ramps. They also make wonderful floor mattresses for sleepovers.
  • Fold up play tents and tunnels: We have a 5-in-1 play tunnel that includes a foldable play tent, a large teepee and ball pit that all connect with tunnels and a tie system. It has been so wonderful for all three of our kids and can easily fold up for minimal storage space. We also have a foldable playhouse that my little girls have so much fun decorating and playing imaginary games in.
  • Stepping stones: These are a win-win-win! They’re dirt cheap. Kids of all ages love them. They stack for minimal storage and provide hours of fun for make-believe games while also promoting balance and coordination skills in children.

2. Sensory bins: This has always been one of my indoor go-tos as a mother, especially after having a little boy who loves a good sensory experience. There are many pre-assembled sensory bins that exist for purchasing online but I enjoy the process of collecting items to make my own. It has become a creative outlet for me over the years. Sensory bins can feel daunting to make, but they only take three components: a base, props and tools. For instance, as a base, you can use any sort of filler, such as kinetic sand, Cheerios, beans, rice or even water! For props, simply choose some figurines like animals or small dolls. For fun, you can add in tiny vehicles, sequins, gemstones, rocks, etc. For tools, a simple spoon will work, or there are “fancier” tool sets online. If doing water play, you can add in some droppers and even some food coloring for a more colorful experience. I personally like to pick a theme and run with it.

My favorite sensory bin I ever made was outer-space themed. It had a base of black beans. I used several different props, such as sparkly star-shaped beads, mini planet bouncy balls, astronaut/outer space figurines, balled-up tin foil (space rocks) and glow-in-the-dark stars. My son spent two entire hours playing in it with just his hands and a spoon. I forgot to mention that little hands make a great tool as well!

3. Rotating table activities: Once the sunny summer climate began to dissipate here in Washington, and we found ourselves having more wet than dry days, I finally mustered up the motivation to take on the project of organizing our cabinets in the dining room to make space for activity supplies. I wanted to have a system that allowed me to quickly whip out some table activities for one or multiple kids whenever we found a lull in the day. I purchased some small and cheap plastic bins that fit perfectly on the shelves of the cabinets. I designated an activity for each bin, including watercolors, sticker books, play dough, kinetic sand, scribble scrubby animals (with markers), and lastly, a marker bin including regular markers and also our favorite dot markers. I don’t have a formal schedule for how I rotate our table activities; in fact, I like to take a child-led approach in this case. For instance, I will often give the kids options such as, “Would you like to do play dough or watercolor painting today?” and go with what they prefer. I never want my kids to feel forced to do an activity that’s meant to be fun, so I make sure I am getting out an activity that they will enjoy.

4. Monthly themes and activity bins: I began this last winter, when I found myself struggling to entertain my older two children indoors while I cared for their new baby sister. I sat down one day and made a list of every month, and I picked a theme (or two) for each month. I began a rhythm of collecting thematic activities, crafts and books to keep in a monthly bin. I could write an entire book on this because I enjoyed it so much! For now, I will just give some examples. I will also note that you can tie the first three ideas above into this one. Let your imagination go wild with how to relate your indoor play scenarios, sensory bins and table activities to your monthly themes.

One of my favorite months — just to give an example of how I do this — is February. (I will say, this month is extra fun if you have daughters!) The theme I chose last year was hearts and unicorns. For activities, I found some cheap Valentine’s Day coloring and sticker books. I made heart-shaped ice cubes, and we painted them with watercolors. We made heart- and unicorn-shaped cookies and decorated them with icing and sprinkles. We made Daddy heart-shaped sourdough biscuits on Valentine’s Day. We had fun with simple math activities like counting and making patterns with conversation hearts. We made beaded heart bracelets for each other. We made valentines to send in the mail to our loved ones. I made a unicorn sensory bin with sparkly pom poms and pipe cleaners to build unicorn houses. I found several Valentine’s-themed books at the library.

I know this can sound overwhelming and like a lot of work. If you invest just a small amount of time and money each month, you can slowly build up your monthly bins over the years to have some fun things.  My favorite thing about monthly bins is changing up activities for the kids each month and more importantly, having these fun and new ways to engage with my children at home. It also makes it so effortless when you have a single bin that you can grab and pull from as you please. My best advice is to keep the bin accessible, such as on a high countertop or shelf — away from little hands — but in a place where you will see it often.

It can feel like a lot of effort to entertain your kids indoors, and that’s because it is. My best tip is to have fun with it and channel your inner creativity, and I promise it will be a fun time. Then on the days when you are struggling to motivate yourself to be “fun mom,” just bundle the kids up in their rain or cold weather gear, and you’ll find that nature offers endless activities with zero prep work for mom. You just have to learn to embrace the weather wherever you are and whatever it may be.

It’s OK (and necessary sometimes) to have fun indoors, too!

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