Sydney’s children eating snacks

Solo Parenting Hacks

Solo parenting seasons are a regular occurrence in the lives of military spouses — sometimes only for a few days, but sometimes they can last several months. Regardless of the duration, these times can be tough. They can challenge everything we ever knew about motherhood; and — as they stretch us about as thin as we can get — can bring out the very worst of us. We surely grow from these times, one way or another.

After almost eight years of being an Army spouse, I feel confident going into these stretches with my kids. I try to see each TDY or deployment as an opportunity to level up — finding new strategies and mindsets to carry me through the long days. Of course, I’d always rather have the company and help of my husband, but I’ve learned several things I can do to make life easier when he is away, and even simple joys I can look forward to.

Below, I will list some of my favorite hacks I use to survive these seasons. Most of them are things you can prepare for well in advance, so you’ll be equipped if you find yourself in a similar situation.

1. Prepare for the “curse.”

Scenario (based on a true story): Your husband must leave on another TDY. Just 10 days; you got this! It will be a breeze; 10 days is nothing compared to a 9-month deployment and the last two years of nonstop training exercises in the field.

But then he leaves. Immediately, your car battery dies, and two of your three children come down with the flu. You spend the next six days barely leaving the house, barely eating, barely sleeping, barely surviving. You think if you hear one more person cough, you might just run away forever and never come back. They finally recover, and you look forward to the normal week ahead. BAM! Child 3/3 goes down, almost like she planned it that way. Child #2, who is now recovered from the flu, breaks her wrist in a fluke accident in the playroom, and now you are taking all of your children to the emergency room by yourself because you refuse to leave them with anyone you love and trust, because you refuse to give anyone you love and trust the flu. You somehow survived all of that, and then a few days later, you get the worst UTI of your life and are back at the emergency room.

I’ve heard plenty of other stories like this. A friend who stepped on a nail that went an inch deep in her foot the day after her husband left. Another friend whose daughter ran into the stairwell and had to get staples in her head, and then this same friend threw out her back the day after and could barely function.

So, count on the curse. When your spouse leaves, things will go wrong. Have a plan and know who your people are, because you may very well need them.

2. Modify your routines.

This is perhaps my most practical self coming out here. Be a realist and ask yourself what is important. Do your kids really need a bath every single night? If you usually bathe them every other night, maybe change it to 1-2 times per week.

Start the bedtime routine earlier each evening. When you have half the help, it will take twice the time. So, by starting the kids’ bedtime routine early, you will get your kids to bed at the same time as normal. I also like to modify our bedtime routine, by putting my two oldest children to bed together. Instead of reading each book in their own rooms and doing separate prayers, I have them alternate each night. One night my son gets to pick the book, and we read in his bed and he says the prayer. The next night, my daughter gets to pick a book, and we read in her bed, and she says the prayer. This helps make bedtime more efficient, and kids have fun switching up the routine like this. My best advice is to make it as fun as possible!

One last routine change-up: Make the hour after dinner a sacred family time of resetting the house together. I recommend you start this routine as soon as possible so your kids know the drill. My kids know I expect more of them when their dad is gone, and they need to help pick up the house more than usual. I usually give them each a specific cleaning task (I will tell my son to clean up the magnetic tiles and my daughters to clean up the play food and baby dolls), and I monitor them while I tidy up the kitchen from dinner. When I’m done loading the dishes, I will help them finish tidying up the house. This makes my life so much simpler, and then I know once they are asleep, I can take a bit of time for myself to unwind and recharge, rather than tackle the entire house by myself. This routine will not only make your life easier, but it will also teach your children some responsibility and accountability.

3. Simplify your life.

Sometimes, it’s nice to embrace a little convenience, even if it means taking shortcuts that might cost a bit more or aren’t the most eco-friendly option. Whether it’s paper plates, prepackaged foods or frozen meals, we all have those moments where a bit of extra ease makes life smoother. A little extra screen time here and there can also help you recharge and balance everything on your plate.

Give yourself grace — it’s okay to enjoy the luxury of convenience when it makes you a more present and energized parent. After all, life is about finding what works best for you and your priorities. If being a present mom is your focus, those small shortcuts might just be the little help you need to stay connected and show up for your family without feeling overwhelmed.

4. Enjoy the little things.

I’m not going to tell you to love the times your spouse is gone. It’s not that. I’m telling you to find the things you enjoy when they are away so you aren’t just miserable the whole time. Find the positives to get you through.

I enjoy sleeping in the middle of our king bed in a pillow nest, going to bed whenever I want, and eating nine out of 10 meals from the air fryer. These are the first things that come to mind for me.

While things like a bedtime routine by yourself and not getting a break from the kids can make life feel harder during seasons of solo parenting, there is also a list of simple joys to be had. Don’t neglect that list!

5. Embark on projects.

That closet you’ve been wanting to organize. Those trips you’ve been wanting to plan. That piece you’ve been itching to write. That book you’ve been dying to read. This is your moment! Not only will it fill your cup doing some things you love to do, but it will also make the time pass more quickly waiting for your spouse to come back home.

These are just a few things that have helped me during periods of solo parenting, and I hope they can help you, too. Just a recap: Prepare for the unexpected. Give yourself grace. Simplify life in whatever ways you see fit. Find the positives. Take advantage of your free time. You got this, Momma!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of parenting resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Woman looking out window

A Military Spouse’s Journey Through Deployment

“Deployment” is a dreaded word that sends heartache through each of us, whether you’re a spouse who’s new to this lifestyle or have been at it for years. Truthfully, in terms of time, I’d probably be considered a seasoned spouse. When it comes to my feelings though, it often feels like I was thrown into this world of unknowns yesterday.

My husband and I recently celebrated our 11-year anniversary, and honestly, time has flown by. So much has changed – our family has grown by two, we’ve experienced three different duty stations, and over the past few years, he’s been home every single day, and we’ve embraced being comfortable in that.

This felt like a preview of what the rest of our lives could look like, since he was approaching 20 years of service and retiring soon. Then, retirement was taken off the table and replaced with deployment. Our world — the bubble we spent the last three years building and thriving in — was shattered.

I knew I’d have to remember what it was like to do everything. Honestly, my husband had spoiled me in the best of ways during his shore duty. He managed so many pieces of our day-to-day life. He did the dishes, handled bath and bedtime, grilled on the weekends, rubbed my back whenever I asked, and even set up my foot spa when he knew I’d had a long day. We grew into a true partnership and deployment changed that.

There was no preparing for him to be gone. It was impossible to find the headspace I had let myself drift so far from. I was miserable. Looking back on all the deployments in our 11-year relationship, I remember feeling sad and down for a few days, then bouncing right back to reality. We always spent more time apart than together. But this time, I was used to his presence. I was used to him being here, every day, all day. It’s been a few months, and he’ll be home soon, but this deployment has been more difficult than the ones that came before it.

I’ve been able to care for the kids and handle all the things that a mom does, but I’ve been a mess. I wasn’t sleeping or eating, just crying and missing him. The days turned into weeks, and we all know what weeks turned into. Eventually, the tears stopped, and only the missing remained. Slowly, I started to find my footing. I began taking care of the house, grocery shopping, even tried to catch up on the laundry (though I’ll admit, I failed miserably).

We found a sense of routine, which includes voicing all the things we can’t wait to share with Daddy when he comes home. We end every day with a pre-recorded bedtime book to hear his voice as he tells us how much he loves and misses us, calling us each by name.

This deployment felt like the very first one and that’s because it was. It was our first time as a family, and we all collectively hated it. We are so proud of our sailor and promise to be standing on the pier in our red, white and blue outfits to welcome him home.

Yes, I did all the typical deployment spouse things. I attempted to clean and get organized, kept myself busy, and of course, tried to exercise and eat healthy. Seasoned spouses take each deployment one day at a time, just like everyone else. We got this, y’all. Until next time!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Hands typing on a laptop

How To Find a Real Estate Agent for Your PCS

It’s that time of year again! PCS season is well underway even if you don’t physically move until June or July. Any experienced military spouse will tell you PCS prep starts many months before the movers come, possibly as early as when the duty station wish list is turned in. I remember when even a whisper of the possibility of a new base sent me online, scrounging for details.

One of the most important pre-move tasks is finding a trustworthy real estate agent to help you rent or buy a home. When we found out we were headed to the National Capital Region, one of the best pieces of advice we heard was to find a real estate agent to help us with our search. I’m so glad we did. It’s a tough area to move to due to the expense, traffic and the sheer size of the region.

How To Find a Real Estate Agent

If you feel overwhelmed finding an agent in an unfamiliar area, don’t worry; there are ways to connect with experienced professionals. Since it’s a semi-portable career, chances are you’ll meet a veteran or military spouse agent who knows exactly what you’re going through.

  1. Always use your network to crowdsource. Whether it’s your best friend, a friend of a friend or a desperate call on your personal social media, ask if anyone knows a real estate agent in the area you’re headed. You’ll be surprised by the number of passionate responses you’ll get because many people consider their agent family.
  2. Join online military family groups. If you’re unhappy with the personal recommendations, it’s time to widen your scope and join online groups dedicated to a PCS, your duty station or your new city. Your inbound base’s newcomers or housing (not the private housing company) office might have a list of local real estate agents to share.
  3. Research websites and reviews. After you’ve narrowed your search, it’s time for an informal background check on your favorites. Head to their websites and read everything they share, from experience working with military families (look for their Military Relocation Professional credentials) to their philosophy on real estate transactions in general. You also want to ensure they’re up for finding a rental house if needed; not all agents do.
  4. Interview Your Top Real Estate Agent Picks. Like dating, finding a real estate agent you click with is an essential part of the search. Take time to interview multiple people. It might take a few tries to find one who “gets you.” Prepare questions in advance to make sure everyone is on the same page. It’s a big red flag if the agent seems uninterested or annoyed by your questions.

Questions To Ask During the Interview

  • First, ask general questions about their experience and business. For example, if they’ve worked with military members and how they’re compensated for their services. This gives you a feel for their style, especially if you’re buying a home. If you’re a first-time buyer, make sure you’ll feel comfortable asking A LOT of questions during the process.
  • Discuss your priorities, like your budget, home size, location or a short timeline. You also might be concerned about their ability to work with you while living overseas. Ask if they’re experienced with your most important priorities. If not, it’s time to talk to another.
  • Customize the following questions to help you decide if the agent is right for you:
    • Do you work alone, or will I meet your partner or teammates?
    • How much experience do you have working with VA loans and VA loan assumptions?
    • Renting is very competitive. How have you helped military members beat the competition?
    • Do you offer special programs (like rebates) for military buyers or renters?

Real estate agents with a heart for serving military members will make your relocation less stressful and scary, so invest the time into finding one that’s your perfect match. Your investment won’t end after moving in, though. Remember, they may also help you sell your house or take on your property management when it’s time to leave.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of moving and housing resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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