Dawn’s dog Hondo as a puppy

Military Life Unknowns: Is Now the Right Time for a New Dog?

Written By Dawn Smith

After losing our second golden retriever, Hondo, to cancer two years ago, my family finds itself in a season of transitions. Military retirement is closer than ever, and high school graduation is just weeks away. We’re all still grieving the loss of our pup, who was only eight when he unexpectedly passed.

Over the last couple of stressful years, we certainly have wished we had his comforting presence in the house. We weren’t expecting it, but we learned mental health and science lessons after he left. He didn’t do anything but be a very good dog, always tempering our anxiety and tension and dropping all our blood pressures after a challenging day at work and school.

We miss him terribly, but with all our upcoming changes, is this a good time to get another dog? We’re the type of family that considers the dog’s well-being above our own in most cases, so I know the commitment ahead. Since I’m the mom with a flexible schedule, most dog duties fall to me.

I also have an idea of what an empty nester and veteran spouse’s life looks like: impromptu travel, late dinners out, family weekends at college, and new home searches. None of which are conducive to bringing a new puppy (or two!) home. Yet, we have a big 80-pound hole in our lives shaped like a golden retriever.

Dawn’s dog Hondo full grown

Military Pet Resources

Just the idea of moving with a new dog brings up plenty of PCS cross-country trip memories with a dog in the back seat. It’s a lot of work to prepare and plan for an extra furry passenger, especially if they’re projectile car-sickness pros. During our early PCS trips, we spent A LOT of time trying to find pet-friendly hotels in remote areas of the country. It’s harder than you think to hide a golden retriever from a hotel desk clerk.

Thankfully, animal-accommodating hotels and military-related pet resources have evolved from when we owned our first golden. There’s even a new pet travel reimbursement program, but caring for a dog during a hectic relocation is no easy feat.

Dogs During Deployments and Life Changes

It would be a disservice to our first golden, Cody, to say that he supported me through back-to-back years-long deployments when I lived alone in less-than-ideal military locations. He didn’t just help me; he provided a worthwhile reason to structure my days around instead of just burying myself in my job. He demanded early morning walks, breakfast, lunch, dinner and an evening walk, not to mention unabashedly asking for snuggles throughout the day.

He was also my built-in friend maker. I made several friends because our dogs liked to play together. Every day, he was my responsibility, and I’m grateful he needed the attention, so I didn’t focus on global events that were out of my control.

Today, I kind of feel like I’m losing a bit of control as our major milestones continue to creep up. Shouldn’t this be the best time to get another dog? A dog whose main job is to lay around on our designated dog couch while unknowingly providing the purpose and distraction needed during unfamiliar days ahead. I’m not convinced it’s time yet. I’m still enjoying the one good thing that comes from losing a beloved pet — the freedom to live without a strict schedule. It’s getting harder and harder to resist my family’s daily golden retriever video and picture campaign to bring a new member of the family home.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of resources tailored to your needs.

Lizann in front of Marine Corps War Memorial

Counseling Healed Me, and Challenged Me Too

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

My Personal Journey Through Counseling

For the past several months, I’ve been sitting across from a counselor on a video call each week, untangling the messy threads of my life—challenging family dynamics that have simmered for years, now intensified by my husband’s transition out of the military. Counseling has been a lifeline, a place to spill the pent-up frustrations and fears I’d buried deep. It’s also been hard, soul-stirring work that demands raw honesty and a willingness to evolve. Here’s what I’ve learned about the benefits and struggles of this journey—and why I’d urge anyone, especially military families, to explore free confidential counseling through Military OneSource.

The Healing Power of Counseling

When my husband left the military after 23 years, our world tilted. The rapid changes of PCS moves and deployments were replaced by uncertainty about jobs, finances, and where we’d plant roots. Layered on top were old family wounds—resentments and frustrations with the family I grew up in as well as with my marriage. Despite years of writing hundreds of articles and even several books for the military spouse community, I felt like I was drowning in unspoken words. Counseling gave me permission to let them out.

In sessions, my counselor didn’t judge or rush me; he just listened. Then he would offer feedback and advice that helped connect the dots of the various ways I felt hurt. That simple act of being heard started stitching up a wound I didn’t realize was still bleeding. Over weeks, I began to see patterns—how I’d bottled up anger to keep the peace throughout military life, only to feel it fester. Releasing it was messy but freeing, like shaking dust off a rug I’d ignored for years.

The Challenges of Counseling

Healing isn’t all catharsis. It’s also a mirror, and sometimes I didn’t like what I saw. One of the hardest moments came when my counselor asked, “In all those years, what did you sacrifice? How has that sacrifice served you?” I realized I’d been shutting down instead of speaking up, letting resentment build until it erupted in sharp words or cold silences. Admitting that stung. It meant I wasn’t just a victim of circumstances, I had work to do.

The process itself tests your grit. Some days, I’d drag myself to a session after a sleepless night, the kids’ tantrums echoing in my head, wondering if I could keep peeling back these layers. Once, I almost canceled because I knew we’d talk about my husband’s choices since leaving the service—a topic I’d rather avoid. Showing up, even when it hurt, chipped away at the walls I’d built. It’s not a quick fix; it’s a slow burn, and that patience is both the challenge and the reward.

 

Lizann and her husband

Encouraging Others to Seek Help

If my story resonates, I want you to know counseling isn’t a white flag—it’s a battle cry for a better you. Military OneSource offers free, confidential counseling for families like mine, tailored to the wild ride of military life—deployments, transitions, or just the weight of holding it all together. I stumbled across it when a friend mentioned it over coffee, and it’s been a game-changer. No cost, no stigma—just support.

Counseling doesn’t stand alone, though. My husband and I started talking more—really talking—after I shared bits of my sessions. I started reaching out, seeking new friends and local opportunities to help me navigate post-military life. I discovered my Bible study at a civilian church far from any military base had numerous military kids and military spouses in attendance. These connections bolstered what I was learning in counseling, reminding me that healing thrives in community.

Healing, One Step at a Time

Counseling has been a paradox: soothing old hurts while prodding me to grow. I’ve cried over childhood slights I’d dismissed, faced my own stubbornness, and started rebuilding bridges—one shaky conversation at a time. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

If you’re teetering on the edge of seeking help, take the leap. Military OneSource is there, free and waiting, but so are other paths if that’s not your fit. You don’t have to carry it alone. Counseling taught me that healing isn’t linear—it’s a winding road, paved with hard truths and quiet victories. Step by step, it’s leading me toward a stronger, steadier me.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

United States Capitol

Ideas to Help You Find Your Home After Military Retirement

Written By Dawn Smith

My husband and I play this game when we have a rare date night, which I am sure is common among many military couples. We imagine what life looks like after military retirement. Mostly, we talk about more time for travel and activities, but we always wind up returning to the topic we haven’t settled on: where to live.

Sometimes, for fun, we discuss far-fetched locales like the Alps, which would only work if we didn’t have family responsibilities. Mostly, we’re tossing out practical places that we could agree on. Let’s just say we haven’t found this magical spot yet.

His ideal locations are out West, with mountain views and wide-open spaces. My preferred places tend to be in a neighborhood like we’re in now, with plenty of sidewalks for dog walking and exercise.

As his retirement date approaches, I’m feeling a little more pressure to narrow down locations, but there are so many to be determined details, like where my daughter goes to college and his next job’s location. There’s likely opportunity for some remote work, but that complicates the equation because more geography equals more options.

Snowy mountains

Decision Factors

I’m an analytical, practical person and often neck deep in research, so I’m coming to this decision leading with data, to include (just a sampling) climate and home insurance reports detailing somewhere to live that’s least likely to have a natural disaster. Yes, some would say this is over the top, but that’s just how I am! Luckily, we already live in a relatively disaster-free zone, making me want to stay put even more.

I’ve even used online cost-of-living calculators to help me gauge how much things cost compared to what we spend now. There are plenty of other factors to consider before deciding where to live.

These are the topics I’m weighing the most.

Specific Location

Do you prefer the sand and sea, the mountains, or somewhere in the middle? Your preferences will help you narrow location choices. I want to avoid heat and humidity and embrace the cold temperatures, and I prefer suburbs or city-like features. I know plenty of people who think those are all the wrong choices! Location is very personal, and finding the perfect place might take a few tries. You never know when something like the prevalence of bugs or the absence of homes for sale can ruin a location you’ve been dreaming of.

Access

Access means different things to different people, but for me, access to amenities like an international airport and cultural activities are important, as are dependable medical care and walkability. Military families often heavily consider access to things like:

  • Quick drive time to work
  • A nearby military base or VA medical care
  • Family’s location
  • Children’s education and activities
  • Drive time to vacation destinations
  • Strong veteran community
  • Employment opportunities

Taxes

Often, one of the first things military families consider for relocation are the states that do not have income taxes, which can be a good thing, if you’re happy with one of the nine states that don’t: Alaska, Florida, Nevada, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, and Wyoming. New Hampshire only taxes interest and dividend income.

There are other tax implications to think about because the high cost of living and other tax burdens, like sales and property taxes, may wipe out some other tax advantages. It is a math game you’ll have to play to see how it works for your financial situation.

You’ll want to investigate each state’s laws about:

  • State income tax
  • Sales and property tax
  • Military pension tax
  • Corporate income tax (if you have entrepreneurial dreams)

As of now, I see us staying put for the first-year post-retirement and extendedly visiting potential new home locations to help us decide. I look forward to adventures that we get to plan instead of those planned for us!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of retirement resources tailored to your needs.

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