Close-up of a hand holding a blue and white ceramic mug near a snowy window with trees outside

Rebuilding Routines After the Holidays: Small Steps for Military Spouses

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

The holidays are over, the decorations are packed and January’s quiet may feel heavy. For military spouses, it’s not just the post-holiday slump; it’s also the stress of solo parenting, tight budgets or waiting for PCS orders that could upend everything. After 23 years as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that when life feels chaotic, focusing on small things I can control — like meal prep or keeping just one small part of my house organized — brings calm and balance.

Forget big New Year’s resolutions that most often fizzle faster than a New Years firework. Dramatic life changes and resolutions don’t always fit military life’s surprises, like sudden TDYs or unexpected PCS orders. Instead, try micro-goals: tiny steps that stick, helping you stay steady no matter what comes next.

By focusing on what you can control — your home, your daily habits, your mindset, you can create an environment of stability that balances the chaos. Here’s how to rebuild routines after the holidays, tailored for military spouses.

Four kids in pajamas read books together on a brown leather couch, wrapped in blankets

Micro-Goals Mean Big Wins

Setting sweeping goals like “lose 20 pounds” or “organize the garage” often flops once life gets messy. Micro-goals are easier. Think small daily habits, like “walk 10 minutes twice a week” or “tidy one small area daily.” During my husband’s deployments, I’d prep several meals on weekends when my kids were in bed. It wasn’t fancy, but it saved me from hectic mornings or dinnertime stress. Pick one goal, like “drink water every morning” or “fold one load of laundry.” Write it down, stick it on the fridge and check it off daily. That small win feels good and keeps you going.

Lit fireplace behind a decorative wrought iron screen, set in a rustic stone hearth

Tame Your Environment, Tame Your Stress

When military life feels out of control, your home is your anchor, but clutter in your home environment can make you feel worse. Science shows a messy environment spikes cortisol, making you feel stressed and anxious. That’s why decluttering can be a way to reset your brain to a healthier balance. After the holidays, new toys and gifts pile up, so I clear out old stuff to make space. Try a “one-in, one-out” rule: new toy comes in, old one goes out. I donate clothes, sell toys the kids outgrew or give away extra books. This keeps our closets and bedrooms from overflowing.

To maintain this control throughout the year, start small. Pick one manageable spot, like the kitchen counter, and spend five minutes daily tidying it. During one deployment, with a new baby and toddler toys overrunning the house, I focused on keeping my bathroom organized. That was “my space” to retreat to when I needed a calm breath in the chaos. Eventually, having a clean bathroom empowered me to clean up my bedroom and other areas of the house.

Open notebook and pen beside a wooden tray with a teapot and mug, all placed on a bed

Build Routines That Flex

Military life isn’t predictable, so your routines shouldn’t be rigid. Think of three daily must-dos that ground you, like a quick journal, a small chore or texting a friend. My morning mug of tea and gratitude journal helped keep me sane, even when we moved across the world from Rota, Spain, to Camp Pendleton, California. (That was nine time zones of change!) Start with a small, five-minute habit: maybe stretching in the morning, or reading from a devotional book or playing a favorite song. To end your day, build similar positive habits. Maybe you sit in silence and pet the dog, or sip herbal tea before bed or clear your mind by jotting down tomorrow’s to-do list. The beauty of these micro-habits is that they travel with you, no matter where the rest of the year takes you.

Connect With Your Tribe

After the whirlwind of December, January can feel lonely. This is especially true if you’re far from family or at a new base. Your spouse community — local or online — can be a game-changer. Text a friend, join a virtual coffee event or comment in a spouse social media group. There are numerous options for book clubs to suit any reading genre. Even a quick “I tackled the dishes!” message can spark connection and remind you you’re not alone.

Bounce Back From Setbacks

Let’s be honest with ourselves: Even the best plans fail. Kids get sick, movers delay, deployments stretch. When these interruptions happen, don’t quit your routine; tweak it. Miss your walk? Dance with the kids for five minutes. Forgot to meal prep? Keep frozen backups. After two decades as a military spouse, I know setbacks are just part of the journey. Keep going and remind yourself every small step counts.

January’s a chance to start small. Your micro-goals, clear spaces and flexible routines aren’t just tasks. They’re your way of owning the chaos. Grab a pen, pick one thing to control today and build a rhythm that carries you forward, ready for whatever military life brings.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

Close-up of two hands gently clasped, one wearing a diamond engagement ring

Staying Connected Through the Distance

Written By Sydney Smith

It goes without saying that staying connected to your spouse during separations takes effort on both parts. If you’re like me, and your love language is “quality time,” then you are in for an extra challenge.  How do you get quality time with your spouse when they’re overseas or gone for extended periods?  Quality conversations might be possible here and there but are not often — and certainly not the same as genuine quality time.

After just shy of 10 years of Army life, my husband and I have discovered some better ways to stay in touch through our times apart, and while it’s never the same as being in the same room face-to-face, these things do help us stay better connected:

  1. Discuss expectations: Before parting, plan a time to talk with your spouse and allow each of you an opportunity to voice expectations regarding communication. For instance, if talking on the phone before bed each night is important to you, this should be voiced. If one spouse prefers not to text throughout the day in order to make phone calls richer, that should also be expressed. Discuss whether you will video or audio call, and which apps you will use for communications.
  2. Play phone games: This is one of our favorite creative ways to stay connected when we are apart. We will download word games and other multiplayer games on our phones that we can play with each other in our free time. This keeps a little healthy fun and lightheartedness in our marriage during a not-so-easy or fun time.
  3. Create a communication schedule (take into account time zones): During separations, you will often be in significantly different time zones (unless he happens to be on TDY in the states).  Due to his specific job, when my husband deploys, he usually goes to the same place, so we can always rely on a 14–15-hour time difference (depending on daylight savings). Over time, we have learned to be patient for the first few weeks as my husband gets adjusted and situated in the area before we can count on a specific schedule for our communication. We are, of course, loose with this schedule because every day looks different for both of us. Typically, during this last deployment, my husband would call me every morning (before he went to sleep) and again at his lunchtime (when I was winding down in the evening). These were times designated for just us to connect. His other phone call, during dinner time (when he was waking up), was usually to say “hello” to the kids while I cooked dinner. This schedule works well for us for this particular time zone difference, and it was nice to be able to count on specific times of the day when we would talk, rather than waiting and wondering when the next time would be.
  4. Write each other letters: While it can seem unnecessary with instant communication available, there is still beauty in the tradition of letter writing. Sometimes feelings and words are just more eloquently expressed in a letter, and letters are long enough when you can take time to really get out anything that’s on your heart. If you’re feeling extra romantic and adventurous, you could even write poems or sappy love notes to one another through letters, just to keep a spark and keep both of you smiling from across oceans.
  5. Weekly check-ins: During deployments, my husband and I make it a habit on Sunday evenings to really connect. We take turns asking and answering a few questions that get us talking on a deeper level than “How was your day?” kind of stuff. Our list of questions is short and sweet but addresses a lot: “What was a high and low from your week?” “How can I serve/support you best this week?”  “What’s something you wish I understood about what life is like for you right now?“ You and your spouse can, of course, pick and choose or add on to these questions with your own. You might like to change them up week to week, so it doesn’t get monotonous. Just do this in a way that suits you both best. Most importantly, you both need to be willing and committed. These check-in questions won’t be helpful if just one spouse is taking them seriously.

These are just a few of the ways my husband and I try to best stay connected when he is away, and I hope some of our wisdom can help others who are newer to separations or who are needing some ideas on how to “spice up their phone lives” when apart.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Smiling family of five, including a dog, stands together on the lawn in front of a single-story white house

Is There a Forever Home?

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

My husband and I bought our first house together right around the time Pinterest hit the scene — back when people had to invite you. I’d spend my downtime (something I had a lot of in that house between two deployments, one pregnancy and a lot of late-night feedings) scrolling and pinning beautiful homes, décor that spoke to me, and DIY projects — you get it.

I titled this board “The Forever Home,” knowing that these pictures might not be attainable now — or even soon — but one day, after our time with the Marine Corps ended, this board would be a manual for a house search, landscaping and interior decorating. I also assumed we were going to be rolling in dough after military retirement. We have a few more months to figure out how to make that happen — details, details.

Toddler standing beside a closed toilet in a bathroom, looking over shoulder

Fast Forward to Today

What I find so fascinating (but maybe I shouldn’t) is that, while those pins dating back to 2009 are beautiful, they aren’t necessarily “us” anymore. Of course they aren’t. We aren’t the same 2009 “us” anymore.

While early-20s Kristi was all about square footage, and 30s Kristi only added rooms and upgrades every time the Marine Corps made my eye twitch, 40s Kristi doesn’t really have a picture of a forever home in mind. Instead, I’m in more of a “we’ll-know-it-when-we-see-it” mindset. Maybe that’s the product of real estate bidding wars throughout the years, seemingly “perfect” houses turning out to be anything but, or anticipating the day we would be offered a house.

What is “ideal” now has been influenced by a career of moving around, being influenced by all kinds of styles and cultures, and learning with each house what we liked and what we never wanted to see again.

Person clearing yard debris into a large pile near a shed, surrounded by trees and fencing

Young boy climbing a wooden playset ladder in a fenced backyard on a sunny day

Home Was Where the Marine Corps Sent Us

I looked at that first house in North Carolina starry-eyed. It was a cookie-cutter starter home with three bedrooms, two baths, a two-car garage and a bonus room over the garage — but it was ours. We brought our son home from the hospital to this house. I made my first military spouse friends here over cookie swaps and deployment dinners. My son and I rode out a Category 1 hurricane here. It will always hold a special place in my heart. My oh my, we’ve outgrown it for sure.

From there, we moved down to Texas and up in square footage. We rented it — all together, now — SIGHT UNSEEN. It was a wonderful neighborhood, with a great backyard and a playset and playroom for our two kids. It needed some TLC (the kind you aren’t volunteering for as a three-year renter). When I tell you it was a hole in the wall, I mean it. Well, holes — plural — in the carpet, anyway, that were strategically covered with area rugs in the listing photos. The kitchen had beige diamond wallpaper, and the brick patio wasn’t graded properly, so when it rained (if you’re from South Texas, you know it only ever comes at once), it came through the back door and into the carpeted living room.

Then we were off to California, where we downsized considerably to a 1940s, maybe 50s, row house. Our kitchen counters sloped down toward the back, much like the patio in the last house. This was my first experience not having air conditioning. The laundry was in the downstairs half-bath, and there was only one tub — it was the shade of yellow that indicates that it didn’t start yellow. Don’t get me wrong, things about that house drove me nuts, but looking back, these were among two of my favorite years. We spent so little time inside and so much time exploring California that the small size never really felt small. Sloping counters aside, this house taught me I didn’t need 4,000 square feet and a sprawling lawn.

While everyone else moving to Japan was frantically downsizing, we gained 200 square feet, which was a fun fact I shared at every opportunity. We went from WWII-era housing to new construction and typhoon-proof walls. The concrete walls didn’t do anything for me, and we had a kitchen pass-through that wasn’t centered over the sink, which drove me nuts daily, but this house was full of friends and memories — good and bad — and we loved it right up until we couldn’t leave it during COVID. At that point, our HHG were already on their way to Virginia, and we were surviving on loaner furniture and hope.

Arriving in northern Virginia was a literal ray of sunshine. After a long negotiation, complicated by time zones, we were the proud owners of a gorgeous sunroom and the 1950s house attached to it. That sunroom sold the house — I loved it. I loved the original pine floors, and it reminded me of my grandparents’ house in many ways. We thought we might even stay long-term. Then I got poison oak three times that first summer cleaning up the yard. We learned we had a mice infestation under my beloved sunroom. A pipe burst during a record low Christmas Day thanks to the poorly insulated walls. This was not the forever house.

Which brings us to today. Still traumatized by the water and rodents, we opted for new construction again. It’s beautiful, it’s big and it even looks like many pins on my Pinterest boards. It’s perfect for now, but we know it isn’t forever.

Child in decorated living room

Two people hang string lights on a white house; one on a ladder, one assisting from the ground. American flag visible

Now What?

If we know we aren’t staying, you’d think we would know where we’re going, but we don’t. So much must take shape over the next six years. Where will the kids go to college? What doors will post-military employment open? It won’t be a sprawling mansion. It won’t be a tiny house (I don’t care what my husband may have told you). It’ll be something in between, and it’ll be ours for a time.

Those pretty pictures on Pinterest will stay where they are while I get used to the idea that we may never have a forever house — at least not in the way I envisioned. Maybe we’ll spend a few years as empty nesters on the Pacific coast. Maybe we trail the kids (wouldn’t they love it if Mom enrolled for her Ph.D. at their university). Either way, we know we’re here for now, and we know there is more to come. We’re dropping the labels and expectations, learning to keep an open mind, and just in time to leave Marine Corps life, I finally learned to only plan in pencil.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of moving resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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