Lizann in front of Marine Corps War Memorial

Counseling Healed Me, and Challenged Me Too

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

My Personal Journey Through Counseling

For the past several months, I’ve been sitting across from a counselor on a video call each week, untangling the messy threads of my life—challenging family dynamics that have simmered for years, now intensified by my husband’s transition out of the military. Counseling has been a lifeline, a place to spill the pent-up frustrations and fears I’d buried deep. It’s also been hard, soul-stirring work that demands raw honesty and a willingness to evolve. Here’s what I’ve learned about the benefits and struggles of this journey—and why I’d urge anyone, especially military families, to explore free confidential counseling through Military OneSource.

The Healing Power of Counseling

When my husband left the military after 23 years, our world tilted. The rapid changes of PCS moves and deployments were replaced by uncertainty about jobs, finances, and where we’d plant roots. Layered on top were old family wounds—resentments and frustrations with the family I grew up in as well as with my marriage. Despite years of writing hundreds of articles and even several books for the military spouse community, I felt like I was drowning in unspoken words. Counseling gave me permission to let them out.

In sessions, my counselor didn’t judge or rush me; he just listened. Then he would offer feedback and advice that helped connect the dots of the various ways I felt hurt. That simple act of being heard started stitching up a wound I didn’t realize was still bleeding. Over weeks, I began to see patterns—how I’d bottled up anger to keep the peace throughout military life, only to feel it fester. Releasing it was messy but freeing, like shaking dust off a rug I’d ignored for years.

The Challenges of Counseling

Healing isn’t all catharsis. It’s also a mirror, and sometimes I didn’t like what I saw. One of the hardest moments came when my counselor asked, “In all those years, what did you sacrifice? How has that sacrifice served you?” I realized I’d been shutting down instead of speaking up, letting resentment build until it erupted in sharp words or cold silences. Admitting that stung. It meant I wasn’t just a victim of circumstances, I had work to do.

The process itself tests your grit. Some days, I’d drag myself to a session after a sleepless night, the kids’ tantrums echoing in my head, wondering if I could keep peeling back these layers. Once, I almost canceled because I knew we’d talk about my husband’s choices since leaving the service—a topic I’d rather avoid. Showing up, even when it hurt, chipped away at the walls I’d built. It’s not a quick fix; it’s a slow burn, and that patience is both the challenge and the reward.

 

Lizann and her husband

Encouraging Others to Seek Help

If my story resonates, I want you to know counseling isn’t a white flag—it’s a battle cry for a better you. Military OneSource offers free, confidential counseling for families like mine, tailored to the wild ride of military life—deployments, transitions, or just the weight of holding it all together. I stumbled across it when a friend mentioned it over coffee, and it’s been a game-changer. No cost, no stigma—just support.

Counseling doesn’t stand alone, though. My husband and I started talking more—really talking—after I shared bits of my sessions. I started reaching out, seeking new friends and local opportunities to help me navigate post-military life. I discovered my Bible study at a civilian church far from any military base had numerous military kids and military spouses in attendance. These connections bolstered what I was learning in counseling, reminding me that healing thrives in community.

Healing, One Step at a Time

Counseling has been a paradox: soothing old hurts while prodding me to grow. I’ve cried over childhood slights I’d dismissed, faced my own stubbornness, and started rebuilding bridges—one shaky conversation at a time. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

If you’re teetering on the edge of seeking help, take the leap. Military OneSource is there, free and waiting, but so are other paths if that’s not your fit. You don’t have to carry it alone. Counseling taught me that healing isn’t linear—it’s a winding road, paved with hard truths and quiet victories. Step by step, it’s leading me toward a stronger, steadier me.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

United States Capitol

Ideas to Help You Find Your Home After Military Retirement

Written By Dawn Smith

My husband and I play this game when we have a rare date night, which I am sure is common among many military couples. We imagine what life looks like after military retirement. Mostly, we talk about more time for travel and activities, but we always wind up returning to the topic we haven’t settled on: where to live.

Sometimes, for fun, we discuss far-fetched locales like the Alps, which would only work if we didn’t have family responsibilities. Mostly, we’re tossing out practical places that we could agree on. Let’s just say we haven’t found this magical spot yet.

His ideal locations are out West, with mountain views and wide-open spaces. My preferred places tend to be in a neighborhood like we’re in now, with plenty of sidewalks for dog walking and exercise.

As his retirement date approaches, I’m feeling a little more pressure to narrow down locations, but there are so many to be determined details, like where my daughter goes to college and his next job’s location. There’s likely opportunity for some remote work, but that complicates the equation because more geography equals more options.

Snowy mountains

Decision Factors

I’m an analytical, practical person and often neck deep in research, so I’m coming to this decision leading with data, to include (just a sampling) climate and home insurance reports detailing somewhere to live that’s least likely to have a natural disaster. Yes, some would say this is over the top, but that’s just how I am! Luckily, we already live in a relatively disaster-free zone, making me want to stay put even more.

I’ve even used online cost-of-living calculators to help me gauge how much things cost compared to what we spend now. There are plenty of other factors to consider before deciding where to live.

These are the topics I’m weighing the most.

Specific Location

Do you prefer the sand and sea, the mountains, or somewhere in the middle? Your preferences will help you narrow location choices. I want to avoid heat and humidity and embrace the cold temperatures, and I prefer suburbs or city-like features. I know plenty of people who think those are all the wrong choices! Location is very personal, and finding the perfect place might take a few tries. You never know when something like the prevalence of bugs or the absence of homes for sale can ruin a location you’ve been dreaming of.

Access

Access means different things to different people, but for me, access to amenities like an international airport and cultural activities are important, as are dependable medical care and walkability. Military families often heavily consider access to things like:

  • Quick drive time to work
  • A nearby military base or VA medical care
  • Family’s location
  • Children’s education and activities
  • Drive time to vacation destinations
  • Strong veteran community
  • Employment opportunities

Taxes

Often, one of the first things military families consider for relocation are the states that do not have income taxes, which can be a good thing, if you’re happy with one of the nine states that don’t: Alaska, Florida, Nevada, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, and Wyoming. New Hampshire only taxes interest and dividend income.

There are other tax implications to think about because the high cost of living and other tax burdens, like sales and property taxes, may wipe out some other tax advantages. It is a math game you’ll have to play to see how it works for your financial situation.

You’ll want to investigate each state’s laws about:

  • State income tax
  • Sales and property tax
  • Military pension tax
  • Corporate income tax (if you have entrepreneurial dreams)

As of now, I see us staying put for the first-year post-retirement and extendedly visiting potential new home locations to help us decide. I look forward to adventures that we get to plan instead of those planned for us!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of retirement resources tailored to your needs.

• Sydney’s children on the couch watching television

Maintaining a Minimalistic Home for the Sake of PCS Season

Written By Sydney Smith

If there is one thing that stresses me out as a military spouse, it is clutter in my house.

If you’ve been married to someone in the military for more than a few years, you know the lingering doom of the inevitable. Another move. Another total uprooting and relocating of your family and belongings to a foreign place. If you’re like me, moving is an extremely stressful life event, which doesn’t really get any easier with practice, unfortunately. If I can offer one tip to simplify your life, especially around PCS season, it would be to start by simplifying your home.

In this piece, I will talk about the ways I like to always maintain a minimalistic home to make my house “moving ready” at any given moment. What is a minimalistic home exactly? I think this means something different to everyone. For me, a minimalist home doesn’t quite mean a house without junk. It means a house without any useless junk.

I met a lady who created the rule that during a PCS, she gave away, threw away or donated any items she did not use in her current house. She said, “Why should I bring an item to my new house that I did not ever use in my last house?” This made a lot of sense to me, and I have adopted this rule into my own home. So where do you start, you ask? It just really depends.

If you are preparing to move soon, you might want to complete an expedited version of the following steps I give below. If you just recently moved, you should wait at least a few months to begin the process. If you moved several months ago, now would be the perfect time to start.

After living in many houses over the past seven years of military life, I have found that it takes about six months of living in your home before you know where everything belongs in it. You only know so much when you unpack each of those boxes those first few days living in your new house. You can try and be as strategic as possible with your placement, but I promise you there will be things you decide to change later. The first six months, you will be focused on getting acclimated to a new location, making friends, getting established with doctors, dentists, schools, extracurricular activities. Once you feel yourself getting into a good rhythm in your home, you can begin focusing on fine-tuning everything to meet your specific needs in that season so that it all makes the most practical sense for your family.

So here are the steps below:

1. To begin, sit down and make a list of every room and closet in your house. Include your garage and car on this list because, while not inside your home, these are places that you utilize often and need to organize just as much as your indoor spaces. Number your list in order of which spaces you will organize first through last. Plan to tackle one space at a time, not moving to the next space until the current one is complete.

Note: You will need to divide some spaces up into multiple zones. For instance, the kitchen is the most daunting. Divide the kitchen into three spaces: fridge/freezer, pantry, and kitchen cabinets/drawers. Similarly, separate closets from rooms. For instance, make the master bedroom one day and the master bedroom closet a different day.

2. Create a designated space for all unwanted items: Make two piles: the throwaway pile and the giveaway pile (you may also need a pile for items to sell). I like to use our garage for this space, and then I save organizing the garage for last. This works well for me, because moving things from the house to the garage makes me feel like the items are “gone,” and then the piles of unwanted things collecting in the garage ultimately motivate me to tackle it once it gets to the point of overwhelming.

3. For each space, this will be the process you will go through:

a. Empty the space completely. Take every single item out of every drawer, shelf and cabinet. Use an all-purpose cleaner to wipe everything down.

b. Physically pick up each item that you removed and ask yourself if it makes sense to keep that item. If you haven’t used it in the last six months, the answer is most likely “No.”

c. Put unwanted items in a box and take it to the garage and sort them into throwaway or giveaway piles.

d. For whichever items are remaining that you do want to keep… ask yourself, where does it make the most sense to store this item? If you use it often, it should be in a highly accessible place. If you don’t use it regularly, it can be stored in the back of a cabinet or on top of a hard-to-reach shelf, and it will rarely inconvenience you. For this step, you are strategically finding a home for each item.

Once you’ve completed each of these steps in each space in your house, you should be feeling like your home is so much more manageable and purposeful, and you will thank yourself later for that when you’re packing up (and later unpacking) those boxes full of manageable items with purpose.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of moving and housing resources tailored to your needs.

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