Kristi, her kids, and her dog sitting on a dock by the water

The Stress Behind “Hurry up and Wait”

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

It’s that involuntary feeling that hits when we’re on the brink of something big — orders, deployments, homecomings, retirements — the moments that shake every military family. We call it the stress behind “Hurry up and wait.” We see it coming, roll our eyes and know there’s nothing we can do. Civilians call it “anticipatory stress,” but we’ve got our own terms.

Whatever you call it, it’s a weird limbo where nothing has changed yet, but everything is about to. All you can do is plan for the unknown, ride the emotional rollercoaster, and — if you’re like me — rely on coffee and salty humor. This in-between phase doesn’t get much attention, but it is rough. I just think back to that PCS during the pandemic when time stood still. Our stuff was packed (along with my patience and sanity) except for two trashed couches and some 1980s hotel-style loaner furniture. Every day looked the same: wake up, stress, realize there’s nothing I can do, sit on the porch for hours waiting for news, go to sleep, repeat.

Kristi’s daughter relaxing with cucumbers on her eyes

What (Little) You Can Control

What do PCSes and snowflakes have in common? No two are alike. Why is tension high pre-deployment? Everything after that goodbye is completely out of our control and subject to change. Why is there so much focus on retiring from the military? Civilian life is a different ball game. Structure and culture are different, family finances will be impacted, our built-in community carries on without us, and — however minor — there will be some sort of identity shift, not just for the service member but the entire family. No wonder we’re feeling distracted, impatient, anxious and even irritable while we wait.

While I would love to tell you that spinning in circles while singing the Marines’ Hymn backwards would quell the anticipatory anxiety that creeps in ahead of major military life events, there’s no real cure (although I haven’t tried this remedy, so if it works, let me know). So, because we want so desperately during this time to do something to distract ourselves from the wait and get things rolling, there are a few ways we can take care of ourselves when anxiety takes hold.

  1. Say it. Write it. If you had to explain what is at the root of your anticipatory anxiety, what would you say? Sometimes you might not even realize what it is until you talk through it. So say it out loud — to your spouse, a friend, a therapist or even yourself — or write down your thoughts (even if all you do is throw it away — because the PCS purge is real). Even though identifying what is causing you stress won’t fix it, it gets it off your chest and may offer some clarity.
  2. Fight to stay present. Yes, it’s cliché, yes, but for good reason: It matters. I often catch myself so focused on what is coming next that I lose track of the present. Maybe you’ve been there too, snapping back to reality to the house in chaos, the kids wild and yourself overwhelmed. The advice to “focus on what we can control” isn’t just reserved for the major life changes; it applies to everyday tasks like keeping the house running, getting the kids to school and remembering to feed the dog. There is enough happening around us right now; we don’t need to borrow stress from the future.
  3. Know the difference between progress and control. Are we browsing real estate listings at midnight because we need to pick a house right now or because we want to feel in control? As someone who likes a good plan and a to-do list, I’ve learned that planning doesn’t always equal control. Sometimes, the best preparation is simply being ready, so when the moment comes, we won’t be too exhausted to act.
  4. Be real. Military spouses are superheroes — no one can convince me otherwise — but even superheroes face tough seasons. What we often forget is that we’re human. We get anxious, distracted and overwhelmed. Change is hard, even when we make it look incredibly effortless.

If you’re waiting for a big change, you aren’t alone. I’m right here with you. This phase won’t last forever, and one day, we’ll hardly remember the stress it brought (hopefully).

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Desk in school classroom

Back-To-School Educational Resources for Military Families

Written By Dawn Smith

Frustration and a PCS often go hand in hand, and the irritation can feel personal when it relates to your children’s schooling transition, regardless of a public, private or homeschool education. It’s overwhelming to research school options from afar and feel confident you’ve made the right choice. Education is a high-stakes journey for most military families, so preparing for a transition can feel like a part-time job.

Gratefully, there are multiple avenues for helping parents find the best fit; it just takes some time and possibly some one-on-one help to find exactly what you’re looking for. If a PCS is in your future, you’ll want to prepare for your next back-to-school journey as soon as possible. These resources will put you on the right path.

Student Liaison Officers

As a parent, one of the most worrisome parts of a PCS is deciding what type of education or school location best fits your family. You may have heard of a Student Liaison Officer. They work for the U.S. Department of Defense Education Activity. Their job is to help military families transition into new school settings, whether the kids attend on or off base or homeschool.

One of the best programs your SLO can refer you to is a youth sponsorship opportunity in your area. Often, when kids are paired with other kids attending the same school or living in the same neighborhood, friendships blossom quickly. It’s always comforting to walk into a new school already knowing at least one or two kids.

You can find a SLO at most installations, and they’ll also assist with:

  • School selection
  • Transfer credits
  • Connection to local schools, public and private
  • Alternative schooling and referral support
  • Deployment strategies
  • Parent workshops

Military OneSource has similar help available. Its education consultants are available through the website and by phone. They will discuss education options like school profile reviews, tutoring and financial assistance.

Educational Support Programs

Many parents consider translating education records between schools and finding educational support services in a new town the most challenging part of a PCS transition, so it’s helpful for military parents to become familiar with two integral education support programs. Your SLO is a good resource for learning more about each.

Military Interstate Children’s Compact

Because military families were struggling with the cohesiveness of education requirements between schools after PCS relocations, the DoDEA and the National Center for Interstate Compacts and the Council of State Governments created the Military Interstate Children’s Compact. This agreement encourages all 50 states’ education systems to provide seamless transfers between schools by accepting similar classes and testing.

Although the program has helped, each state dictates the details of its agreement, so it is up to parents to learn the program’s ins and outs and work with MIC representatives to connect the dots.

Military Child Education Coalition

The Military Child Education Coalition is widely known as one of the leaders in military kids’ educational support. Its website is packed with resources to master school transitions. MCEC employs Military Student Consultants at many of the biggest installations to help families settle into new homes and schools. Specifically, MCEC can assist with:

  • Enrollment
  • Credit transfer
  • Extracurricular activities
  • MIC3 implementation
  • Graduation requirements
  • Individualized Education Programs
  • Special education services

MCEC is also the national advocate for the Purple Star School designation, which you may have heard about. These schools have completed training and receive support to welcome military kids nationwide. You can expect these schools to have military-related clubs and activities to quickly help your students become part of the community.

You don’t have to take on a PCS school transition alone. There are many resources available to help you feel confident about the move. Don’t forget, Military OneSource always offers access to confidential counseling if you think your family would benefit after a relocation.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of parenting resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Hands holding container with sandwich

Back-To-School Bites: Healthy Eating on a Budget for Busy Families

Written By

As a dietitian, one of the main complaints I hear from patients is how expensive eating healthy can be or how little time they have to prepare nutritious meals. For others, eating well can feel daunting or overwhelming. Moreover, maintaining a healthy diet might seem impossible with food prices increasing due to inflation. This can be particularly concerning for families with school-aged children. Extracurricular fees and school supplies add to family expenses for kids going back to school and for homeschooling families. However, there are many strategies you can use to feed your family nutritious meals on a budget. Let’s explore practical ideas to help you save money while providing healthy meals and snacks.

  1. Use MyPlate as a meal planning tool. When planning meals, use the MyPlate model to ensure you prepare balanced meals at home, and meals on the go, like sack lunches for school. For snacks, aim to include at least two food groups (e.g., fruit and nuts or veggies and protein). For meals, include all five food groups (or work up to all five, if you’re feeling overwhelmed). Here’s an example meal:
    • A carbohydrate (e.g., whole wheat pasta, brown rice or starchy vegetables)
    • A non-starchy vegetable (e.g., broccoli, carrots, green beans)
    • A lean protein (e.g., chicken, ground turkey, pork chops, tilapia)
    • A fruit serving (e.g., small apple, small serving of berries)
    • A serving of dairy (e.g., 8oz milk)
  1. Plan ahead with a weekly menu. The first step to eating healthy on a budget is planning. Creating a weekly menu that includes healthy family favorites helps you identify what ingredients you need to buy and what you already have in your pantry. Planning ahead also allows you to thaw frozen items ahead of time and reduce food waste.
  2. Make a grocery list and stick to it. Use your menu to create a shopping list. Take this list to your favorite grocery store and stick to it. Avoid adding items that aren’t on the list. Don’t shop while hungry! It can lead to impulse purchases that are not part of your meal plan.
  3. Use seasonal produce and store brands. Buy fruits and vegetables that are in season, as they’re often cheaper and fresher. Pick produce your children love and that survive well in lunch boxes. Sturdy ones like apples, grapes, broccoli, carrots or celery and dip are good choices. Opt for store-brand products, which usually offer good quality at a lower price. Also, use coupons from stores or manufacturers to save even more. Don’t forget the commissary is a valuable benefit for military members, offering competitive prices that can help you stretch your grocery budget further.
  4. Shop in bulk. If you have a membership to a warehouse club, consider buying staple items like dairy, cereals and bread in bulk. Just be mindful of expiration dates to avoid wasting food. Avoid pre-portioned or convenience foods when possible, as they cost more. Instead, buy in bulk and portion items yourself at home.
  5. Mix fresh, frozen and canned produce. You don’t always have to buy fresh produce. A combination of fresh, frozen and canned fruits and vegetables can be both nutritious and budget-friendly. Eat the fresh items first, then use frozen and canned as the week goes on.
  6. Meal prep on weekends. For busy families, meal prepping on weekends can be a game changer. With meals prepared ahead of time, you’re less likely to rely on fast food after work or school.
  7. Involve your kids. Involve children in meal planning, grocery shopping and meal prep. This can make them more interested in healthy foods and give you a chance to teach them about nutrition. Give them choices; for example, let them pick which fruits, vegetables or cereals they prefer. This promotes independence and makes them more likely to eat what they’ve helped choose or prepare.

Eating healthy doesn’t have to be expensive or overwhelming. With a bit of planning, smart shopping and family involvement, you can make nutritious meals a regular part of your routine while staying on budget. Start small, be consistent, and remember that every step you take toward healthier eating is a step toward better overall well-being for you and your family.

A plate with fruit, grains, vegetables, protein, and dairy written on it

CPT Frances White, DCN, RD, CSR, CNSC, is a registered dietitian with the U.S. Army Medical Department. She is a bilingual nutrition professional with expertise in both management and clinical nutrition. CPT White is passionate about empowering patients to understand how dietary changes can significantly improve their health and overall well-being.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of nutrition resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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