It’s easy to arrive at a new duty station and feel so overwhelmed by your suddenly empty calendar full of free time. Suddenly, you’re without friends, connections or community — the pillars of your life that once filled your calendar with color.
If you’re like me, it’s only a matter of months before you find yourself frustrated that there aren’t enough colors to code everything taking over your calendar. You’re now juggling three weekly commitments at church, multiple “mom clubs” on post, and several volunteer and chaperone events at your son’s school. On top of that, you are meeting new people every day and trying to say yes to every playdate, every birthday party, every conversation, every church invitation, every club, every sport you hear about. You’re not sure who — or what — will be the right fit for you and your children, so you say yes to it all. Now, your season of “yes” has started to take over your life in some areas you never intended.
Over time, you might find yourself stepping back and looking at the packed calendar you’ve created, wondering, “How did I get so busy so quickly?” or “When will we have another slow morning with nowhere to be?” Maybe even, “Am I prioritizing my personal life over raising my children?”
Everybody is different — but I know that for me, I am quick to feel mom guilt when my daily schedule seems more centered around me than connecting with my kids. I do my best to maintain a healthy balance between structured and open-ended time, because as moms, we all know that some of the sweetest moments come unexpectedly — in the quiet, unplanned parts of the day.
Lately, I have found myself in a “no” season as I prioritize what I want to stay on our calendar and what I want to go. To slow down the pace of our little life, I am now saying “no” to those things that need to go and substituting those things with staying home to be present. I want to savor these slow mornings while my children are still little… doing silly things like counting raindrops on the windowpanes, turning on a princess movie on a Monday just because we can, reading aloud story after story with babies on each side of me munching on blueberries.
What exactly does a “no” season look like? For me, it was looking at all our commitments and picking my favorites. I stopped attending some of the things at church; rather, I chose only my favorite groups and Bible studies I’d become a part of. My husband and I also decided to pull our four-year-old daughter out of preschool and homeschool her the last year before kindergarten. The double school drop-offs were taking a toll on me, and our mornings had become more chaotic and stressful than they needed to be.
My “no” season also looked like really looking at my friends that I’d made and deciding which relationships I wanted to invest in — because as a mom of three young children, I just don’t have time to pour into everyone I cross paths with. I looked into removing myself from the volunteer list at my son’s school. I have a four-year-old and a two-year-old at home, and this just wasn’t feasible in our current stage of life.
Everyone is different. Everyone manages their time in ways that suit their personal and familial needs. Everyone has their own threshold when it comes to how many commitments they have and how filled their calendars get. I just know that when I start feeling like my life is driven by calendar over connection, I know it’s time for some things to change.
I’ve come to realize that being in a “no” season means I can start saying “yes” to my kids more.
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