Are you someone who enjoys change? Or does the thought of changing your hairstyle or the layout of apps on your phone screen make you twitch with discomfort? Some people don’t mind small changes, but they may not look forward to the major changes in military life. If that is you, you aren’t alone. Change can be challenging.
Humans are naturally resistant to change, and military spouses are no exception. Unfortunately, the military often demands life changes that are beyond our control. Sometimes, we spend months without the person we married and chose to live with because they are away training. We get orders to locations we have never heard of, to states where we never wanted to live. Every time we move, we are expected to re-establish each aspect of our lives. Although many of us find ways to adjust to deployments, moves, changing friendships, new communities, and the constantly evolving resources available, it doesn’t mean that it ever becomes easy to accept these major life changes.
There are military spouses who have moved more than a dozen times and managed to make each new place feel like home. Some spouses have kept meaningful friendships for over a decade, even when separated by several time zones. I know inspiring military spouses who have approached a major upcoming change with momentum and excitement. How is it possible? Do these individuals know a secret to make change more bearable?
During my two decades as a military spouse, I have noticed a common habit among those who adapt to change with the best energy and outcomes. Spouses who successfully adapt to change are usually those who have developed habits to keep them positive and proactive. They can face massive changes and unexpected news with calm because their attitude lets them maintain an element of control. They have go-to strategies that kick in whenever they are facing change.
Here are the strategies that help military spouses face major changes in a positive way:
- Focusing on silver linings. Whatever we choose to focus on, our mind will find evidence to support it. If someone gets caught up in the frustrating downsides of a PCS move, it will be difficult for them to embrace the change. However, if they choose to focus on positive details, it will become increasingly easier to feel encouraged about the upcoming change. For example, many people view a PCS move as a “new adventure,” which means they will continually find small reasons to get excited and celebrate. These positive moments will give them forward momentum during a stressful period of change. Similarly, those who set small personal goals during deployment feel greater satisfaction and pride in accomplishment while living apart from their spouse.
- Recognize unique “benefits” of military life. While military spouses face unusually stressful changes, they also have unique opportunities compared to most civilians. When viewed from a perspective of gratitude, living in different parts of the country could be seen as a special benefit permitting travel and cultural experiences. Moving to a new home or school is a unique opportunity to start over with a clean reputation and a new group of friends. Deployment can be viewed as a unique time to focus on finishing education, visiting home to spend more time with family, or exploring a new hobby. There is always someone who would be jealous of the experiences you are having right now. Military spouses who gain that perspective have a more positive view of change.
- Reframe the situation. The military spouse who will have the most energy to face change will be the one who is able to reframe the scenario into one that benefits them and gives them more control. For example, someone who is unemployed after a move will probably have more excitement over completing applications if they think of it as a “career pivot” instead of a “job search.” Reframing it as a career pivot will likely help them be more proactive, seek advice from mentors, and explore new possibilities, which will result in opening doors to more opportunity. Next time you feel frustrated by major changes, try reframing until you feel more empowered.
While military spouses may not get a choice when it comes to major changes during military life, you do get to choose how to approach them and handle them. Your mental mindset has a huge impact on your ability to handle unexpected changes. Military spouses who focus on the good, recognize unique opportunities, and reframe change in a positive light will be most likely to achieve positive results after stressful changes.
Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of health and wellness resources and tools tailored to your needs.
