Valentine’s Day can feel like a cruel joke when your spouse is halfway around the world on deployment or stuck at a training exercise many miles away. For me, those February 14ths during my husband’s five combat deployments often turned a day of hearts and flowers into one of lonely heartache. There were many times I felt angry, disappointed, jealous and just frustrated that military life interfered with our relationship.
Thankfully, we found a simple, old-school way to stay connected: letters. In an age of instant texts and video calls, there’s something powerful about putting pen to paper. After almost two decades as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that love letters aren’t just romantic. They can be a lifeline that keeps your marriage strong across oceans and time zones.
This article shares small acts of love to give you something to look forward to while the days drag on. Whether you prefer writing “open when” letters or creating surprise video montages, use these simple heartfelt ideas to remind your service member they’re still your number one priority.
Why Letters Work When Everything Else Feels Far Away
Phone calls can get cut short by bad signal or duty. But a letter? It’s always ready when you need it. It is a love reminder that sits in a pocket, a backpack or a locker until the moment it’s needed most. My husband carried a stack of my letters during his deployments (sealed in a Ziploc bag to keep out the Afghani sand). I reread his letters regularly, especially during those desert deployments when phone calls were only every few weeks. The words lasted longer than a conversation ever could.
Letters also let you say things you might not say out loud. You can reflect on how you’re growing or reminisce about how much your relationship has evolved. You can write about how proud you are, how much you miss their laugh, or even the silly little things like what the dog or the kids did today. Those details make your partner feel seen and loved, even when they’re far away.
“Open When” Letters: Your Secret Weapon
The easiest way to start your own collection of love letters is with “open when” envelopes. Pick 8–10 simple moments, write a short letter for each one and seal them in envelopes labeled with the prompt. Here are some favorites that worked for us:
- Open when you’re having a rough day
- Open when you need a laugh
- Open when you’re proud of yourself
- Open when you’re feeling homesick
- Open when you need to feel loved
- Open when you’re coming home soon
Keep them short and sweet. Often, one page is perfect. Add a photo, a sticker, a meme you printed or a spritz of body spray. It turns a simple letter into a true gift. If writing feels hard, try a short video instead. Record yourself reading a message aloud.
Make It a Habit, Not Just a Holiday Thing
The real magic happens when you turn letter-writing into a regular habit. Set a goal to send one letter every week or every other week. Keep a small notebook by your bed to jot down funny things the kids say or moments you want to share. Not only will this help you both feel connected, but it will also wire your brain to reflect on the good, positive moments throughout your day. One military spouse friend calls this “hunting the good stuff.”
If you’re worried about running out of things to say, try these prompts:
- What made you smile today?
- What’s one thing you’re proud of this week?
- Tell me about a dream you had.
- What’s something you want to do together when you’re home?
These questions keep the letters light and loving instead of heavy or sad. When the mail arrives, you’ll feel closer to each other, even on ordinary days.
When the Distance Feels Too Big
Some days, the ache is real. You might cry while writing or worry that your words aren’t enough. That’s OK. Your service member feels it too. The fact that you’re still trying, still showing up in the mail, means everything. My husband and I each wrote tear-stained letters at one time. Now they are a beautiful part of our collection and our shared history.
Military marriage isn’t easy, but it’s built on moments like these. So, this Valentine’s Day (or any day), grab a pen, a stamp and a few envelopes. Write from the heart. Send love across the miles. Because even when time zones and deployments pull you apart, a simple letter can pull you right back together!
Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.
