As the days grow shorter and holiday lights start twinkling on base, the season’s demands can sneak up fast — coordinating kids’ events, base gatherings, decorations and gift lists. For us in military life, it often hits harder, with deployments splitting families, PCS moves disrupting our traditions or distance from loved ones adding emotional strain.
I remember one tough Christmas during my husband’s seventh deployment. I was alone with our four young kids, and family was far away. I pushed hard to keep traditions magical, but burnout hit me hard. One morning, exhausted and sad, I hid under a couch blanket, barely able to rally myself for unwrapping presents with the kids. I realized something had to give and began simplifying traditions — like swapping Grandma’s 10-step cookie recipe for an easy batch of chocolate chips. We kept the holiday music and the fun, laughed together and made memories. When I took care of myself, I felt capable, not crushed.
You don’t have to push through alone on sheer grit. Simple self-care habits can ease your stress and help you reclaim joy. The holidays shouldn’t be about perfection and presents. Instead, focus on realistic steps to be present for family and yourself. Here are some healthy habits that will last into the new year.
Set Boundaries to Guard Your Energy
We’re pros at adapting in military life, but holidays flood us with invites that can overwhelm if we don’t watch out: unit parties, family activities, extra volunteering, oh my! Setting boundaries helps you protect what matters — your family, your time, your energy and your health.
If you’re solo due to deployment, opt for pizza and movie night over fancy food. Review your calendar like a PCS checklist: What truly energizes you? Maybe this year you want to focus on baking or a calm walk under base lights. Decline the rest gracefully: “Sounds great, but we’re busy — let’s catch up in the new year.” Remember, a “no” stands alone and doesn’t need to be explained. Scaling back helps you see sustainable traditions and regain control in chaos.
Extend this approach to your emotions: If relatives push sensitive topics like your family travel plans or expensive gift traditions you can’t afford, try to redirect them or pause.
Communicate Your Needs
Clear communication anchors military marriages. Holidays can heighten all the unspoken duties — hosting, shopping, decorating, wrapping — but working together and sharing your needs sparks partnership.
Use holiday traditions or activities to grow closer to your spouse, not to create battles. Start casually: Over coffee or a video chat, swap a weekly high and low. Frame any changes positively: “I love our Secret Santa tradition, but the kids’ schedules are tough right now. Want to split the shopping?” Honest conversations unite you without blame.
Explain adjustments to your kids simply: “We’re skipping one event for games or movie night at home.” Or, “Before we send this gift wish list to Grandma, we need to choose some items to donate to other kids.” Focus on getting the rest of your household to buy into what you need during the stressful holiday season. Whether it’s a streamlined schedule or a de-clutter corner, their cooperation will help you feel supported and bring you all closer together.
Remember to Recharge
Rest builds resilience, not indulgence. You wouldn’t let your phone battery die, so you shouldn’t let your own energy deplete either! Holiday obligations wreak havoc on your sleep, but neglecting this essential need just sets you up to crash.
Set a healthy bedtime schedule to help you de-stress: Wind down with soft lights, herbal tea and no screens after 9 p.m. Military OneSource advises 30 daily “me” minutes — bath, book or memes.
When your days are busy, try micro-breaks: Take deep breaths at kids’ school events, or stretch between wrapping gifts. Use a rest jar to reward yourself with prompts like “nap time,” “cup of tea,” or “fresh air.” Draw from it daily to remind yourself you are worth it. These resets can steady you through holiday storms.
Stick to Health Routines
Physical and mental health ground us, but the holidays erode our routines with treats and shifted schedules. Remember that consistency stabilizes, so stick with what has supported you in the past.
Physically: Take daily walks, even if it’s with a stroller. If you have a workout routine, don’t neglect it this month! Keep drinking water to stay energized. Try balanced meals: Focus on proteins and veggies during this season of cheese platters and desserts.
Mentally: Regular self-care fosters resilience, reducing anxiety. Try evening journaling, a “gratitude” list, or five-minute breaths to curb stress. Have a friend you can vent to, even if it’s a quick check-in.
Self-care is strategic, not selfish. It renews you for what’s ahead. Before lights fade to January, weave these habits in. Here’s to holidays that uplift and a year prioritizing you!
Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.
