When I hear the phrase “a day in the life” I think of someone who shares what a typical day looks like for them. You know the whole “wake up at 5:45 a.m., work out, make coffee, take a few minutes for themselves before they hit the ground running” type of day. Outside of gearing up for deployments, I have no real everyday routine that would make up a day in the life of a military spouse.
My days look like any other person’s whose life mimics that of a wife, mother, homemaker, entrepreneur, nurse, etc. The list can go on and on. I can tell you that “a day in the life” for this military spouse includes constantly thinking, “Oh, I got this,” only to then think that’s not true. “I definitely don’t have this.”
As military spouses we’re conditioned to “expect the unexpected.” Do we really live our everyday lives like this? For me, the answer is no. If I did, there wouldn’t be any room to experience the joys that show up regularly in the mundane day-to-day routines. Don’t get me wrong, the thought is always there on the back burner, but that’s life, right? The day I want to share with you had the potential to be like any other day of shore duty. Instead, it proved to be one of those days that remind you that you have something on the back burner. I know that whether you are a seasoned spouse or a new-to-this-life spouse, you can relate. Simply because this could be, will be or has been a day in any military spouse’s life.
Every morning starts off the same for us lately. I roll over to silence that horrible alarm that lets me know another day has come too early. I briefly remember the hubs kissing me on the cheek as he headed out the door sometime before the sun came up. I sit on the side of the bed and listen to see if either of our toddlers are awake, and I hear nothing. The silence tells me I might have a few minutes to myself if the floor doesn’t creak as I walk around the room. I play my children’s wake-up playlists on their devices in their room. Just as I was turning the lights on and opening the blinds in my middle child’s room, my cell phone rings. I ignore it because it’s early in the morning and I’m unavailable until at least 9 a.m. As I’m picking out clothes for the day, my phone rings again and I’m like, “OK, maybe it’s something important.” I pick it up just in time to see “My David” (how the hubs is saved in my phone).
I answer and immediately ask is he OK before he can even say hello. He says, “Yes, but are you sitting down?” My heart sinks, and I freeze as I ask, “No, why?” He replies with three words. Words that we have all heard in some variation or another, “I got orders.”
I walk back into my room and sit on the edge of the bed. He asks if I’m OK, and I say, “Depends on the orders.” He confirms my fears. He tells me he is returning to sea. A piece of me knew it was a possibility when retirement was taken off the table (don’t even ask). But for it to be a reality, our reality, my reality, just hit me harder than I thought.
We got off the phone, and I continued my morning routine with the toddlers. I did a good job of holding it together; at least I thought I was doing a good job. About halfway home after dropping my children off at daycare, I felt my chest tighten, a lump build in my throat and my eyes started to water. It hit me that my husband, my partner, the person I had finally let myself get used to being home every day for forever was in fact on a timetable to leave me, to be and do “all the things” on my own.
It hit me that I had allowed myself to be spoiled by him being home every day. I could call him whenever I wanted. I could make all the plans in the world, and he was in a place that we could do them all. Now I have to reign in my expectations and get back in the mindset of “duty days” and “deployments.” I cried for what seemed like forever, and my hubs must have felt my heart breaking because he texted asking if I needed him to come home, and I said, “Yes, please.”
He was home not even half an hour later for me to fall into his arms. I gathered myself, and the rest of the day went as normally as it could. We picked up the kids from daycare, played outside in the front yard before dinner, did baths, brushed teeth and read books before we settled onto the couch to watch our favorite TV show together. That was the beginning of the countdown to my new normal, or maybe normal, as it was amazing to have such a great shore duty. Now it’s back to the regular Navy.
I will say we’re making the most of the last few days we have left together as a family of five. If you find yourself having hard days like this, just make the most of the days you have when y’all are together. We know those are the memories that get us through the tough days of this military spouse life.
