A woman holds a baby looking out a window.

Preparing for Deployment Season

Written By Sydney Smith

As I sit here this morning, clicking the soft keys of my computer, the sunshine warms my shoulders, birds chirp nearby and a soft blue sky stretches overhead.

I’m thankful to be sitting here in this moment, soaking it all in — not only the simple beauty surrounding me, but this season of life. Because soon, life as I know it right now will begin to change.

Our fourth baby will be arriving soon, scheduled to be delivered amidst the peak autumn foliage and endless pumpkin spice lattes. With the change of our climate as fall approaches, we too have a big change in season for our family. While I am over the moon excited for this little bookend baby to arrive and bring cuddles and smiles and a sense of wholeness to our family, I am also bracing myself for what will be both literally and figuratively some very rainy days ahead.

October is a big transitional month here in the Pacific Northwest. The days rapidly lose sunshine, rainfall increases and things get dark and gloomy quickly, with no end in sight. While I know I will be overjoyed to have a bundle of joy to cozy up with, I know this transitional period will come with both joy and sorrow. As early December approaches, my husband deploys for several months, missing Christmas and leaving us to fight off the winter blues without him. I know we will be OK, but this anticipation certainly has me planning for how we are getting through this next chapter. My goal will not be to thrive (I have to be realistic here) but maybe do a little more than survive.

Here are five ways I am already mentally preparing for this season ahead:

  1. Asking for and accepting more help than normal. Having a baby comes with a lot of extra support and offers from friends in our community, and I am not usually quick to accept help; I never have been, but I know with everything inside of me I am going to need help this year. I am making a promise to myself to be better about accepting kind offers from friends and family, whether that means keeping the kids to give me a break, helping with chores around the house or pitching in however they can. I want to look at this season as a time to let others give to our family, knowing I will again be in a place where I can give back in the future.
  2. Making exceptions around the holidays. I tend to be a rigid person around Christmas. For instance, I don’t ever like to entertain the idea of traveling or visiting extended family in December. Rather, I prefer to focus on family time, being present and attentive to the real meaning of Christmas and building new traditions in our home as our children grow. This year, I am trying to set the expectation for myself to have no expectations. As much as it pains me, I plan to skip a lot of extras this year like sending Christmas cards, baking assortments of cookies from scratch, planning festive outings and preparing sourdough cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning. I’m not even sure I’ll decorate much or get a Christmas tree. While I usually have a burst of festive energy that hits eagerly and naturally as we come into the Christmas season, I know this year will look so different with a new baby at home and my husband deployed. I am already training my brain to approach the holidays with simplicity and practicality this year.
  3. Taking shortcuts. I have become adept in this skill already, due to all the practice I’ve had with past TDYs and deployments. Upon my husband pulling out of the driveway, I get into “shortcut mode” almost automatically, spending less time on bedtime routines and household chores, and spending more money on conveniences like paper plates, frozen foods and takeout. I’m not proud of these shortcuts, but I’m proud of the better mom they help me be.
  4. Splurging on “extras.” I plan to splurge on things I usually say no to, such as routine home cleaning services, meal delivery companies, memberships to our local family gym (with childcare, of course!), the children’s museum and movie theater. Getting outdoors with four kids (including an infant) will be near impossible to do consistently on my own during the rainy season here, and so I am looking at this as a temporary time to splurge on a few extras to get us through the long dark days. I know, of course, not everyone’s finances will allow for this, but if you can find some places in the budget that might be able to give a little bit, perhaps you can make room for a few things that will help make your life easier for a short time.
  5. Saying “no” to more. During these next several months, I plan to pull back on most of my commitments that don’t directly benefit my family. These include things like taking a break from church nursery duty, closing my online custom wood design store, as well as taking a pause from writing blogs. I am trying to be realistic about how to go about life after gaining a child and temporarily losing my husband to a deployment, and I know that “no” will be my key to unlocking the additional time and energy I’ll need to manage things on my own for a while.

If you, too, find yourself anticipating a hard time ahead, I encourage you to lay out a similar plan. Try to predict what might be hardest on you, and ways you can ease any burdens that come your way. I can promise you that being a planner at a time like this comes in handy because it’s much easier to think clearly and strategically before you enter the storm, rather than once you find yourself in it.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Two people form a heart shape with their hands while standing side by side outdoors.

Reclaim Your Calm With a Fall Reset

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

September arrives with cooler mornings, kids heading back to school and a quieter rhythm after the whirlwind of summer. For many military families, the moving trucks have mostly left the neighborhood, and deployments or training cycles may have settled into a new normal. Yet many military spouses still feel emotionally drained, scattered or behind. After a PCS, a long summer deployment stretch, or simply the nonstop pace of family life in uniform, that “I should be further along by now” feeling is incredibly common.

After almost 20 years as a Marine spouse and seven moves, I’ve learned that September offers a beautiful natural pause. It’s the perfect time for a gentle fall reset. It’s not a total life overhaul, but small, kind steps that help you exhale, reassess and reclaim your calm.

Sunset viewed through tall trees overlooking an open field, with warm light glowing on the horizon.

The end of summer often leaves us running on empty. Between unpacking boxes, shuttling kids to new schools, managing solo parenting and simply surviving the heat, there’s little room left for your own needs. It’s normal to feel emotionally flat, overwhelmed by small tasks or disconnected from yourself. Give yourself permission to name it: “I’m tired. This season was a lot.” Acknowledging the drain is the first step toward filling your tank again. You don’t have to push through with the same intensity. Fall invites a softer approach.

Start your reset by decluttering one space at a time. After a PCS or chaotic summer, homes often feel heavy with half-unpacked boxes and random piles of stuff. Choose one small area like a kitchen counter, your bedroom dresser or the entryway, and spend just 15 to 20 minutes sorting it out. Separate into bags or bins to keep, donate or toss. During one post-move September, I started by focusing on my nightstand. Clearing that small surface gave me an immediate sense of order and calm that rippled through the rest of the house. The goal isn’t a perfectly organized home by October. It’s creating little pockets of peace that signal to your brain: “We’re safe here. We’re settling.”

Next, set realistic intentions rather than overwhelming goals. Don’t make a big list of resolutions. Instead, pick one or two words or phrases that feel right for the season: “steady,” “connected” or “gentle.” Then translate them into simple actions. Maybe you want to protect two evenings a week for quiet time, cook an easy family meal together each weekend, or walk outside most mornings while the weather is nice. Write them down somewhere visible. These gentle intentions help you move forward without adding pressure. After years of riding the waves of military life, I’ve found that realistic intentions protect my energy far better than ambitious plans that fall apart by week two.

Rebuilding personal energy is essential during this reset. Use some of your time for things that refill you, like a short nap, a favorite podcast while folding laundry or sitting outside with a cup of coffee. Pay attention to what lifts your mood: more time in daylight, simpler meals that don’t require much effort or early bedtimes a few nights a week. Movement helps too: even a 10-minute stretch or neighborhood walk can shift your mindset. The key is choosing restorative actions that feel doable rather than another item on your to-do list.

Reconnection is also a powerful part of the fall reset. Summer can be isolating, especially during moves or deployments. Reach out to your local spouse community, whether through a base family readiness group, a social media page or an informal coffee meetup. Sometimes just being in the same room with others who “get it” eases the loneliness. Military OneSource is an excellent resource during this season. Their free confidential counseling, wellness tools and workshops can help you process the summer behind you and build healthy habits for the months ahead. Call 800-342-9647 or explore their website for virtual classes on stress management, mindfulness or spouse-specific topics.

A gentle fall reset isn’t about catching up or becoming a new person by October. It’s about creating space to breathe again. Some days you’ll make progress. Other days you’ll rest. Both are valuable. After decades of navigating these military seasons, I’ve learned that the calm we’re seeking doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from treating ourselves with the same compassion we so freely give everyone else.

As the leaves start to change and the pace slows just a little, give yourself the gift of this reset. Declutter one drawer. Set one gentle intention. Take one quiet moment for yourself. Reconnect with a friend who understands. Step by step, you’ll begin to feel more centered, more hopeful and more like yourself again. September is your invitation to begin again on your own terms. You’ve carried a lot. Now it’s time to reclaim your calm.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

Kristi and her family smiling together outdoors in front of waterfront homes.

Addressing the Identity Drift

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

Today’s blog is starting with a vocabulary lesson. “Shift” is an active, intentional move or change. “Drift” happens to us without effort (or, oftentimes, even awareness) on our part.

With that in mind, we aren’t talking about conscious changes to our identity—I’m going to start doing Pilates…stop eating meat…change my hair…quit my job, etc. This blog is all about what happens to us when we aren’t paying attention. Maybe it’s maturing; maybe it’s adapting; maybe it’s just growing into who we were always meant to be, but as I think (or at least hope) most can relate, current Kristi and the Kristi who entered into military spouse life are two very different people.

Kristi and her daughter relaxing on inflatable floats in the water.

I’ve wasted a lot of time throughout the years wondering when I’d feel like myself again. When will things be back to normal? When will I feel normal again? If I could get five minutes with sweet little naïve 22-year-old me, I would tell her to let that go. With every move and milestone, we change. We can’t go back to who we were before any more than we can return to a duty station years later and expect the same experience.

And thank goodness! Each experience, each challenge, each duty station, deployment, PCS—each day even—has something to teach us. To learn that and absorb that is growth. We can’t (and shouldn’t, to be honest) try to be the old “us” who lacked that knowledge, that worldly experience.

Kristi and her family posing together on a city street during their travels.

Kristi carrying her two young children through shallow water at a rocky beach.

So, what are these “experiences” I keep mentioning that change us without any conscious effort on our part? The big ones I can speak on from personal experience would be graduation, career changes, marriage, deployments, the birth of a child…then another, medical diagnoses, profound losses, moving, living overseas, military retirement. Maybe you’ve also felt your identity drift with these same changes. Maybe you’ve drifted in the wake of other major milestones.

Kristi and her two children dressed in cold-weather clothing smiling together during a winter outing.

Kristi and her two children posing in front of a historic bridge during their travels.

But drifts can happen after subtle experiences too: traveling, befriending someone new, taking up a new hobby, learning a fun fact about lizards, finally keeping a garden alive, reading an impactful book, narrowly escaping an accident—truly anything.

The takeaway is this: I have had space to change. I still do, and so do you. Change isn’t always intentional, sometimes it happens without any help from us. And thank goodness because we’re busy taking care of everything and everyone else.

Military life isn’t meant to be spent in one place. It’s all the change that gets us where we’re supposed to be and makes us who we’re supposed to be.

Kristi and her son smiling while interacting with elephants at a wildlife park.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

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