A sunlit playroom where Sydney lies on a rug while her young child and a baby climb and play, surrounded by toys and furniture

The Invisible Labor of Military Spouses

Written By Sydney Smith

As a military spouse it can be common to feel a missing sense of purpose as you jump from place to place, trying to figure out which jigsaw puzzle you just landed on, which puzzle piece you are and where you fit in. You will likely find purpose for a brief time — perhaps, a dream job you worked hard for, or a part in a community where you felt needed, such as at your church or a family readiness group. But inevitably, right after you’ve gotten nestled right in that cozy little puzzle piece-shaped nook you were meant for, you get assigned a new puzzle — and must start the process all over again. It can be hard, to the point of grief, stepping away from these roles and saying goodbye to the fleeting identities that gave you purpose in a foreign place. Wherever we are, we want to feel seen, noticed and needed.

I would argue that the role of a military spouse extends far deeper than the little puzzle pieces of purpose strung together over a lifetime. Fitting inside a jigsaw puzzle seems superficial compared to taking on the role of the backbone of your house and family, as each military spouse does — either consciously or unconsciously. The “invisible” labor of the military spouse runs deeper than any purpose you could possibly find in the outside world — and good news: It can follow you wherever you go. So, what are these “invisible” roles of the military spouse?

  1. Predictability and consistency: As a military spouse, it is a simple fact (whether you like it or not) that you are the one who never changes. You are the one the kids can count on to be there for the sports games, school pickups and the holidays. You are the one who is always there to wipe tears, kiss boo-boos and read bedtime stories — not just sometimes. When your spouse seems to come and go and their schedule is utterly impossible for little minds or big minds to anticipate or predict, you are the one they can depend on for everything. I don’t think it’s stressed enough … the importance of parental predictability. And if you are reading this, my fellow military spouse — you are the gold standard.
  2. Flexibility and understanding: If you’ve been a military spouse for more than a minute, then you know your spouse doesn’t have a typical “nine-to-five job.” In fact, it’s rare that your spouse ever has predictable wake-up and come-home times. To survive the perpetual lack of routine, you must become specialized in the art of “rolling with it” on a daily basis. “Making plans” is the punchline to every joke in your life, and you don’t even try to make them anymore. You have become the master of being flexible and giving the “spousal salute” no matter what, because you’ve learned throwing a pity party does you no good. You say endless goodbyes and make new friends even when you don’t see anything wrong with your old ones. You choose to understand and grow wherever you are planted.
  3. Safety and support: You are the rock, the emotional anchor tying everyone in the house down. When your serving spouse brings home all sorts of stressors and emotions in disguise, you function as the climate setter in your home. This is an honor and a privilege, but it’s also pressure to be the one who sets the temperature. When your kids or your husband brings home lemons, you could simply turn up your nose and walk away, but instead you throw them in the blender with some water and sugar and send everyone off with smiles on their faces. You are the voice of familiarity to your serving spouse calling from overseas. You are the warm arms that embrace them when they return home. You are their family, their soft-landing space, their own personal little slice of heaven they can bring with them wherever duty calls.

These roles might even seem invisible to you some days, but I hope you feel seen in the words above, and even if they don’t all resonate with you — I encourage you to embrace this purpose to the best of your ability.

Look around … at your home, your happy children and this somehow stable life you’ve created amidst instability — and realize this is the puzzle that matters most, because each and every piece belongs to you, and you are the invisible glue that holds them all together.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of  mental health resources  tailored to your needs.

Kristi’s daughter holds a dandelion outside near trees

Do We Still Celebrate the Month of the Military Child?

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

When a service member separates from the military, they become a retiree or a veteran. They’re still celebrated on Veterans Day, and if you’ve ever been to a sporting event where all those who are serving or have served were asked to stand, you know the recognition extends to any patriotic holiday.

And rightfully so — they served to defend our freedoms. You’ll always find me clapping loudly and forcing my humble husband to stand up and be recognized. There are license plate frames and those sweet, sweet hats that let the world know there’s a veteran present. There are annual sales that are extended to us — just one more reason to shower veterans with appreciation.

Kristi and her daughter hug

As the spouse of a retiree, I am grateful that many of the earned benefits and discounts extend to me. No one got me a hat, but I’ll persevere. But what about our kids? This time last year, they were military kids — the only kind of kids they knew how to be.

Now, they’re not anymore. Are they former military kids? Veteran kids? A veteran’s kids? We can workshop the phrasing, but my concern remains the same: Our kids — and all military (and former military) — kids served too.

If you’ve ever held your child as they cried because they missed their deployed parent, because they’re devastated to leave their friends or because they were having trouble fitting in at a new school, you know without a doubt that military kids make sacrifices that aren’t recognized when their parent separates from the military.

There are no identifying hats or license plate frames for them. No discounts, no holidays. They’ll eventually lose their military ID cards, base privileges and their health insurance — but hey, that endearing nickname of “brat” is for life (she said sarcastically).

Kristi and her service member stand outside a building, holding hands with their children

I’ve heard my own husband (a military brat) lean on that statement anytime he’s asked where he’s from. And what I find interesting only now that he has retired — I’m no longer a military spouse and the kids are no longer military kids — is that he always uses it in the present tense. It’s never: “I was a military brat.” It’s always: “I am a military brat.”

This small distinction is important, and not just because I’m an English-language nerd who geeks out over a hearty debate on usage and tense. Continuing to claim that title after military retirement or separation — even well into their adulthood — signals that being a military child wasn’t just a thing he did for a few years.

It is part of his makeup. The places he lived while his dad served opened him up to new places, shaped his social skills and made him great at adapting and flexing when needed.

I’ve seen the same impact on our own kids. They’ve experienced lifestyles and cultures all over the United States and all over the world. Military life has made them curious, inclusive and flexible.

It’s made them expert packers and unpackers — independent, resourceful, respectful and patient(ish). And for better or worse, it’s pushed them to grow up a little faster than many of their civilian peers and taught them not to take moments and special people for granted.

None of that goes away when their parent leaves the military. It’s in their makeup (as is their knack for sarcasm, but I’m taking most of the credit for that). Our time as a military family might be past tense now, but we go forward writing our next chapters shaped by the experiences behind us.

For all the moves, all the schools, all the nights missing their dad, for all the times their mom forgot something because she had too much on her plate — for their service and for their sacrifice — I’m going to go ahead and celebrate our kids during the Month of the Military Child.

Kristi and her children sit at an indoor ceremony

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of parenting resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Lizann’s family poses on a rocky overlook with mountain peaks visible behind them

Smart Budgeting for Spring Break and Summer Activities

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

For military families, warmer weather often brings a wave of expenses: spring break trips, summer camps, day outings and all the “just one more” activities that add up fast. Throw in potential PCS orders on the horizon, and the financial pressure can feel overwhelming. After two decades as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that planning ahead in April is the key to enjoying the season without the stress. By focusing on small, smart budgeting moves such as microbudgets and free base perks, you can create lasting memories while keeping the bank account steady.

Lizann and her children stand and sit on a large outdoor swing overlooking a coastal city and water below

The biggest trap is letting costs sneak up. With child-care gaps during school breaks, many families face extra expenses. Summer camps alone can run hundreds per week per child. Spring break getaways might seem tempting, but gas, hotels and food can drain savings quickly. The good news? Military families have built-in advantages: military discounts, numerous opportunities from the Information, Tickets and Travel Program, plus access to MWR programs.

When you’re ready to discuss upcoming spending, start by pulling up your last few months’ bank statements or using a free budgeting app to track where money is already going. Then set a realistic “fun fund” total for spring or summer, depending on your family size and situation. If you agree to something like $1,000, next you’ll break that total into microbudgets: $300 for spring break, $400 for camps, $50 for weekly outings. These small caps make decisions easier. You and your spouse can have less guilt over saying no to the expensive theme park when you know your limit.

Lizann’s baby plays in water

If those numbers sound way too low for your current location, take another look. Tapping into free and low-cost base programs is a game changer. Most military bases offer MWR perks such as outdoor recreation — hiking trails, bike rentals, splash pads, pools and campgrounds. These are novelty activities that cost little or nothing. Many bases run summer reading programs, free movie nights or family events to keep kids engaged without the price tag. During one hot summer at Camp Lejeune, we practically lived at the base pool and playgrounds. They offered free entry, endless fun and no travel costs. The United Service Organizations, or USO, center offered free books and lunches on Tuesday, so we made sure to go there weekly.

I’ve learned that applying early is the way to get the best discounts on spring break or summer camps. First, check your installation’s youth center, family center and MWR website for options. Then, ask around at local town halls or check parks-and-rec websites for military-friendly programs. Off-base activities through local community centers may offer military discounts on classes or have subsidized “scholarships” that make them more affordable.

Lizann’s children play on a colorful playground structure, climbing stairs and waving

For camps, explore options such as Military Teen Adventure Camps (free weeklong experiences focused on building resilience and connecting military kids). Gyms offer military discounts on memberships, which can lower the costs of their camps. Numerous nonprofits nationwide support unique summer experiences for military kids. My kids still talk about the time they went to a sleepaway camp in the mountains and spent a week swimming, boating and riding horses.

Lizann’s children sit on a large boulder in a forested mountain area, smiling, with tall pine trees and rocky cliffs behind them

Look for military discounts everywhere. Programs such as Blue Star Museums offer free admission to museums and gardens for active-duty families during summer months. National parks provide free America the Beautiful passes for military members. Local zoos, aquariums and amusement parks frequently give ID-card discounts, so you should always ask.

Prioritize low-cost local adventures to stretch your dollars. Instead of a big trip, plan “staycations,” where you pack a picnic for a nearby park, visit free splash pads, hike local trails or host backyard game days with friends. Create a family bucket list of outings such as bowling or mini golf (often cheap on base), or fish at MWR ponds. You can try a “Friday Fun” rule: $20 max for the family to try something new locally, such as ice cream runs or playground hopping. Involve the kids in planning. They often love picking free activities and can feel proud when they help “save” money.

Budgeting isn’t about saying no to fun. Instead, it’s about saying yes in smarter ways that align with your priorities. By starting small now — setting those microbudgets, scouting out base activities and hunting discounts — you avoid summer sticker shock and focus on what matters. Things such as spending time together or exploring your local area will always be worthwhile. Military life throws enough curveballs, so let the warmer days be a season of joy instead of worry. Grab a notebook, list one free activity to try this week, and watch the stress melt away as the memories build.

Lizann’s children look at a canyon

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of personal finance resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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