Foil-covered casserole dish on a countertop with a handwritten note that reads, “for when you just can’t even cook dinner”

Practical Ways to Help a Military Spouse

Written By Sydney Smith

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

I’ve heard this countless times over the last eight years — words offered with kindness, but usually without substance. When someone is overwhelmed, they often don’t know what to ask for. I’ve been that person more times than I can count. And admittedly I’ve also been the one who’s said those same words. They’re easy to offer: a safe blend of noncommittal compassion.

As things ramp up in the world and I find myself, as well as friends, experiencing increasing stressors relating to military life, I want to share a few practical ways to support a military spouse — ways that go beyond simply asking what they need. If you genuinely want to help, you likely won’t get an answer  anyway. Instead, you’ll need to anticipate their needs.

  1. Provide a meal. If it’s a neighbor, cook a little extra and send a few plates over. If it’s someone you work with, double your dinner and prepare in disposable aluminum pans you can take to your friend the next day. If you can’t find the right food to make or time to bring food, send over a meal delivery or restaurant gift card with a thoughtful note such as: “For when you just can’t even cook dinner.”
  2. Bring a treat. Drop off their favorite coffee drink on the way home from running errands. If it’s a holiday and they’re alone, drop off donuts and a card so they don’t feel forgotten. Drop off items to make ice cream sundaes with the kids as a fun distraction from reality.
  3. Take the kids. Offer to take the kids to the playground one afternoon or come over and supervise a popsicle backyard date or pizza movie lunch while they take a nap upstairs. If practical, offer to take over one school pickup or drop off each week.
  4. Provide company and connection. Ask your friend to get coffee one afternoon while your spouse or babysitter keeps the kids. Ask if they’d like to walk once a week. Call (actually call, not text) on a random Saturday and ask how they’re doing (and when they say “fine,” ask how they’re really doing). Invite your friend over for dinner or breakfast or out to lunch after church. If they’ve been without their spouse for too long, they probably crave adult conversation more than just about anything.
  5. Run an errand. Ask if you can grab some staples while you’re at the wholesale store or grab any items while running other miscellaneous errands. Do a curbside pickup for your friend. If they or the kids are sick, bring over some ginger ale and chicken noodle soup. If you want to get creative, make a little “sick basket” full of throat soothing lollipops, immunity boosting tablets, vapor nose sticks, throat soothing tea and honey, cough drops, and whatever else you can think of. Offer to pick up medications.
  6. Do a chore. Tell your friend to leave a basket of dirty laundry on the porch. Take it home and wash and fold and return it. Next time you’re over, take out the trash and unload (or load) the dishwasher. Take their car to get washed (and vacuum it out!).
  7. Enlist your spouse (if available): If your spouse is home, available and willing to help, you can ask them to do a few tasks around the house for your friend. For instance, if you’re neighbors, your spouse could commit to taking your friend’s trash to the curb every trash night or mowing their lawn or repairing something that needs fixing. Most military members I know would bend over backward for a military spouse who is alone because they know how much they would appreciate someone helping their own spouse.

Whether you’re putting something onto your friend’s plate (such as bringing a meal), or taking something off their plate, the best way to help a military spouse is by making them feel thought of without them asking for help. These thoughtful, intentional acts of kindness will help your friend feel truly supported and remind them how fortunate they are to have a friend like you – someone who stands out from the crowd of well-meaning but vague offers to help.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

Palm trees sway above a lush coastline with blue ocean waves under a clear sky

Don’t Forget About Military Recreation Areas

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

We talk a lot about benefits in the military community. That little piece of laminated paper — the DOW ID card (or common access card for service members) — is a ticket to access U.S. installations, commissaries, exchanges, military treatment facilities and in-network TRICARE providers.

Kristi’s children, in jackets, stand beside red columns in a walkway, smiling at the camera

Because we don’t vacation as often as we grocery shop — a real shame, if you ask me — military lodging and recreation areas aren’t necessarily top of mind. But do you know what they are? They’re everywhere — from coast to coast, and in Europe and Asia. They’re also much cheaper than most comparable options.

They tend to book up well in advance for the people who, unlike me, remember they exist before making travel arrangements, and they’re just as much a military benefit as the commissary. Now is a great time to look ahead to see what is available this winter — or even next summer. Who knows, you might even luck out and find availability this summer.

Let’s break down the available options. As someone who has retired from a short camping career, we’ll start with hotels.

Crowded city crosswalk filled with pedestrians, surrounded by tall buildings and large digital billboards

Hotels and Resorts

During our Japan tour, we were fortunate enough to stay at beautiful hotels in Tokyo and Seoul. Both blew my expectations out of the water because up to that point, I’d only been exposed to the Inns of the Corps (temporary lodging facilities).

Nothing against those facilities, but they aren’t designed to compare to resorts or luxury hotels, and my only stays were weeks long while awaiting housing or the Patriot Express. None of those stays were particularly relaxing.

Many people are familiar with a popular military resort in Orlando. Anyone who has been stationed in Europe likely knows a well-known lodge there. It’s on my to-do list, don’t worry. There’s also a beautiful military resort in Oahu where I stayed for a family reunion in paradise while I was in college. Please don’t ask me how long ago that was, but I feel confident saying it’s probably still just as lovely.

Kristi’s child, in a green outfit, runs and jumps into ocean waves on a sandy beach

“Glamp” Grounds

What’s the difference between a glamping campground and a traditional campground? According to me (and maybe only me): walls and amenities. Though we didn’t get the chance to visit (thanks, COVID), I’ve heard great things about the campground in northern Okinawa, Japan.

There are individual furnished cabins and a spa, which is really the only camping I’ll entertain. I’d put a military recreation spot in Seward, Alaska, in the glamping category — you can snag a motel room, suite or cabin — but they lose me at yurts and tents. If that’s your cup of tea, more power to you!

Kristi’s family stands by a calm river in a wooded area with green trees

Campgrounds

Camping isn’t for me, but it is the way to go for many people! And there are plenty of spots to pitch a tent or hook up an RV. Many campgrounds offer access to outdoor activities such as boating, kayaking, fishing and the conveniences of an installation, including the commissary and exchange.

Search your state for a staycation or somewhere you’ve always wanted to go through MWR’s Best Kept Secrets around the nation.

Empty playground swing hanging still with blurred park equipment in the background

Fun for the Day

Maybe you can’t work a full vacation into your schedule, but your installation’s MWR might have something to help you make the most of a weekend or holiday break. Avoid crowds by spending the day at on-installation marinas, beaches, golf courses, movie theaters or parks. You can likely rent any equipment you might need and reserve picnic areas, pavilions or cabanas.

Not sure if these facilities are open to you? Service branch doesn’t matter. If you are active duty, in the reserve, or National Guard, a military family member, a retiree, a disabled veteran, a DOW civilian or a Purple Heart recipient, these spots are a benefit you earned.

PCS orders aren’t the only way military service shows you the world — these spots around the globe are the perfect backdrop for making memories with family and friends.

Kristi and her two children stand on a grassy golf course holding golf clubs, smiling outdoors

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness and connection. Explore a range of Morale, Welfare and Recreation resources and tools tailored to your needs.

A close-up of a bride placing a ring on her partner’s finger during a wedding ceremony.

Military Spouse Appreciation is More Than a Hashtag

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

May rolls around, and suddenly social media lights up with #MilitarySpouseAppreciationMonth posts and quick “thank you” posts.

It’s nice to see, but for many of us juggling solo parenting during deployments, hunting for jobs that fit around PCS moves and carrying the invisible load of keeping the household running, those shoutouts can feel surface-level.

After two decades as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that real appreciation doesn’t come from social media posts. It starts inside, with recognizing our own strengths and taking small steps to celebrate them year-round.

Lizann and her husband smile together at their wedding.

Military spouses didn’t always sign up for this life the way our service members did. When we said, “I do,” few of us pictured the loneliness of moving every two or three years, never quite putting down roots and always being the new face in the spouse group. We didn’t anticipate career dreams getting paused and restarted so many times.

The reality for many spouses is that each new base means another entry-level job, another gap on the résumé and another hit to retirement savings — because there’s rarely time or stability to build a 401(k) of our own.

By the time our service members retire, many of us realize we’ve sacrificed decades of our own financial security.

Lizann smiles and flexes her arm in front of stacked moving boxes in a garage or storage space.

Lizann takes a mirror selfie while painting a wall with a roller, wearing a casual T-shirt.

Military spouses who become parents face many additional unexpected challenges, such as giving birth alone in a hospital while our spouse is on the other side of the world or raising toddlers far from grandparents and cousins.

We become solo parents far more often than we ever imagined: handling every bedtime, school conference and midnight fever solo while our spouse trained, deployed or stood duty.

We didn’t plan on restarting medical care for ourselves and our kids after every move, hunting for new doctors who accept TRICARE, explaining our child’s history all over again and waiting months for appointments.

Lizann holds her newborn baby against her chest, both resting in a hospital bed.

A sleeping newborn lies on an American flag blanket with a yellow ribbon tied around them.

The challenges are real and stubborn. The isolation of military life can be crushing — leading to depression, anxiety and even secondary post-traumatic stress disorder from years of constant uncertainty. These are deep, painful sacrifices that civilian friends and family rarely see. They are unseen burdens that are rarely acknowledged or discussed. No gift card or cute hashtag can fix them.

But here’s the empowering part: True appreciation begins within us, not from others. If you are feeling unseen or underappreciated, think for a moment about whether you ever acknowledge yourself. How have you celebrated your own accomplishments? When you look in the mirror, do you smile with confidence at the person you’ve become and the situations you have conquered?

Start by building a personal “wins” list. Jot down what you’ve accomplished lately, no matter how small. Maybe you kept the kids fed and happy through a long temporary duty, navigated a tough school enrollment after a move or just got out of bed on a hard day.

During one deployment stretch, my “brag wall” included things such as “Took five kids to the festival, no one got lost!” and “Caught the mouse in the kitchen.” Reading it back gave me a quiet boost.

Do this regularly. It’s a reminder that you’re not just surviving, you’re thriving in ways most people can’t imagine.

A woman holds a baby and a sign reading, “This guy wants to meet his Daddy!” with people in military uniforms in the background

Next, lean on the resources designed for us. There are hundreds of employers committed to hiring and retaining military spouses, and many offer flexible, remote or portable roles. Military OneSource’s Spouse Education and Career Opportunities program is a gold mine.

Through MySECO, you can connect with career coaches who have advanced degrees in counseling or education. They can help at any stage: clarifying goals, résumé tweaks for military life gaps, finding portable certifications or prepping for virtual hiring fairs. It’s free, confidential and available 24/7.

Lizann and her husband smile in front of American and Marine Corps flags, with her husband wearing a decorated military uniform.

Advocating for better support in your community is another powerful step. When we speak up together, change happens — more flexible policies, better awareness and real support.

Join or start conversations in local spouse groups, online pages or base family readiness programs. Share what’s working (or not) about child care, employment barriers or license portability. Push for events beyond the May spotlight, such as ongoing workshops or employer meetups.

Appreciation Month is a great reminder, but don’t limit it to May. Instead, make it a habit. Celebrate small victories, use the tools available and lift each other up. True strength comes from within, from knowing you’ve got this, even on the toughest days.

So this month (and every month), look in the mirror and say thank you to the strong, capable person staring back. You’ve earned it.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

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