A young child watches uniformed service members and families gathered outdoors near rows of military gear.

Tips for Your Next Deployment

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

There’s a particular kind of mental exhaustion that hits when a deployment end date keeps moving. In the middle of a deployment, most spouses find a steady rhythm. You learn how to carry the full load alone: work, school, household decisions, bedtime meltdowns, finances and the emotional weight of missing your partner. It is hard, but in some ways it becomes familiar. Then the official return date is announced, and everything changes. The final stretch suddenly feels much heavier. Carrying that pack for another week, or even another day, can feel almost unbearable. Why?

Lizann and four children stand at an airport holding handmade signs that read “Welcome,” “Home,” “Daddy,” and “We Love You!”

After two decades as a Marine spouse and seven deployments, I’ve lived this shift many times. The uncertainty doesn’t just disrupt the calendar. It unsettles your mind, your plans and the quiet progress you thought you had made. The momentum you built through the long middle months can disappear overnight. The closer you get to the supposed finish line, the more the weight presses on you. Once the countdown begins, it has a kind of finality and pressure. When the dates keep changing, visual countdowns that once felt motivating (paper chains, jars of chocolate kisses) become sources of frustration when you have to add extra links or candy.

Layered on top of the delayed return is the uncertainty of reintegration itself. Will your service member adjust smoothly to the household, or will they feel distant, awkward or uncomfortable for a while? Will the kids warm up quickly, or will they cry and prefer the parent who has been home with them every day? You want the reunion to be joyful, yet you know from experience that it is often complicated. It’s difficult to relax when so much feels unsettled.

There is also the long list of decisions you have been postponing. Many spouses deliberately delay choices that would benefit from the service member’s input: major purchases, medical decisions, school enrollments or household changes. The problem is that those unanswered questions keep looping in the background of your mind. During one deployment, my husband’s potential return dates fell on either side of my due date with our second baby. I would either give birth on base with him there, or near my hometown where I had family to help. For weeks I maintained completely different birth plans in two different states, researching insurance, hospital paperwork and logistics for both possibilities. The uncertainty made it nearly impossible to feel settled about the birth. That kind of mental splitting is exhausting, and it is more common than many people realize.

Red, white and blue “Welcome Home” banners hang with American flags in a rustic room.

Protecting your peace during shifting end dates requires a different approach than the middle of deployment. Short-term flexible goals work better than long-range plans. Consistent personal anchors like your morning coffee ritual, a weekly call with a trusted friend or an evening walk can give you something steady when the timeline will not stay still. It also helps to limit how often you check for updates.

I have learned that allowing myself a short, honest reaction when a date shifts can help me recover faster. When one return was delayed by a full month, I gave myself a few days to cry and feel disappointment before picking up the routine again. Another time the plane had a mechanical issue, and the delay was only three days. I had just returned from the grocery store with all his favorite foods when I got the news. That small delay felt crushing because I had already shifted into “he’s almost home” mode. Eventually, I put some things in the freezer, planned simple meals for the kids and me, and adjusted. Those moments taught me that acknowledging the letdown is healthier than forcing myself to stay upbeat immediately.

Military OneSource can be a useful support during these uncertain stretches. Confidential counseling is available if the mental load of delayed returns and reintegration worries becomes heavy. Consultants can also help with practical concerns that pile up when plans keep changing. Calling 800-342-9647 or using their online tools can provide perspective when you are too close to the situation to see clearly.

Living with a moving end date is one of the quieter hardships of military life. The middle of deployment builds endurance. The final stretch, especially when it keeps stretching you, tests your capacity to keep going when you thought you were almost finished. You are allowed to feel the weight. You are also allowed to adjust your expectations, lower the pressure and protect your energy while you wait.

The deployment will end — eventually — even if the date keeps changing. Until then, your peace is worth guarding one flexible day at a time.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

A boy and girl stand outdoors eating ice cream cones; the girl wears a pink cowboy hat and lemon-print dress.

Military Phrases We Need to Retire

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

If parenting teenagers has taught me anything so far, it’s that language is constantly evolving. As cool as I am (somewhere my teenagers’ eyes are rolling), I’m lowkey still not sure if I’m doing 6-7 correctly. Apparently being cooked is bad, but cooking is good; if something “slaps,” that’s apparently really good. Shipping isn’t just about sending care packages. No cap. I’m being so for real.

A girl in sunglasses and a patterned dress holds a flower on a wide road while a boy stands behind her with mountains in the distance.

Not to throw shade, but this language evolution seems to hop right over the military world though, —maybe it doesn’t have base access. Whatever the reason, we see barracks and base gyms get renovated and rebuilt, but we’re still using dusty language. So, before these Gen Alphas raise their right hands to serve, let’s “yeet” the following cringe words and phrases right out the window (or at least reconsider whether we’re using them productively and accurately):

  • At least… It might not be military-specific, but this well-intentioned phrase can quickly minimize what a military family is going through. “At least the deployment isn’t longer.” “At least you’re PCSing somewhere nice.” “At least they’ll be home by spring.” Before you know it, we’re competing in the Misery Olympics, comparing hardships when nobody wins. Instead of searching for the silver lining, sometimes the best thing we can do is simply listen, acknowledge that it is hard and offer comfort or counsel when it feels appropriate.
  • Bloom where you’re planted. Botany simply does not endorse this. We bloom where we are supported, where our needs are met and where we have room to grow. We might not vibe with every single place the military sends us, and that’s OK. If a member of a military family isn’t blooming where they’ve been temporarily planted, chances are that connection and resources could help, unlike this tired phrase.
  • Do more with less. It’s giving unrealistic expectations and burnout. We will (somehow) always handle what is in front of us thanks to our own innovation, creativity, skills and community. I’d hardly call that less.
  • Forever home. I used to think this was the carrot dangling in front of us during my husband’s years of service. It would atone for the subpar rentals and white walls. I don’t love the label now. Let’s keep it casual. We live in a home for now and will eventually live in another one. After that, who knows. There’s a lot of life to live between now and then.
  • Hive mind. It’s on the bingo card for every social media spouse group I’ve ever joined. The more I see it, the more my lip curls. Military spouses don’t all think the same. We have different ideas and experiences. Let’s normalize crowdsourcing without assuming our many incredible minds subscribe to groupthink.
  • Mandatory fun. I’m merely recommending a rebrand here. If attendance is mandatory, then so is fun.
  • Military brats. It’s a term of endearment from another generation, but I think we can put this relic on the shelf. [pulls out soapbox and steps on top]. Bouncing back after challenges, I’ve found, requires a minimum of time, rest, reflection and supportive relationships. Yes, I am resilient, and so are my kids. I’ll take a leap and say that your family probably is too. The disconnect lies here: We can overcome adversity. We should not be expected to carry on like everything is fine if asked to absorb blow after blow. We’re humans, not robots.
  • We’re all in the same boat. Ship captains, weigh in, but I’m pretty sure we’re all in our own boats. Some of us are in the safety of the harbor on a megayacht, and some of us are white-knuckling on a tube dragging behind a speedboat on choppy water. And without warning, we might trade places! Our families, circumstances and experiences will be different. But what we can do is be empathetic and throw a life preserver when we have a free hand.
  • You signed up for this. Let’s all just collectively laugh at this before we wrap. No matter what we think we might be “signing up for,” we’re going to be surprised. Let’s just hope the surprises are more finding five bucks in the pocket of your jeans and less hand, foot and mouth disease while you’re solo parenting during a deployment.

It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a start. I’m OK with the acronyms, even the ones that make no sense to me. Outdated words and phrases that downplay and overlook the sacrifices of military families give me the ick. The vibes are off, but we can get them on track. Bet.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

A woman holds a baby looking out a window.

Preparing for Deployment Season

Written By Sydney Smith

As I sit here this morning, clicking the soft keys of my computer, the sunshine warms my shoulders, birds chirp nearby and a soft blue sky stretches overhead.

I’m thankful to be sitting here in this moment, soaking it all in — not only the simple beauty surrounding me, but this season of life. Because soon, life as I know it right now will begin to change.

Our fourth baby will be arriving soon, scheduled to be delivered amidst the peak autumn foliage and endless pumpkin spice lattes. With the change of our climate as fall approaches, we too have a big change in season for our family. While I am over the moon excited for this little bookend baby to arrive and bring cuddles and smiles and a sense of wholeness to our family, I am also bracing myself for what will be both literally and figuratively some very rainy days ahead.

October is a big transitional month here in the Pacific Northwest. The days rapidly lose sunshine, rainfall increases and things get dark and gloomy quickly, with no end in sight. While I know I will be overjoyed to have a bundle of joy to cozy up with, I know this transitional period will come with both joy and sorrow. As early December approaches, my husband deploys for several months, missing Christmas and leaving us to fight off the winter blues without him. I know we will be OK, but this anticipation certainly has me planning for how we are getting through this next chapter. My goal will not be to thrive (I have to be realistic here) but maybe do a little more than survive.

Here are five ways I am already mentally preparing for this season ahead:

  1. Asking for and accepting more help than normal. Having a baby comes with a lot of extra support and offers from friends in our community, and I am not usually quick to accept help; I never have been, but I know with everything inside of me I am going to need help this year. I am making a promise to myself to be better about accepting kind offers from friends and family, whether that means keeping the kids to give me a break, helping with chores around the house or pitching in however they can. I want to look at this season as a time to let others give to our family, knowing I will again be in a place where I can give back in the future.
  2. Making exceptions around the holidays. I tend to be a rigid person around Christmas. For instance, I don’t ever like to entertain the idea of traveling or visiting extended family in December. Rather, I prefer to focus on family time, being present and attentive to the real meaning of Christmas and building new traditions in our home as our children grow. This year, I am trying to set the expectation for myself to have no expectations. As much as it pains me, I plan to skip a lot of extras this year like sending Christmas cards, baking assortments of cookies from scratch, planning festive outings and preparing sourdough cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning. I’m not even sure I’ll decorate much or get a Christmas tree. While I usually have a burst of festive energy that hits eagerly and naturally as we come into the Christmas season, I know this year will look so different with a new baby at home and my husband deployed. I am already training my brain to approach the holidays with simplicity and practicality this year.
  3. Taking shortcuts. I have become adept in this skill already, due to all the practice I’ve had with past TDYs and deployments. Upon my husband pulling out of the driveway, I get into “shortcut mode” almost automatically, spending less time on bedtime routines and household chores, and spending more money on conveniences like paper plates, frozen foods and takeout. I’m not proud of these shortcuts, but I’m proud of the better mom they help me be.
  4. Splurging on “extras.” I plan to splurge on things I usually say no to, such as routine home cleaning services, meal delivery companies, memberships to our local family gym (with childcare, of course!), the children’s museum and movie theater. Getting outdoors with four kids (including an infant) will be near impossible to do consistently on my own during the rainy season here, and so I am looking at this as a temporary time to splurge on a few extras to get us through the long dark days. I know, of course, not everyone’s finances will allow for this, but if you can find some places in the budget that might be able to give a little bit, perhaps you can make room for a few things that will help make your life easier for a short time.
  5. Saying “no” to more. During these next several months, I plan to pull back on most of my commitments that don’t directly benefit my family. These include things like taking a break from church nursery duty, closing my online custom wood design store, as well as taking a pause from writing blogs. I am trying to be realistic about how to go about life after gaining a child and temporarily losing my husband to a deployment, and I know that “no” will be my key to unlocking the additional time and energy I’ll need to manage things on my own for a while.

If you, too, find yourself anticipating a hard time ahead, I encourage you to lay out a similar plan. Try to predict what might be hardest on you, and ways you can ease any burdens that come your way. I can promise you that being a planner at a time like this comes in handy because it’s much easier to think clearly and strategically before you enter the storm, rather than once you find yourself in it.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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