Box of handwritten letters

Love Letters From Afar

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

Valentine’s Day can feel like a cruel joke when your spouse is halfway around the world on deployment or stuck at a training exercise many miles away. For me, those February 14ths during my husband’s five combat deployments often turned a day of hearts and flowers into one of lonely heartache. There were many times I felt angry, disappointed, jealous and just frustrated that military life interfered with our relationship.

Thankfully, we found a simple, old-school way to stay connected: letters. In an age of instant texts and video calls, there’s something powerful about putting pen to paper. After almost two decades as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that love letters aren’t just romantic. They can be a lifeline that keeps your marriage strong across oceans and time zones.

This article shares small acts of love to give you something to look forward to while the days drag on. Whether you prefer writing “open when” letters or creating surprise video montages, use these simple heartfelt ideas to remind your service member they’re still your number one priority.

Box filled with handwritten letters, envelopes and journals

Why Letters Work When Everything Else Feels Far Away

Phone calls can get cut short by bad signal or duty. But a letter? It’s always ready when you need it. It is a love reminder that sits in a pocket, a backpack or a locker until the moment it’s needed most. My husband carried a stack of my letters during his deployments (sealed in a Ziploc bag to keep out the Afghani sand). I reread his letters regularly, especially during those desert deployments when phone calls were only every few weeks. The words lasted longer than a conversation ever could.

Letters also let you say things you might not say out loud. You can reflect on how you’re growing or reminisce about how much your relationship has evolved. You can write about how proud you are, how much you miss their laugh, or even the silly little things like what the dog or the kids did today. Those details make your partner feel seen and loved, even when they’re far away.

“Open When” Letters: Your Secret Weapon

The easiest way to start your own collection of love letters is with “open when” envelopes. Pick 8–10 simple moments, write a short letter for each one and seal them in envelopes labeled with the prompt. Here are some favorites that worked for us:

  • Open when you’re having a rough day
  • Open when you need a laugh
  • Open when you’re proud of yourself
  • Open when you’re feeling homesick
  • Open when you need to feel loved
  • Open when you’re coming home soon

Keep them short and sweet. Often, one page is perfect. Add a photo, a sticker, a meme you printed or a spritz of body spray. It turns a simple letter into a true gift. If writing feels hard, try a short video instead. Record yourself reading a message aloud.

Make It a Habit, Not Just a Holiday Thing

The real magic happens when you turn letter-writing into a regular habit. Set a goal to send one letter every week or every other week. Keep a small notebook by your bed to jot down funny things the kids say or moments you want to share. Not only will this help you both feel connected, but it will also wire your brain to reflect on the good, positive moments throughout your day. One military spouse friend calls this “hunting the good stuff.”

If you’re worried about running out of things to say, try these prompts:

  • What made you smile today?
  • What’s one thing you’re proud of this week?
  • Tell me about a dream you had.
  • What’s something you want to do together when you’re home?

These questions keep the letters light and loving instead of heavy or sad. When the mail arrives, you’ll feel closer to each other, even on ordinary days.

When the Distance Feels Too Big

Some days, the ache is real. You might cry while writing or worry that your words aren’t enough. That’s OK. Your service member feels it too. The fact that you’re still trying, still showing up in the mail, means everything. My husband and I each wrote tear-stained letters at one time. Now they are a beautiful part of our collection and our shared history.

Military marriage isn’t easy, but it’s built on moments like these. So, this Valentine’s Day (or any day), grab a pen, a stamp and a few envelopes. Write from the heart. Send love across the miles. Because even when time zones and deployments pull you apart, a simple letter can pull you right back together!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Family stands on airfield watching military plane; Kristi hugs daughter

The Emotional “Last Flight” in the Marine Corps

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

Sometime in August 2025, I hopped online to book my routine — yet always highly anticipated — haircut and color during my lunch break on Friday, Oct. 3. Then, a lot of life happened, as it does, until late September, when my husband relayed that his last flight in the C-130J was scheduled for the afternoon of — you guessed it — Friday, Oct. 3. No one was more disappointed than I was that I hadn’t seen this change of plans coming from a mile away — classic Marine Corps.

I canceled my appointment. I shook my head and rolled my eyes while doing it, but I canceled my appointment. We asked the kids if they’d like to miss an afternoon of school to watch Dad land the Herc one more time; we got one all-caps “YES!” from our middle schooler before we could get the words out and one cautious “OK” from our high schooler, who wanted to make sure we could return him to school afterward so he didn’t get behind or miss soccer practice.

And that was that. An otherwise normal day — I’d just pop out, pick up the kids from their respective schools, zip over to base, and be back before the end of the workday.

Military aircraft taxis under twin arcs of water in ceremonial return salute on airfield

Reality Check

As the day approached, I shared the date with my go-to text chain of two fellow Marine Corps friends who turned into family. You know those friends — they’ll go to bat for you without even knowing the details because you are always right, and when you’re wrong, they tell you.

One of these friends just happens to be local (not sarcastically: thanks, Marine Corps) and accepted the invitation to be there for the last flight with almost as much enthusiasm as our middle schooler. The friend on the other side of the country (sarcastically: thanks, Marine Corps) matched the enthusiasm and asked if I would have a photographer there.

Well, that honestly hadn’t occurred to me. For months, our family’s focus was on planning for the upcoming retirement. The last flight — even though we understood the significance — was more of a box to check versus a separate occasion. I assumed we’d be there, snap some pictures with our phones and carry on with our Friday.

I overthought it, as I do. And just to squash the what-ifs, I asked the photographer booked for the retirement — another fellow Marine spouse — if she could be there for the final flight too. I lathered the email in the typical way: I know it’s short notice, no worries if you can’t, just wanted to check, etc.

Turns out, she was available. Turns out, I am glad I asked.

Kristi’s military husband walks across runway beneath wing of large military aircraft, carrying gear bag

Smiling family poses in front of large military aircraft on sunny runway

Approach and Landing

Friday, Oct. 3, arrived. The kids went to school. My husband left for work. And I switched on my computer to start my workday.

I left when it was time to head to base and picked up both kids. Everything was going according to plan. We were even met at the squadron turnstile and swiped through without having to wave people down or text people in the building. Maybe not a first for me, but a rarity.

I made small talk with the kids, my in-laws, the photographer, and the friend I’d invited via text days earlier. It was uncharacteristically windy that day on the flightline — it seems I was never meant to have good hair that day. Conversations would pause as jets took off. It all felt so normal.

As the time approached, I watched as every instructor and student from my husband’s squadron filed onto the flight line.

To my left, the station fire trucks stood by, ready for the ceremonial water gun salute.

The buzz and the normalcy carried on without me as the significance of this moment started to hit me.

This was the very same flight line where I stood — absolutely freezing — waiting for my husband to return from Iraq. It was the same flight line where our now high schooler and I took photos together in front of the Herc, commemorating his first Christmas, the first of a few he would spend without his dad over the years. It was the same flightline where I stood with our son — both of us absolutely freezing . . . can a girl get a summer homecoming? — waiting for my husband to return from his second deployment.

Since then, there have been too many takeoffs and landings to count. Years of changing plans, moving, flexing, doing more with less, making friends, losing friends, all the best days, all the days that tried my patience — it was all about to be punctuated as soon as those wheels touched down one more time.

So there, in an admittedly poetic bookend moment, we waited for his plane to come into view.

When it did, my brain hopped in the backseat and my emotions took the wheel. I fidgeted with the charms on my necklaces as he approached and did his fancy banking maneuvers.

He touched down one last time in the Herc as planned. Tears pooled in my eyes (must have been the wind), and I let out an exhale that had been building for the past 17 years. Bittersweet — somehow too early and long overdue at the same time, it was over.

Even then, fully conscious of the significance, the moment flew by — a blur of activity, like so many milestones in life. But, forever, long after the little details fall out of the memory of that day, I can look at the photos, remember the butterflies in my stomach, pride in my heart, wind in my hair, and tears in my eyes.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of  separating and retiring resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Military Relationship Date Night Ideas | Blog Brigade

Date Nights on a Budget

Written By Sydney Smith

As we approach another Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be fun to share some date night ideas on a budget. During COVID-19, my husband and I became pretty good at finding fun ways to connect with each other at home. As we’ve had three kids since then and find it hard to get out on dates for that reason, we have continued carrying on a lot of these at-home date night traditions. Spending time together doesn’t always have to look like fancy dinners or going to the movies. As military families, we are often met with a few obstacles that make getting out on regular date nights difficult. One, we are often far from family members who we wish we could rely on for the occasional date night. Second, good babysitters are hard to come by and can take a while to establish.

Lately, my husband and I have been trying to be more intentional about having more fun together. Life feels too busy to connect these days, as we often fall into a business-like relationship trying to balance all our responsibilities with the kids and house. Prioritizing our marriage isn’t always first on the list, but we’ve realized it is something we need to focus on. Here are some ways we like to have fun together on the weekends when an out-of-the-house date night isn’t possible:

  1. Board games. This one sounds so obvious, and maybe boring, but let me encourage you to branch out! My husband got stuck in a rut playing the same simple games for a while — probably all the ones that come to mind immediately. Recently, we decided to venture into strategy board games, and it has opened a whole new world of fun to us. This is probably the most common thing that we do together, and we will often make it more fun by adding a cocktail or charcuterie snack board.
  2. Themed movie night. Put on a Western film and serve BBQ sliders with sweet tea, or mix up some old-fashioned cocktails for a more classic vibe. Or choose a romantic comedy set in Hawaii and make piña coladas alongside teriyaki pineapple bowls. Or go darker with a murder mystery, complete with a charcuterie tower, a smoky pinot noir and a few decadent chocolate truffles. Have fun with it! It might sound like a lot, but it can be as simple as you want, and it can seriously spice up your movie nights.
  3. Projector movie and fire. During the chilly months, we love to have a fire outside. Sometimes we will set up the projector and watch a movie. We will eat popcorn and candy, and make hot chocolate and wrap up in cozy blankets. It can be helpful to set this all up earlier in the day before it gets dark so that way it’s ready for date night whenever it’s finally time to unwind together (and we don’t have the excuse of being too tired to set anything up).
  4. Make a fancy dinner or dessert together. If you’re up for some cooking (and of course, cleanup after), this can be a fun way to connect after the kids go to bed. Feed them some chicken nuggets and then make yourself something gourmet later. Filets and mashed potatoes and prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, a nice pasta dish with homemade garlic bread, whatever you both like. If you’re like us, you don’t make these sorts of meals on a regular basis because kids don’t appreciate it and it’s not worth the cleanup. You can make it fun by simply connecting in the kitchen, just the two of you. I have fun teaching my husband how to cook while we chat, listen to music and sip wine together without interruptions. We always make a giant skillet chocolate chip cookie with vanilla ice cream on top for dessert. When it’s time to eat, we like to set the table with a candle, some flowers, and romantic music playing. It’s amazing how doing a few different things can make a meal at home feel so much more special.
  5. Cook-off challenge. This is another way to have fun together in the kitchen. Make a list of five or so ingredients you think could make some sort of meal or appetizer and get enough for both of you. Have a contest where you each have 30 minutes (or longer) to make something with your ingredients. When you’re done cooking, you will each eat both dishes and decide whose is best. This competition can be especially fun for couples who both like to cook and know what they’re doing in the kitchen. My husband is at a disadvantage when we do this because just about the only things he can cook are eggs and the occasional sandwich.
  6. At-home paint and sip. This is one of our favorite at-home date nights and can be so inexpensive because once you have the supplies, you don’t have to buy anything the next time (unless you run out of paint). Get your favorite beverages and find a painting tutorial on the internet. Set up the television or laptop where you can both see, and paint away! You can find simple supply lists for this online, but it’s typically just paintbrushes, paint and canvases.

There are, of course, endless ways to have fun at home; these are just some of our favorite ideas. All that matters is you both enjoy what you’re doing, and you’re spending time together. It could be as simple as an evening walk or bike ride around the neighborhood or as complicated as a home project together. Make it what you want, and whatever you do — don’t let it stress you out!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of relationship resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Featured Topics

Man sitting with dog on dock

PCS Prep

woman meditating

Self-Care