Kristi’s family of four posing together against a gray wall.

No One Knows It All

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

In July of this year, my husband completed his last Marine Corps weigh-in. For anyone curious, he crushed it, as usual, but this Marine with a sweet tooth unknowingly scheduled his last weigh-in during the same week that our daughter attended baking camp, bringing home dozens of chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, blueberry muffins and an entire peanut butter pie, just to name a few.

Kristi’s daughter in a striped apron baking at home, placing a tray of cookie dough into the oven in a kitchen.

Three decorated cupcakes held above a table: one with pink frosting, one chocolate with white icing and a chocolate swirl, and one with white frosting topped with a gummy orange slice.

Not one to sleep on a chance to share an ironic chuckle with friends, I took to the text chain I share with my inner circle military spouse pals, which is just two other people — so, inner triangle? I digress. I knew they’d get it because they get me, they know my husband and they can also appreciate a delicious dessert.

When I sent a text saying something along the lines of my husband picking the wrong week to weigh in, I got the expected “HAHA” reaction and a reply of, “Um, can I go to this camp?” That was that, or so I thought.

Then I got another reply, “Wait. It’s July. Did he get a delayed June weigh-in, or is he getting ahead for the second half of the year?”

Sensing this was foreign information for me, this friend went on to explain there is one weigh-in between January and June and one between July and December.

I became the exploding emoji in that moment. Seventeen years — that’s 34 of these things — and it never once occurred to me that there was any kind of schedule. Either my powers of observation aren’t what I thought they were (no, no, that can’t be it), or we just can’t be expected to know it all.

Assuming it’s the latter of those two, that only further convinces me of the importance of community for military families. I don’t know everything (not even close), but chances are, I know someone who has an answer for the question of the day.

Plugging into a network, finding your people, creating an inner triangle — whatever you want to call it — is without a doubt the best advice I could give to a new military spouse. It’s about so much more than making friends at a duty station, though the social aspect is a nice perk. Your community becomes your support system when you need a hand, someone to hold your baby for 10 minutes so you can shower, help finding a rental house, or an emergency contact for your kids’ new school.

Kristi and his husband wearing sunglasses hugging by the water, with a long bridge stretching across the background.

Your community becomes your phone-a-friend in those times when you have no idea what [insert the craziest acronym you’ve encountered] means or where in the world building 3200B is — because all the buildings on base look the same and the addresses appear to be in no logical pattern.

When you find the people you can lean on, the people who get you, the people who don’t (seriously) judge you when you don’t know something (though sarcasm, a gentle roasting and a shared laugh are expected, in my triangle anyway), keep them close. Metaphorically speaking, of course, because PCSes are going to PCS.

Kristi and her husband in white shirts sitting close together on a sandy beach near the water’s edge.

These people are the best sounding board for all things military or otherwise. They keep us on track, informed and laughing. They are our cheering section, carpool, quick reference and confidants. They become family. And I, for one, would be lost without mine.

So, if you’re new here and haven’t yet found your people, they’re coming and probably also reluctantly attending spouse events or bringing their kids to the playground solo hoping to bump into you. And if you’re lucky enough to have an inner triangle, text them today and thank them for being friends.

Kristi and her husband wearing sunglasses on a wooden bench against a brick wall.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of relationship resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Close-up of a hand holding a blue and white ceramic mug near a snowy window with trees outside

Rebuilding Routines After the Holidays: Small Steps for Military Spouses

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

The holidays are over, the decorations are packed and January’s quiet may feel heavy. For military spouses, it’s not just the post-holiday slump; it’s also the stress of solo parenting, tight budgets or waiting for PCS orders that could upend everything. After 23 years as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that when life feels chaotic, focusing on small things I can control — like meal prep or keeping just one small part of my house organized — brings calm and balance.

Forget big New Year’s resolutions that most often fizzle faster than a New Years firework. Dramatic life changes and resolutions don’t always fit military life’s surprises, like sudden TDYs or unexpected PCS orders. Instead, try micro-goals: tiny steps that stick, helping you stay steady no matter what comes next.

By focusing on what you can control — your home, your daily habits, your mindset, you can create an environment of stability that balances the chaos. Here’s how to rebuild routines after the holidays, tailored for military spouses.

Four kids in pajamas read books together on a brown leather couch, wrapped in blankets

Micro-Goals Mean Big Wins

Setting sweeping goals like “lose 20 pounds” or “organize the garage” often flops once life gets messy. Micro-goals are easier. Think small daily habits, like “walk 10 minutes twice a week” or “tidy one small area daily.” During my husband’s deployments, I’d prep several meals on weekends when my kids were in bed. It wasn’t fancy, but it saved me from hectic mornings or dinnertime stress. Pick one goal, like “drink water every morning” or “fold one load of laundry.” Write it down, stick it on the fridge and check it off daily. That small win feels good and keeps you going.

Lit fireplace behind a decorative wrought iron screen, set in a rustic stone hearth

Tame Your Environment, Tame Your Stress

When military life feels out of control, your home is your anchor, but clutter in your home environment can make you feel worse. Science shows a messy environment spikes cortisol, making you feel stressed and anxious. That’s why decluttering can be a way to reset your brain to a healthier balance. After the holidays, new toys and gifts pile up, so I clear out old stuff to make space. Try a “one-in, one-out” rule: new toy comes in, old one goes out. I donate clothes, sell toys the kids outgrew or give away extra books. This keeps our closets and bedrooms from overflowing.

To maintain this control throughout the year, start small. Pick one manageable spot, like the kitchen counter, and spend five minutes daily tidying it. During one deployment, with a new baby and toddler toys overrunning the house, I focused on keeping my bathroom organized. That was “my space” to retreat to when I needed a calm breath in the chaos. Eventually, having a clean bathroom empowered me to clean up my bedroom and other areas of the house.

Open notebook and pen beside a wooden tray with a teapot and mug, all placed on a bed

Build Routines That Flex

Military life isn’t predictable, so your routines shouldn’t be rigid. Think of three daily must-dos that ground you, like a quick journal, a small chore or texting a friend. My morning mug of tea and gratitude journal helped keep me sane, even when we moved across the world from Rota, Spain, to Camp Pendleton, California. (That was nine time zones of change!) Start with a small, five-minute habit: maybe stretching in the morning, or reading from a devotional book or playing a favorite song. To end your day, build similar positive habits. Maybe you sit in silence and pet the dog, or sip herbal tea before bed or clear your mind by jotting down tomorrow’s to-do list. The beauty of these micro-habits is that they travel with you, no matter where the rest of the year takes you.

Connect With Your Tribe

After the whirlwind of December, January can feel lonely. This is especially true if you’re far from family or at a new base. Your spouse community — local or online — can be a game-changer. Text a friend, join a virtual coffee event or comment in a spouse social media group. There are numerous options for book clubs to suit any reading genre. Even a quick “I tackled the dishes!” message can spark connection and remind you you’re not alone.

Bounce Back From Setbacks

Let’s be honest with ourselves: Even the best plans fail. Kids get sick, movers delay, deployments stretch. When these interruptions happen, don’t quit your routine; tweak it. Miss your walk? Dance with the kids for five minutes. Forgot to meal prep? Keep frozen backups. After two decades as a military spouse, I know setbacks are just part of the journey. Keep going and remind yourself every small step counts.

January’s a chance to start small. Your micro-goals, clear spaces and flexible routines aren’t just tasks. They’re your way of owning the chaos. Grab a pen, pick one thing to control today and build a rhythm that carries you forward, ready for whatever military life brings.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

Close-up of two hands gently clasped, one wearing a diamond engagement ring

Staying Connected Through the Distance

Written By Sydney Smith

It goes without saying that staying connected to your spouse during separations takes effort on both parts. If you’re like me, and your love language is “quality time,” then you are in for an extra challenge.  How do you get quality time with your spouse when they’re overseas or gone for extended periods?  Quality conversations might be possible here and there but are not often — and certainly not the same as genuine quality time.

After just shy of 10 years of Army life, my husband and I have discovered some better ways to stay in touch through our times apart, and while it’s never the same as being in the same room face-to-face, these things do help us stay better connected:

  1. Discuss expectations: Before parting, plan a time to talk with your spouse and allow each of you an opportunity to voice expectations regarding communication. For instance, if talking on the phone before bed each night is important to you, this should be voiced. If one spouse prefers not to text throughout the day in order to make phone calls richer, that should also be expressed. Discuss whether you will video or audio call, and which apps you will use for communications.
  2. Play phone games: This is one of our favorite creative ways to stay connected when we are apart. We will download word games and other multiplayer games on our phones that we can play with each other in our free time. This keeps a little healthy fun and lightheartedness in our marriage during a not-so-easy or fun time.
  3. Create a communication schedule (take into account time zones): During separations, you will often be in significantly different time zones (unless he happens to be on TDY in the states).  Due to his specific job, when my husband deploys, he usually goes to the same place, so we can always rely on a 14–15-hour time difference (depending on daylight savings). Over time, we have learned to be patient for the first few weeks as my husband gets adjusted and situated in the area before we can count on a specific schedule for our communication. We are, of course, loose with this schedule because every day looks different for both of us. Typically, during this last deployment, my husband would call me every morning (before he went to sleep) and again at his lunchtime (when I was winding down in the evening). These were times designated for just us to connect. His other phone call, during dinner time (when he was waking up), was usually to say “hello” to the kids while I cooked dinner. This schedule works well for us for this particular time zone difference, and it was nice to be able to count on specific times of the day when we would talk, rather than waiting and wondering when the next time would be.
  4. Write each other letters: While it can seem unnecessary with instant communication available, there is still beauty in the tradition of letter writing. Sometimes feelings and words are just more eloquently expressed in a letter, and letters are long enough when you can take time to really get out anything that’s on your heart. If you’re feeling extra romantic and adventurous, you could even write poems or sappy love notes to one another through letters, just to keep a spark and keep both of you smiling from across oceans.
  5. Weekly check-ins: During deployments, my husband and I make it a habit on Sunday evenings to really connect. We take turns asking and answering a few questions that get us talking on a deeper level than “How was your day?” kind of stuff. Our list of questions is short and sweet but addresses a lot: “What was a high and low from your week?” “How can I serve/support you best this week?”  “What’s something you wish I understood about what life is like for you right now?“ You and your spouse can, of course, pick and choose or add on to these questions with your own. You might like to change them up week to week, so it doesn’t get monotonous. Just do this in a way that suits you both best. Most importantly, you both need to be willing and committed. These check-in questions won’t be helpful if just one spouse is taking them seriously.

These are just a few of the ways my husband and I try to best stay connected when he is away, and I hope some of our wisdom can help others who are newer to separations or who are needing some ideas on how to “spice up their phone lives” when apart.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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