Sydney holding her baby watching a nighttime military ceremony with a raised American flag.

You Know You’re a Military Spouse When…

Written By Sydney Smith

Being a military spouse means living in a unique world that doesn’t always make sense to people on the outside. It’s a life measured less by the normal up and down rhythm of life or the comforts found in familiarity and roots, and more so by countdowns, moves, deployments, homecomings, hard goodbyes, new beginnings and constant change. The military spouse embodies equal parts pride, chaos, resilience and humor developed purely for survival.

If you know, you know. And if you don’t, these sentence finishers might give you a glimpse into the beautifully unhinged, deeply meaningful reality of military spouse life. You know you’re a military spouse when…

  • You have a paper chain made of 270 links draping across the perimeter of your entire living room.
  • You can make a best friend in six months.
  • Your plans revolve around the promised four-day weekends and block leave dates that you know may never happen.
  • You bang the lid of the pasta jar with the back of a knife to get it open because “you don’t need no man” even though your husband is right in the other room.
  • You start making up acronyms for every little thing like the shows you watch and the stores you shop at because, well, this just feels like a normal thing to do.
  • Your child often asks, “Is Daddy at long work or short work?”
  • You overuse the word “adventure” because it makes everything sound a little less scary.
  • You own an entire wardrobe for every climate that exists in North America.
  • Your whole day was unexpectedly taken up because you were “on the phone with TRICARE again.”
  • You celebrate the days, not always the dates.
  • You try to keep as many items as possible that you own tucked away in the black and yellow storage totes that take up an entire wall in your garage.
  • You’ve learned all sorts of skills like hanging curtains, filling up tires, spraying wasp nests and mowing the lawn.
  • Your worst nightmare is filling out a form that requires all past addresses.
  • Your heart can live in two time zones at once.
  • Your toddler calls the phone “Daddy.”
  • You literally answer every question with “it depends.”
  • You’re suspected of car theft because your car was purchased, registered and sold in three different states, all of which are different from the state on your driver’s license.
  • You’re repeatedly asked where you’d like to live next, and then you’re often sent to the precise opposite place.
  • You count down weeks by the number of trash nights left.
  • You stand awkwardly at the gas station pump because you can’t remember your new ZIP code.
  • You know your spouse’s social security number better than your own.
  • Your toddler will run up to any man in uniform thinking it’s Daddy.
  • Your PCM is booked up for approximately the next seven and a half months out.
  • You get confused by the question “Where are you from?” and you second-guess yourself whenever you use the word “home” — because what even is that?
  • Planning a baby at the perfect time is impossible.
  • “Home” in your GPS is three addresses ago (or is this just me?).

Anyway, I could go on forever. Whether you chuckled, nodded along or felt seen in a way only another military spouse can understand, these moments are ours. They’re the stories we carry, the humor we cling to and the proof that even in the uncertainty, we’re stronger than we ever expected to be.

If you know, you know. And if you don’t — now you do.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of health and wellness resources and tools tailored to your needs.

 

Small group gathers with umbrellas in front of the Marine Corps War Memorial as a military member raises their right hand in oath.

Where Do You See Yourself in 10 Years?

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

Four years ago, I was interviewing for a truly incredible job in the Department of the Air Force. It was something I never imagined myself doing — coordinating events between senior leaders and some of the most respected and influential defense and policy experts inside the Beltway of D.C. — but the kind of job you don’t pass up if you’ve been recommended for it.

The interview was going well, and then came the question that has military spouses so often shrugging their shoulders and making up a response that balances plausible and ambitious: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In nearly 20 years of approaching that question as a military spouse — in fields from teaching to defense contracting to Air Force public affairs to nonprofit work — I’ve learned the formula.

1. State the Obvious (If It Feels Right)

We know the gamble, right? Do we come right out and out ourselves as a military spouse in the interview, knowing that they might just see a potential employee who won’t be around long? Or do we display our military spouse title for the asset it is?

Realistically, unless the job has remote capabilities, we won’t be in the seat long. But that is not representative of our loyalty. What we stand to gain by being open about being military spouses is all the following (and more):

  • Organization
  • Problem solving
  • Flexibility
  • Adaptability
  • Broad experience
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Motivation
  • Volunteer experience (especially covering any glaring resume gaps)

I wish I could tell you when to fly the military spouse flag and when to tuck it away until you’re signing paperwork with human resources, but we’re all pretty good at reading rooms — you’ll know if the time and the vibes are right.

2. Emphasize Your Ambition

This is where it gets to be a kind of “choose your own adventure” game. If you’ve opted to share your military spouse status, read here: Don’t be shy. Tell them what you intend to do in the next 10 years of your career and (and this is important) how this job is an important part of that plan. I would lead with something like, “I may not have the deciding say in ‘where’ on the map I will be, but I am determined to…”

Anyone not mentioning the whole military spouse thing, pick it up here: Don’t hold back, explain what your career goals are and how this role is an important (even long-term) step. The interviewer just doesn’t need to know your interpretation of “long-term” just yet.

No matter what, the life skills and soft skills you’ve learned as a military spouse have shaped you into an incredibly valuable hire. No matter how you spin it, make sure that it is clear.

Kristi’s family takes a selfie

The End

Just in time to craft the perfect answer to the 10-year-plan question, I’m losing a big part of it. In that Air Force interview, I responded with something like, “I may not be able to predict where I will be or what opportunities will be available, but I know for sure I will be working to support the military community — those who serve, their families and their survivors.”

Though not job hunting since we are staying put after retirement, I’m sure the day will come when that question arises — whether socially or professionally.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years when the military isn’t part of the equation?

It seems wild, right? If we weren’t factoring in at least one, two or a half-dozen moves to any number of places; what the job market might be (or, more often, not be at any place); or the natural way the military spouse seems to default to second priority, what would we be doing?

Personally, I don’t have that answer yet. My career has completely evolved in 17 years. I was a middle school English teacher and cheerleading coach when I became a military spouse. I now find myself as an editor at a national nonprofit by way of the Department of the Air Force’s Public Affairs and Legislative Liaison offices. I earned a master’s degree in political management. I’ve tutored students in math (perhaps the most anxiety-inducing). I’ve written this blog nearly the entire time — what a gift, but “blogger” wasn’t even a job when I picked a major.

If I’m daydreaming, in 10 years, I’d love to be writing best-selling novels from a window-facing desk in our little coastal cottage with our dog curled up at my feet. Our son and daughter (I hate imagining them grown, but I’m being brave here) live 10 minutes away doing what they love, and they call me all the time. My husband, the nearly 10-year Marine Corps veteran at that point, will be doing whatever it is that makes him happy.

Maybe it sounds far-fetched, but after proudly serving and supporting, I’m learning to accept that nothing is as crazy, impossible, or out of reach as it sounded when I got here so many years ago. I’m not the same me, and I’m betting neither are you.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness and connection. Explore a range of education and employment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Box of handwritten letters

Love Letters From Afar

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

Valentine’s Day can feel like a cruel joke when your spouse is halfway around the world on deployment or stuck at a training exercise many miles away. For me, those February 14ths during my husband’s five combat deployments often turned a day of hearts and flowers into one of lonely heartache. There were many times I felt angry, disappointed, jealous and just frustrated that military life interfered with our relationship.

Thankfully, we found a simple, old-school way to stay connected: letters. In an age of instant texts and video calls, there’s something powerful about putting pen to paper. After almost two decades as a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that love letters aren’t just romantic. They can be a lifeline that keeps your marriage strong across oceans and time zones.

This article shares small acts of love to give you something to look forward to while the days drag on. Whether you prefer writing “open when” letters or creating surprise video montages, use these simple heartfelt ideas to remind your service member they’re still your number one priority.

Box filled with handwritten letters, envelopes and journals

Why Letters Work When Everything Else Feels Far Away

Phone calls can get cut short by bad signal or duty. But a letter? It’s always ready when you need it. It is a love reminder that sits in a pocket, a backpack or a locker until the moment it’s needed most. My husband carried a stack of my letters during his deployments (sealed in a Ziploc bag to keep out the Afghani sand). I reread his letters regularly, especially during those desert deployments when phone calls were only every few weeks. The words lasted longer than a conversation ever could.

Letters also let you say things you might not say out loud. You can reflect on how you’re growing or reminisce about how much your relationship has evolved. You can write about how proud you are, how much you miss their laugh, or even the silly little things like what the dog or the kids did today. Those details make your partner feel seen and loved, even when they’re far away.

“Open When” Letters: Your Secret Weapon

The easiest way to start your own collection of love letters is with “open when” envelopes. Pick 8–10 simple moments, write a short letter for each one and seal them in envelopes labeled with the prompt. Here are some favorites that worked for us:

  • Open when you’re having a rough day
  • Open when you need a laugh
  • Open when you’re proud of yourself
  • Open when you’re feeling homesick
  • Open when you need to feel loved
  • Open when you’re coming home soon

Keep them short and sweet. Often, one page is perfect. Add a photo, a sticker, a meme you printed or a spritz of body spray. It turns a simple letter into a true gift. If writing feels hard, try a short video instead. Record yourself reading a message aloud.

Make It a Habit, Not Just a Holiday Thing

The real magic happens when you turn letter-writing into a regular habit. Set a goal to send one letter every week or every other week. Keep a small notebook by your bed to jot down funny things the kids say or moments you want to share. Not only will this help you both feel connected, but it will also wire your brain to reflect on the good, positive moments throughout your day. One military spouse friend calls this “hunting the good stuff.”

If you’re worried about running out of things to say, try these prompts:

  • What made you smile today?
  • What’s one thing you’re proud of this week?
  • Tell me about a dream you had.
  • What’s something you want to do together when you’re home?

These questions keep the letters light and loving instead of heavy or sad. When the mail arrives, you’ll feel closer to each other, even on ordinary days.

When the Distance Feels Too Big

Some days, the ache is real. You might cry while writing or worry that your words aren’t enough. That’s OK. Your service member feels it too. The fact that you’re still trying, still showing up in the mail, means everything. My husband and I each wrote tear-stained letters at one time. Now they are a beautiful part of our collection and our shared history.

Military marriage isn’t easy, but it’s built on moments like these. So, this Valentine’s Day (or any day), grab a pen, a stamp and a few envelopes. Write from the heart. Send love across the miles. Because even when time zones and deployments pull you apart, a simple letter can pull you right back together!

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of deployment resources and tools tailored to your needs.

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