As I sit here this morning, clicking the soft keys of my computer, the sunshine warms my shoulders, birds chirp nearby and a soft blue sky stretches overhead.
I’m thankful to be sitting here in this moment, soaking it all in — not only the simple beauty surrounding me, but this season of life. Because soon, life as I know it right now will begin to change.
Our fourth baby will be arriving soon, scheduled to be delivered amidst the peak autumn foliage and endless pumpkin spice lattes. With the change of our climate as fall approaches, we too have a big change in season for our family. While I am over the moon excited for this little bookend baby to arrive and bring cuddles and smiles and a sense of wholeness to our family, I am also bracing myself for what will be both literally and figuratively some very rainy days ahead.
October is a big transitional month here in the Pacific Northwest. The days rapidly lose sunshine, rainfall increases and things get dark and gloomy quickly, with no end in sight. While I know I will be overjoyed to have a bundle of joy to cozy up with, I know this transitional period will come with both joy and sorrow. As early December approaches, my husband deploys for several months, missing Christmas and leaving us to fight off the winter blues without him. I know we will be OK, but this anticipation certainly has me planning for how we are getting through this next chapter. My goal will not be to thrive (I have to be realistic here) but maybe do a little more than survive.
Here are five ways I am already mentally preparing for this season ahead:
- Asking for and accepting more help than normal. Having a baby comes with a lot of extra support and offers from friends in our community, and I am not usually quick to accept help; I never have been, but I know with everything inside of me I am going to need help this year. I am making a promise to myself to be better about accepting kind offers from friends and family, whether that means keeping the kids to give me a break, helping with chores around the house or pitching in however they can. I want to look at this season as a time to let others give to our family, knowing I will again be in a place where I can give back in the future.
- Making exceptions around the holidays. I tend to be a rigid person around Christmas. For instance, I don’t ever like to entertain the idea of traveling or visiting extended family in December. Rather, I prefer to focus on family time, being present and attentive to the real meaning of Christmas and building new traditions in our home as our children grow. This year, I am trying to set the expectation for myself to have no expectations. As much as it pains me, I plan to skip a lot of extras this year like sending Christmas cards, baking assortments of cookies from scratch, planning festive outings and preparing sourdough cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning. I’m not even sure I’ll decorate much or get a Christmas tree. While I usually have a burst of festive energy that hits eagerly and naturally as we come into the Christmas season, I know this year will look so different with a new baby at home and my husband deployed. I am already training my brain to approach the holidays with simplicity and practicality this year.
- Taking shortcuts. I have become adept in this skill already, due to all the practice I’ve had with past TDYs and deployments. Upon my husband pulling out of the driveway, I get into “shortcut mode” almost automatically, spending less time on bedtime routines and household chores, and spending more money on conveniences like paper plates, frozen foods and takeout. I’m not proud of these shortcuts, but I’m proud of the better mom they help me be.
- Splurging on “extras.” I plan to splurge on things I usually say no to, such as routine home cleaning services, meal delivery companies, memberships to our local family gym (with childcare, of course!), the children’s museum and movie theater. Getting outdoors with four kids (including an infant) will be near impossible to do consistently on my own during the rainy season here, and so I am looking at this as a temporary time to splurge on a few extras to get us through the long dark days. I know, of course, not everyone’s finances will allow for this, but if you can find some places in the budget that might be able to give a little bit, perhaps you can make room for a few things that will help make your life easier for a short time.
- Saying “no” to more. During these next several months, I plan to pull back on most of my commitments that don’t directly benefit my family. These include things like taking a break from church nursery duty, closing my online custom wood design store, as well as taking a pause from writing blogs. I am trying to be realistic about how to go about life after gaining a child and temporarily losing my husband to a deployment, and I know that “no” will be my key to unlocking the additional time and energy I’ll need to manage things on my own for a while.
If you, too, find yourself anticipating a hard time ahead, I encourage you to lay out a similar plan. Try to predict what might be hardest on you, and ways you can ease any burdens that come your way. I can promise you that being a planner at a time like this comes in handy because it’s much easier to think clearly and strategically before you enter the storm, rather than once you find yourself in it.
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