Nothing puts terms like “lifelong” or “for life” in perspective quite like military separation. The end of military service is punctuated by a change in benefits and lifestyle. In the last year, I’ve heard more about TRICARE, DoD ID renewal, base access, and Veterans Affairs services than ever before. It’s not hard to begin believing that “benefits” are black and white. They’re earned and retained according to policy. For retirees, they’re forever—lifelong, for life. The same is true for military spouses, with a few exceptions. Military kids will eventually age out of TRICARE, base access, and other benefits earned by their service member parent unless they choose to serve.
Did this realization make me a little more emotional than rationally necessary? Of course, in my mind it’s no different than other milestones of growing up. Our kids lose baby teeth, ditch their training wheels, learn to drive, graduate, follow their own paths, and get their own health insurance. The simultaneous pull of parental torture and pride continues.
Redefining Benefits
While we can’t keep them (or keep them on our TRICARE plan) forever, there are things they can never lose:
- The culture they picked up along the way has some staying power. The places they’ve lived around the globe have shaped their understanding of the world. Whether outside the gates in Japan or on base in North Carolina, I’m proud that our kids appreciate diversity and customs different than their own. I’m grateful that they respect rules, customs, and traditions. I hope they continue to curiously ask questions and deepen their understanding of the world and the people in it.
- The stories and photos they have are proof of a full childhood. Even though it’s been nearly 10 years since we moved to Japan, their time there is still incredibly relevant. Just this month, our son completed a school history project about the atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He has actually visited ground zero in both places. They are real to him, and experience is an amazing teacher. More casually, I love hearing any time our kids can stun a classroom by sharing they lived in Japan—or even other parts of the U.S.—or they’ve traveled all over Asia. I hope they will always keep people guessing when they play Two Truths and a Lie!
- The family we chose aren’t blood relatives, of course, but they have a crew of honorary aunts and uncles who will always be in their corner. They’re growing up alongside bonus cousins, and it’s made this mama’s heart soar knowing that they have so many people who love them (and attend their games and recitals and remember their birthdays). That kind of bond is definitely “for life.”
- The pride and gratitude they carry for military service members was inspired by their own dad’s service. They were lucky enough to see firsthand what it means to stand for something bigger than themselves. They’ve seen the true meaning of sacrifice, and the importance in showing up and giving one hundred percent. Whether they choose to serve one day or not, I will never doubt that they respect those who wear the uniform and the families that serve alongside them.
Our kids might not have their DoD IDs forever, but they have plenty more (and more flattering) photos to look back on. Their years of being military kids and the experiences, people, and places that shaped it are theirs for life.
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