We know by now that a career in the military isn’t like other careers. A career in the military doesn’t just impact one member of the family from 9 to 5; it comes home. In fact, it dictates where we call home, how long we can live there, where we go next, and through years of military life experiences, it shapes the lives of each military family member.
Transition Course
So, of course, when military retirement comes around, it is a family affair. Anticipating this, I didn’t put up a fight when my husband encouraged me to attend a transition seminar just for spouses. The Marine Corps calls it the Spouse Transition and Readiness Seminar, or STARS (because we love an acronym). I can’t speak for all branches, but I can confirm that Marines attend a mandatory, multiday separation brief, and Marine spouses have the option to attend a CliffsNotes version for a few hours.
I went into the seminar not really knowing what to expect and came away with a page full of notes, reminders and contacts. If you have space in your schedule, it can’t hurt to attend; it’s a way to get answers to any looming unknowns and catch tips about TRICARE, VA benefits, budgeting and moving that might not even be on your radar. This course was a great reminder that every family and situation is different — even as we all reach the same finish line. You probably have questions (I sure do). Ask them! And, as I was reminded in the seminar, base resources are still accessible even after your spouse is no longer active duty.
(Civilian) Life Skills
I have mere months left of matching green boot socks. While I’m all too happy to hang up this skill that won’t translate to civilian spouse life, I know a few other things are about to change, and I’m not just talking about having BAH pried out of our white-knuckle grips and experiencing copays at the doctor’s office for all you current TRICARE Primers (my fellow select folks know that drill).
With the change in career for our spouses comes a change in everyone’s schedule. Maybe their schedule will become more predictable; maybe it won’t. Maybe they’ll be home more, maybe less, but one thing is certain: it will be an adjustment for the household, and with any adjustment comes the need for patience.
On top of schedule changes, there will be budgetary changes. As we mourn the loss of BAH, we can welcome retirement pay, potential disability pay and a new income (potentially two if you will also be reentering the workforce now that moving is a thing of the past). There will no longer be retention bonuses or special-duty payments to count on, and — depending on which state you call home — you may be facing state taxes for the first time in a while and tax on retirement pay for the first time ever. Paying close attention to the budget as your family makes the transition is crucial. There are plenty of tools that can help.
As we bid adieu to our state of residence driver’s license for a license where we actually live (I will not miss having to navigate that layer of confusion), and help our kids figure out what it looks like to no longer be a military kid, I continue to remind myself that while this change touches us all, one of us will feel it more than the rest — my husband, the actual retiring service member. His day-to-day will change drastically. No more flight suit onesies (and boot socks) every day. Some of the changes will be exciting, but it’s mostly foreign, which can lead to increased stress and losing sleep over the what-ifs. And, as salty as some service members can be by retirement, deep down, they still love the mission, the camaraderie and the sense of purpose behind their service. It’s hard to match that in the civilian world. Anyone who has worked an office job knows that it’s rare to find an officemate that becomes family; that’s definitely a characteristic of the military community.
All of this is to say that there may be a few bumps on the exit ramp to retirement. There may be anxiety, stress, a fair share of unknowns and much less green laundry (yay), but as military life has taught us well, change can be exciting. Face this change as a family; support each other and smile for that new driver’s license photo.
Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of retirement resources tailored to your needs.
