In the month of Veterans Day and Thanksgiving, it seems fitting to reflect on all I’m thankful for as the spouse of a retired veteran. My husband retired from the Marines a year ago, and it’s been a wild ride of adjusting to a new lifestyle in our “forever home.” There were many times throughout his two-decade career when I was frustrated or resentful of all the challenges the military brought to our lives. However, one year into retirement, I now have a fresh perspective and can appreciate some of the unique qualities of this military lifestyle.
I am thankful…
- For (most of) the PCS moves. Moving is really challenging, and there were many times I dragged my feet and resented the chaos it brought to our family. I don’t like change — who does, really? However, looking back, I can now appreciate the unusual opportunity to live on all of America’s coasts, as well as overseas. Thanks to my husband’s military career, I was able to leave a small town in Pennsylvania to live near beaches in North Carolina, explore small towns in Spain, soak up Southern California and experience Mississippi’s Gulf Coast. Although I didn’t fall in love with every place we lived, now that I’m back in a small Pennsylvania town, I appreciate the incredible travel opportunities and broad worldview it gave my children.
- For quality friends. Ask any military spouse what they like most about the military lifestyle, and if they don’t say travel (see above), they will most likely say something about incredible friendships. While I had mixed experiences at different duty stations — and my fair share of spouse club drama — I admit there’s a closeness in the military community you might not find in civilian life. Wherever we moved, people reached out and welcomed us. When my husband deployed, I leaned on other spouses and formed tight bonds with some wives in his unit. Those powerful friendships carried me through incredible challenges in military life.
- For our marriage. As difficult as military life has been, I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else. I waited throughout years of dating to marry my husband. Then waited through years of deployments and moves to be able to spend meaningful time with each other. He’s still worth it, our love is worth it. And I am so thankful we found each other and have shared this adventure together.
- For the family we made. My husband and I had five children during our military life. They each had different experiences. The older ones obviously remember more schools and more moves than the younger kids. Raising military kids isn’t easy. There were long stretches of solo parenting far from any relatives or support system. I’m grateful military life gave me the opportunity to stay home with them for almost a decade. Now that I work full time and the kids are older, I treasure those “difficult years” where I poured so much love and energy into my family. I was able to stay home with my little ones and shape them into wonderful people with my husband’s military paycheck and job security.
- That he always made it home. My husband did five combat deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. He earned a Purple Heart for being “blown up” by an IED before we were even married. There were so many days I feared for his safety and so many years where the future was uncertain. Now that we’ve finally made it to retirement, there’s a sense of peace and gratitude. There’s also the knowledge that not every couple was so lucky. He attended too many funerals and memorials of service members who died too young. It’s a heavy weight he carries, but I’m grateful he’s here to carry it.
- That I learned to be independent. Before I became a military spouse, I was timid and insecure and doubted myself a lot. The military forced me into some challenging and stressful situations where I had to figure things out and pivot my plans. Because of these unique life experiences, I’ve grown confident and self-assured. I use my voice to speak to the military community and encourage spouses going through their own difficulties. I’ve learned my own worth and I’m not afraid to push back against injustice. I’m grateful the military lifestyle shaped me into the strong person I am today.
Whenever you’re feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by the numerous challenges of military life, try to pause and reflect on the silver linings. There are many unique things about the military that families can be grateful for. Let’s celebrate our thankfulness throughout the month!
