If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the military, it’s that the military loves protocol. If there’s an SOP (standard operating procedure) or custom, it’s either inked on a pamphlet somewhere or is explained by the most seasoned person in the room.
Birthday ball ceremony, change of command, reenlistment, promotion, retirement — there’s a protocol for that. This (false) confidence is what had this anxious, type A blogger cool as a cucumber on the last lap to retirement. Who needs a plan when the Marine Corps has one for us?
I eventually learned that retirement “expectations” — shall we call them that? — are loose as a goose. While this can equate to a heavier (or lighter, depending on what you prefer) workload for the retiree and their family, the chance to personalize the experience gave the day extra meaning.
Traditions We Kept
- Dress Code: Would my husband have preferred to show up in flip-flops and an untucked Hawaiian print shirt? Obviously, but he settled on a flight suit and encouraged attendees to wear the same (cammies, if they must) or the civilian equivalent. Did we care? No, but as someone who will waste hours trying to figure out what to wear to a given event, guidance is always appreciated.
- Retirement Oath: Pretty self-explanatory, we kept this one by the book and let my husband’s retiring officer say a few words. My advice: Choose the retiring officer wisely (we sure did). There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. Opt for meaning over traditions or expectations.
- Reception: It was casual and inclusive. There were drinks and a nonsensical assortment of appetizers because my husband catered with his heart.
Traditions We Kicked
- The Expensive Cake: While I love supporting fellow military spouses, the cake occurred to me too late in the game. We decided against an elaborate fondant masterpiece and, instead, ordered five-dozen cupcakes. To anyone who ate one, I’d like to state that I had every intention of putting some sort of Marine decoration on it, but there weren’t enough hours in the day. Thank you for using your imagination!
- The Flowers: I love a good flower arrangement, but I can promise they would’ve wilted by the time they made it to a water-filled vase.
- The Donation in Lieu of Flowers: We all support something; we just didn’t see the need to remind everyone that we’re philanthropic.
Traditions We Made Our Own
- Invitations: We saved time, paper and postage by sending beautiful invitations via email. There are all kinds of programs that let you follow templates or work from scratch, and it will track opens and RSVPs for you — one less thing on your to-do list!
- Speeches: In addition to the retiring officer’s speech that had everyone reaching for tissues, my husband shared words of thanks, but between these two (retired) Marines, my husband asked me to speak. When I realized he wasn’t kidding, I jotted down a cool nine pages of things I’ve wanted to say for 17 years (then swapped some of the salt for sugar in the final draft). I couldn’t be prouder of him for thinking outside the box here and putting the spotlight back on family on his day. The military family is something we’ve both prioritized during his years of service, and it felt right to foot-stomp it on the way out.
- Personalized Recognition: I must hand it to my husband and his fellow Marines on this one. I expected the usual “thank you for your service as a military spouse” and “military kids serve too,” but our son, daughter, and I all received individualized words of appreciation during the ceremony. I know I was touched, and judging by the crocodile tears from our daughter and lack of sarcasm from our son after the ceremony, they were moved too.
- Retiree and Family Gifts: There’s no shortage of Facebook threads with advice on traditional and nontraditional gifts. Plenty of spouses will tell you they opted out of gifts because their years of support were gifts enough (valid). This one’s a choose-your-own-adventure. I would encourage you to do whatever feels meaningful to you because — guess what — no one else sees it anyway, so brush off any expectation of a “traditional gift.” Our family opted for a brick at the Museum of the Marine Corps and a trip to the Bahamas over anything else with the eagle, globe and anchor on it since our house recently inherited 20 years’ worth of plaques and awards. As for the rest of us, the kids each received a symbolic watch from a veteran-owned company, and I got a ring so perfect, it’s almost like I had the benefit of picking it out myself!
- Program: Like any good ceremony, there was a program, but my husband’s fellow Marines (again) went above and beyond to add photos from his career (some of which I provided) as opposed to a more traditional look. It was perfect.
Final Thoughts
I’ll be honest, the retirement ceremony felt like a box to check on the way out. Instead, it was a ceremony that felt like “us.” It wasn’t stuffy or overly scripted. There were tears, laughs and hugs. And just as they did throughout my husband’s career, the people in the room and those there in spirit made it possible, made it bearable, and made it something we will always cherish. So, when it comes to retirement planning, here’s my advice: Make it feel like you — your spouse, your kids, your family — and you can’t go wrong.
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