Making Peace With a PCS You Didn’t Choose

About one year ago, shortly after living close to family on the East Coast, we experienced the classic Army cliche. My husband began the Q course here at Fort Liberty, and just three weeks in, we were already being asked where we would like to go next. It didn’t feel right, unpacking the last of the boxes into our new home while dreaming up where we might go next. The Army gave us seven options. We asked to go to Florida, the Southeast, the “Sunshine State,” but received orders to the very opposite part of the country: Washington State, the Northwest, the “Rainy City.” Joint Base Lewis-McChord would be our next home.

When my husband broke the news to me, I cried for days. Call it dramatic, but I truly felt like my world was ending. What was life? What would motherhood look like in a place so different from everything we knew? The culture, the climate, the pace of life, the distance from family. How were we to spend our days? How would we find happiness in a place that seemed to lack the things that brought our family joy? The sunshine, warm beaches, sticky popsicles in the backyard, and babies in nothing but diapers all day. For the past year, these wonders have consumed me.

Here we are one year later, just one week from our move. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m excited to go. There are a lot of other emotions mixed in there, but I’ve tried to use the last 12 months to hype myself up about this next chapter. While this is certainly not an adventure my husband and I would have chosen for our family, it is one I hope we look back on fondly someday.

Here are some ways that I’ve made peace with a PCS we didn’t choose:

1. Remember the big picture. Keep reminding yourself of these things: This is not forever. You can do anything for a few years. Just because you’re being sent to the very place you did not want to go doesn’t mean your life is coming to an end (even though it may feel like it). Try your best to be happy for others you know who get to go where they asked. I know from experience how emotionally draining it can be sitting in bitterness when you feel like nothing can go your way, but it’s best to try and hold your chin up, and hope for better luck next time.
2. Plan how you’ll grow where you are planted. Bring with you a determination to love the place you are going. Research all the fun things to do, and places to explore. Plan what gear is needed to take advantage of the recreational opportunities and climate on this next adventure. We always like to do a full PPM/DITY move and make some money that will help give us a financial cushion to splurge on necessary equipment to enjoy what our new duty station offers.
3. Bring “little comforts” with you. If you’re dreading the place you’re going to next, brainstorm ways to make it more comfortable. Try and live in a place that is near stores and restaurants you are used to. Set up your house in similar ways to how you had it before. Remember to resume family traditions and daily routines to make your new house feel like home. Cook your family’s favorite meals and put on familiar shows and movies in the evenings. Read your children’s beloved bedtime stories. While everything and everyone can feel foreign following a big move, your family and belongings can bring much-needed familiarity and comfort to your home.
4. Plan how you’ll stay connected to friends and loved ones. When we found out we’d be moving thousands of miles from our family, we opened some credit cards to earn mileage bonuses and rewards ahead of time. We haven’t even arrived in Washington yet, and we have collected over 250,000 airline miles over the last year. I also plan to set up a stationery kit in our new home. This will ensure the children have access to the supplies needed to send mail to our loved ones.
5. Embrace a new identity. If you’re like me, it can feel like somewhat of an identity crisis when you are scooped up from one place and sent somewhere new. For instance, when we lived in Texas for four years, we made ourselves at home there. By the end of our assignment, I truly felt like a Texan. I even had two Texan babies! Although I never would have chosen to move to the Pacific Northwest, I’m determined to acclimate. I might not adopt all the cultural norms out that way, but I want to live my “best mountain life” and become an avid hiker, biker and camper, and ditch the umbrella like the locals like to do. I want to become a coffee connoisseur, kite flyer, rain lover and sunshine enthusiast. I plan to embrace the crisp, chilly falls we’ve always wanted but have never had in the South. To love a place, you must try to embrace everything you can about it.

We haven’t arrived in Washington yet, so it is impossible to say if we will fall in love with this assignment as we hope to. I can tell you with certainty that I have been able to make peace with the PCS we didn’t choose, and I hope some of these tips can encourage others who might find themselves in a similar situation.