If parenting teenagers has taught me anything so far, it’s that language is constantly evolving. As cool as I am (somewhere my teenagers’ eyes are rolling), I’m lowkey still not sure if I’m doing 6-7 correctly. Apparently being cooked is bad, but cooking is good; if something “slaps,” that’s apparently really good. Shipping isn’t just about sending care packages. No cap. I’m being so for real.
Not to throw shade, but this language evolution seems to hop right over the military world though, —maybe it doesn’t have base access. Whatever the reason, we see barracks and base gyms get renovated and rebuilt, but we’re still using dusty language. So, before these Gen Alphas raise their right hands to serve, let’s “yeet” the following cringe words and phrases right out the window (or at least reconsider whether we’re using them productively and accurately):
- At least… It might not be military-specific, but this well-intentioned phrase can quickly minimize what a military family is going through. “At least the deployment isn’t longer.” “At least you’re PCSing somewhere nice.” “At least they’ll be home by spring.” Before you know it, we’re competing in the Misery Olympics, comparing hardships when nobody wins. Instead of searching for the silver lining, sometimes the best thing we can do is simply listen, acknowledge that it is hard and offer comfort or counsel when it feels appropriate.
- Bloom where you’re planted. Botany simply does not endorse this. We bloom where we are supported, where our needs are met and where we have room to grow. We might not vibe with every single place the military sends us, and that’s OK. If a member of a military family isn’t blooming where they’ve been temporarily planted, chances are that connection and resources could help, unlike this tired phrase.
- Do more with less. It’s giving unrealistic expectations and burnout. We will (somehow) always handle what is in front of us thanks to our own innovation, creativity, skills and community. I’d hardly call that less.
- Forever home. I used to think this was the carrot dangling in front of us during my husband’s years of service. It would atone for the subpar rentals and white walls. I don’t love the label now. Let’s keep it casual. We live in a home for now and will eventually live in another one. After that, who knows. There’s a lot of life to live between now and then.
- Hive mind. It’s on the bingo card for every social media spouse group I’ve ever joined. The more I see it, the more my lip curls. Military spouses don’t all think the same. We have different ideas and experiences. Let’s normalize crowdsourcing without assuming our many incredible minds subscribe to groupthink.
- Mandatory fun. I’m merely recommending a rebrand here. If attendance is mandatory, then so is fun.
- Military brats. It’s a term of endearment from another generation, but I think we can put this relic on the shelf. [pulls out soapbox and steps on top]. Bouncing back after challenges, I’ve found, requires a minimum of time, rest, reflection and supportive relationships. Yes, I am resilient, and so are my kids. I’ll take a leap and say that your family probably is too. The disconnect lies here: We can overcome adversity. We should not be expected to carry on like everything is fine if asked to absorb blow after blow. We’re humans, not robots.
- We’re all in the same boat. Ship captains, weigh in, but I’m pretty sure we’re all in our own boats. Some of us are in the safety of the harbor on a megayacht, and some of us are white-knuckling on a tube dragging behind a speedboat on choppy water. And without warning, we might trade places! Our families, circumstances and experiences will be different. But what we can do is be empathetic and throw a life preserver when we have a free hand.
- You signed up for this. Let’s all just collectively laugh at this before we wrap. No matter what we think we might be “signing up for,” we’re going to be surprised. Let’s just hope the surprises are more finding five bucks in the pocket of your jeans and less hand, foot and mouth disease while you’re solo parenting during a deployment.
It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a start. I’m OK with the acronyms, even the ones that make no sense to me. Outdated words and phrases that downplay and overlook the sacrifices of military families give me the ick. The vibes are off, but we can get them on track. Bet.
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