A smiling toddler sits in a room with moving boxes.

Thriving and Settling After a PCS

Written By Lizann Lightfoot

June marks the heart of peak PCS season. Moving trucks roll through neighborhoods, kids are out of school, and families scramble to unpack while trying to make the new place feel like home before the full heat of summer hits. The boxes, the chaos and that overwhelming “Where do I even start?” feeling are relatable. After seven moves during my husband’s two-decade Marine career, I know how exhausting it can be to relocate your life and try to feel any type of “settled” in the days after a move. I’ve also learned that small, intentional steps can turn the overwhelm into a fresh chapter. You don’t have to do everything at once. Focus on what you can control right now, and you’ll arrive at your new base ready for whatever comes next.

Stacked moving boxes labeled “Trains,” “Sophia box,” and “Boy’s Room” fill a space, showing organized packing during a move.

Clothes on hangers are neatly packed inside an open moving box.

Start with quick family routines to bring back a sense of normal. The first few days in a new home can feel upside down, so pick three simple anchors for your day. Maybe it’s the same breakfast routine, a short evening walk around the block, or 10 minutes of reading together before bed. These tiny habits help everyone (especially the kids) feel steady again. During one move, I made sure we ate dinner at the table every night, even if it was on paper plates. It wasn’t fancy, but it gave us a moment to talk about our day, connect as a family, and feel like we were home. Micro-routines like this travel with you whether you’re camping out with no furniture, sleeping in a hotel or moving into the new place.

Next, find a few local spots you can call your own. Once the basics are unpacked, get out and explore. Drive to the closest base playground, find the nearest ice cream spot, or visit the library to explore summer reading programs and community activities. Pick one or two “our places” early, like a favorite park or coffee shop, and visit them often. This helps shift your mindset from “new and strange” to “this is ours.” With kids out of school, these low-key adventures keep everyone busy without adding extra cost or stress. In my experience, having even one familiar spot makes the whole base feel less foreign within the first couple of weeks.

Connecting with other local military spouses is one of the fastest ways to feel less alone. Start with your service member’s unit to see if there are any official communication sites, apps or groups for unit spouses. Stop by the base Family Center (they have different titles depending on the military branch) or search for spouse social media groups for your new installation. Yes, many of these groups are full of drama. But they can also be a great resource for answering your questions, like “Which school system can the military kids enroll in here?” or “Where is a good local dentist who accepts the military insurance?” Always search the groups for previous answers before posting your own because these common questions have probably been answered numerous times already. Many bases offer newcomer orientations or coffee meetups. Go to one, even if you only stay for 30 minutes. Ask for a sponsor if you haven’t been assigned one yet. They can answer questions and introduce you around.

Military OneSource offers excellent relocation tools to make settling easier. Use the free Plan My Move tool on their website to create a customized checklist and calendar. Call 800-342-9647 or chat online for Spouse Relocation and Transition Consultations. They can help with everything from housing questions to child care options. These resources take some of the guesswork out of the process so you can focus on your family.

Hand holding a white mug with the text “you got this” in front of stacked moving boxes.

After a PCS move, give yourself grace. Some days you’ll unpack many boxes and feel like a rock star. Other days you might only manage to find one thing – and that’s OK. After seven moves, I realized the house doesn’t need to be perfect before you start living in it. Prioritize the kitchen and kids’ bedrooms first if that helps everyone sleep better. Then tackle one room at a time. Celebrate small wins, like finally hanging curtains or finding the grocery store without GPS. These moments build confidence and turn the new place into home.

June’s PCS chaos won’t last forever. By creating quick routines, claiming local spots, connecting with other spouses, and using the tools available through Military OneSource, you’re taking control of what you can. Each small step adds up. Before long, the new base will feel familiar, and you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come.

You’ve done hard things before. You can do this too. Take a deep breath, pick one thing to tackle today, and watch your family settle in, one intentional moment at a time.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of PCS resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Two young children play on a playground structure, one helping the other up the stairs near a slide

Service Among Spouses

Written By Lauren Hagee Glintz

The most challenging 12 months of my life began in the summer of 2024, the final year at our duty station in Yuma, Arizona. I was newly pregnant after a traumatic loss just a few months before, leaving me anxious and sick. My full-time, high-intensity job didn’t make things any easier. When I wasn’t at work, my 3-year-old, the chaotic joy that he is, demanded all my attention and what little energy I had.

Interior of a partially renovated room with exposed wall studs, concrete floor and visible wiring

One day, I noticed our wood floors were buckling. Within a week, a massive HVAC leak was discovered. The floors were ripped up, a wall was torn down, and our house was fumigated. Then began the conflict-riddled renovation. We moved into a hotel room just in time for the fall Marine Corps Weapons and Tactics Instructor course to begin. For two months, my instructor husband belonged completely to WTI, coming home only to sleep. I was on my own to deal with it all.

In stepped Katy.

Katy was married to another WTI instructor, and our sons were in the same base day care class. We were friendly; our families spent an RV Thanksgiving together, but we were still getting to know each other. I confided in her what was going on. What happened next felt organic, but in hindsight, it’s clear Katy came to my rescue.

She asked if she could pick up my son around 3 p.m., two hours earlier than I could leave work, so the boys could play at the neighborhood playground.

When I finally arrived, Katy suggested we hang out for a bit. Then she said I should stay for dinner since our husbands weren’t around anyway. Before I knew it, she was handing me a container of chicken soup to take back with me.

When I tried to thank her and apologize for not being able to reciprocate, since my house was in shambles, she waved me off. She explained that when she had two tiny kids, other military spouses helped her.

We started doing this multiple times a week. I’d show up at Katy’s house to find her and the kids at the playground or building a fort in her living room. I’d unload the dishwasher (her least favorite chore) while she made dinner, chatting away to the soundtrack of our kids’ laughter.

One day, she decided to make tacos for all the WTI moms who usually came to the playground. I helped her carry a crockpot of taco meat, bags of chips and all the fixings to the picnic table. She saved a whole group of us from facing dinner and cleanup on our own. When spring WTI rolled around with me big and pregnant and developing shingles (my daughter was born the day after WTI graduation — talk about timing), Katy again brought me into her home. Throughout a hard year, she provided a daily bright spot.

At the time I befriended Katy, I’d only been in the military spouse community for four years. Between the pandemic and our assignment in Yuma to a nontraditional, nonoperational squadron, I’d only met a handful of military spouses, so I was still very much learning what it even meant to be a military spouse. I certainly knew about military service, but Katy showed me military spouse service. Manning the homefront isn’t just getting your family through hard times, it’s helping others as well.

Now at our new duty station, I’ve found that Katy, while remarkably selfless, is not actually a unicorn. Military spouses quietly serve each other every day. When my husband was unexpectedly gone for several weeks after Christmas, a new military spouse friend volunteered to sit with my baby so I could take an hour for myself. I see another friend, the commanding officer’s wife, provide the first meal train meal for every new baby under her husband’s command.

I still feel in the trenches of early motherhood and likely receive more service than I can give, but I’ve learned to watch where I can step in — to pick up a friend’s child from pre-K or host a chili night while our husbands travel. The service may look simple to outsiders, but for military spouses, we know the effect is immeasurable.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness and connection. Explore a range of resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Tips for Introverted Military Spouses | Blog Brigade

The Introvert Military Spouse’s Guide to Avoiding Burnout

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

I attended kindergarten with the same people I graduated with. I went to college in the same city. I rarely (if ever) had to get out of my social comfort zone to make friends, and I certainly have never been one to venture out of that comfort zone voluntarily.

No. Thank. You.

You can probably see where this is going. That first PCS was quite a social experiment. I was far from home, my husband quickly deployed, and I had a pretty clear (and mostly incorrect) understanding of what a military spouse was supposed to be socially. I needed to make myself outgoing.

I don’t recommend doing that, so don’t stop reading just yet. I made some incredible friends who I couldn’t have done that first tour without, but it didn’t take me long to realize I couldn’t keep up with their social pace. Eventually, I’d skip out on lunch meetups, group walks and girls’ nights when my social battery just couldn’t take it.

I was burning myself out trying to make myself something I’m just not. Eventually, those friends got the message (probably before I figured it out myself). They realized I needed a day between socializing and didn’t read into it when I turned down plans.

Kristi and her daughter smiling outside a building, her daughter holding a colorful bouquet of flowers

I’ve learned a lot about myself since that first tour, including some survival tips for any fellow introverts trying to make it in an extrovert lifestyle:

  • Don’t fly solo on day one. Join your spouse for a unit event. Bring your kids to a family-friendly event. Take your dog to the dog park. Convince a friend from a previous duty station to join you for a spouse function. Socializing (for me at least) is much less intimidating when I know someone in the room.
  • Make recharge days mandatory. The military has mandatory fun, and you (fellow introvert) and I have mandatory recharge days. After a particularly social Saturday, you’ll find me cozy at home on Sunday. You can try to invite me to Sunday brunch — and I appreciate the invitation — but it’s a no from me.
  • Adopt an extrovert. Or, rather, get adopted by an extrovert. While it’s never something I set out to do, I always ended up with extrovert friends at every duty station. Probably because no introvert is out striking up conversations with strangers.
  • Lean in and step up. There is never (ever) a shortage of opportunities to volunteer as a military spouse. Join a service organization, volunteer to serve on a committee or attend a service-centric social. Just as kids’ parties move along a little faster with an activity, situations focused on something other than socializing can alleviate a lot of pressure. This also works for clubs — the idea of facing an installation-wide spouse club makes my palms start sweating, but venturing into a smaller group, such as a book club or walking club, seems doable. Fewer people and an activity to drive conversation — it’s a win-win.
  • Use social media (with caution). Love it or hate it, social media is thriving, especially within the military network. Installations pass along information, and there are spouse groups, buy-sell-trade groups, and the list goes on. While this can be a way to meet new people, like anything else on the internet, please use caution, especially when sharing information such as your location, phone number, spouse’s unit, etc. Most military-connected groups that I’ve seen have security measures in place, but extra caution is always a good idea.

Kristi outdoors holding a wheelbarrow, standing near a pile of yard debris and greenery

With age, I’ve realized there is no “mold” for a military spouse. There are all kinds of personalities in the mix. Fellow introvert, save yourself the trouble of trying to be something you’re not. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin will increase your value at any duty station, in any friend group and, most importantly, with yourself. Separately, from my own quiet, comfy home, I am cheering for you!

Kristi and her husband posing together indoors

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness and connection. Explore a range of mental health resources tailored to your needs.

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