Boy and girl talking to Santa

Let It Go: Holiday Edition

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

For the first time ever, I’ll be enjoying Christmas Eve free from assembling toys, wrapping gifts, tiptoeing around my own house and staying up way past my bedtime. This is the first year everyone in our house knows Santa’s real identity.

This had me revisiting all the “traditions” we’ve tried to make stick over the years. There are a lot of them. That’s the burden of someone parenting in the age of bloggers and influencers. We feel the pressure to dump more and more magic into our holiday season. I’ve asked myself several times over the years, “Are we even having fun anymore?” And, of course, “Why am I more tired after winter break than I was before winter break?”

Of all the things we’ve abandoned over the years, I’ve found what’s important to our family stuck — decorating together the day after Thanksgiving, watching everyone’s favorite movie, annual (very tacky) Christmas pajamas, homemade cinnamon rolls, light riding, and baking a batch of everyone’s favorite cookies. The rest of the noise the internet led me to believe “made the holidays” has been shown the curb.

I’d like to give you permission to simplify your winter holidays. If something drains you, don’t do it. If it just absolutely will not work where you’re stationed this year, pause it. If you find yourself dragging the kids kicking and screaming to something, maybe it’s time to call it.

Family in front of the Christmas tree in pajamas

Here’s what we’ve abandoned over the years while keeping the holidays the most wonderful time of the year for everyone at our house:

The Elf on the Shelf

I made it one year. This little maniac is nothing but trouble. Create over-the-top messes after the kids go to bed for 24 nights in a row — absolutely not. As I unpacked our holiday décor, I threw him straight into the garbage before the kids could see him. They never asked about him again. To be transparent, they did drop little hints of jealousy here and there over the years about friends who had elves. I simply told our kids that we didn’t need an elf at our house.

Daily Acts of Kindness

I really, really wanted to love this one. I would not let it go despite moving overseas and still trying to make it work. Logic finally won out. For starters, it was expensive, but most importantly, I found it was doing the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to (show our kids the importance of doing nice things for others). Our kids were just as exhausted as I was rushing here and there to hide dollar bills, prep care packages for the homeless, bake cookies for an entire teaching staff, etc. We now focus more on letting these moments happen organically, all year long. When there’s an opportunity to be a little nicer or more generous than you have to be, do it. There’s no need to cram all the good deeds for the year into an already hectic month.

Little girl in a cemetery

Santa “Evidence”

Technology and I have a love-hate relationship. Most of that hate falls on my printer for rarely doing the one thing it’s supposed to do. One year, I downloaded an app — you may know it — where you could take a picture of your living room and they would essentially edit Santa into the picture, making it look like you (super parent) snapped a photo of him leaving gifts. This blew the minds of our two kids, but by the next year, my boy genius of a son was onto the whole Santa thing. That photo was at the center of his suspicions. He’d heard friends say their parents got the same photo; dots were connected, and he wanted some answers. Let’s just agree here today, some efforts to make the magic feel more real can deflate it all together. My advice? Leave room for imagination.

Mom and her kids in front of Christmas lights

Mailing Letters to Santa

You’ve heard about my wickedly smart son; now let me introduce you to my fiercely independent daughter. I’ll never forget the year she mailed a letter to Santa with her Christmas list via our base post office without showing me what was on it. To this day, I have no idea what was on that list. She was so young she’s forgotten at this point. I had to deliver what she wanted without knowing what she asked for — not ideal. After the stress of shopping for her that year, I gave up on letters to Santa. Our kids rarely had them done in time to help me shop anyway. I’d have their gifts purchased by Thanksgiving, and they’d mail a letter with a completely different wish list the week of Christmas. It became yet another vulnerable spot in the Santa fabric, so we stopped.

Kid crying with Santa and mom

Elaborate Holiday Meals

If you’ve read my rants about Thanksgiving, this is nothing new. It’s a monster grocery bill, two days of prep, a day on your feet in the kitchen, only to eat lukewarm food and spend two days cleaning up and a week eating leftovers. Instead, everyone picks something they want to eat — it’s usually a snack or an appetizer — and we have a spread set out all day. We still do our traditional morning cinnamon rolls and then kick over to savory bites in the afternoon. It’s zero effort, which means I get to enjoy the holiday too, and I know I’m not going to labor over something my kids are just going to call gross as they fill up on rolls.

Woman making cinnamon buns in kitchen

Creating Happy Holidays

I could probably go on, include things that fell away that hurt me deeply (like photos with Santa), but you get the idea. These are your holidays too. Make sure you have time to enjoy them and make memories with your family instead of staging something for social media or trying to keep pace with influencers. Wherever you are, whatever you celebrate, I hope you and your family have a relaxing, memorable and joyous season.

Little boy exploring the outdoors

Finding the Silver Lining Wherever You Are

Written By Sydney Smith

I miss summer thunderstorms in the South. The way the whole house would shake as I held our babies in my arms. Staring into their wide eyes, waiting for the next flash of lighting and startling booms of thunder. I miss the excitement the storms brought on the long hot days, breaking up the sun’s crippling heat and putting on a show for us with a much-needed breeze.

I also love the calm, reliably perfect summers here in Washington. I love the crisp mornings and the cloudless days of robin’s-egg blue skies. I love how we can keep the windows open most days and eat dinners on the back patio without sticky air or bothersome bugs. I love how long the summer days are here. It’s as if they know how precious they are, allowing us to squeeze the most we can out of our time under the sun before leaving too soon.

I miss the brief and mild winters of the South, the way summer was its default setting. I miss how the warmth would creep back in by the end of March or beginning of April and not depart until close to Christmas. I miss October beach trips and February picnics under the sun. I miss babies crawling around in diapers and nothing else for half of the year, and I miss the days I didn’t spend every morning searching for the other sock, glove or rain boot.

I love fall in Washington. I love waking up in the mornings to blankets of fog, soon making way for blue skies. I love the vibrantly colored leaves covering the sidewalks for my children to collect. I love that I can wear my cozy sweaters without needing to shed them by noon. I love the anticipation of and preparations for home projects, books to tackle, movies to watch, and board games to play with the kids while we drink hot chocolate. I love dreaming of the cozy days waiting for us just around the corner.

I miss living near our family members who are all on the opposite coast. I miss being in the same time zone and being able to call my mom or sister after I get the kids to bed. I love the adventures we give our family members when they come to visit. I love how special the time we have with them has become and how we make the very best of every moment.

I miss warm beaches and swimming pools and endless afternoons of water games and too many popsicles. I love making fires and flying kites and exploring tide pools on cold beaches along the Pacific coast and how the sun sets over the ocean.

I miss rural landscapes and country backroads. I miss the Blue Ridge Mountains in the distance on long drives. I love that I can see Mount Rainier from wherever I am; its towering snowy peak trying to pull me away from reality with hypnotizing majesty. I love how we can take any exit off the highway and end up at a state park. I love how the hiking trails feel right out of a fairytale here, and the world feels extra colorful in these mountains.

Possibly my favorite thing about Washington — The Evergreen State — is the evergreen trees. I love how each one seems to have its own personality, pointing crookedly in its own windblown direction. They’re beautiful against both blue skies and gray, when still and when blowing. I love how they never change, how their eternal green is something we can count on during our colorless winters.

It can be easy to move to a new duty station — possibly one you don’t like — and look at everything through jade-colored glasses you never thought you’d own. It’s too easy to get caught up in the “I wish this place had/was more/was not…” (fill in the blank) mindset, comparing your situation to others.

Many know how the saying goes: We cannot control what happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. If you’re reading this, I encourage you to make the decision to find the good wherever you are. I promise it’s there. You just have to look around.

Teens celebrating during a sunset

High School Graduation Party Planning Tips

Written By Dawn Smith

Hey, senior parents, May and June will be here before you know it. Are you ready to plan a graduation party?

With all the busyness of senior year, it’s best to get a head start in January or February. There are plenty of things to do before the big day, whether you hold a small soirée at home or a blowout event at a fancy location. Here’s how to get started:

1. Talk with your student about what kind of party they want. It’s easy for parents to get caught up in the celebration and want to go all out for their senior. Ultimately, it’s their accomplishment, so they should have some say in the festivities. Talk about what would make them happy. They may prefer a small dinner at a restaurant instead of a big party in the backyard. Let them lead the conversation, and don’t be surprised if they would rather take a senior trip than plan an over-the-top grad party!

2. Discuss the guest list early. Military-connected kids are lucky to have a village that likely spans the U.S. and possibly overseas locations. The distance can make attending a graduation challenging. If some of your child’s favorite people live far away, give them an early heads-up about the graduation or party date as soon as possible so they can do their best to make the trip. Decide how you’ll send your loved one’s save-the-date announcements. Sharing the dates and times can be as simple as a group text sent in the new year or sending invites that double as your child’s cap and gown picture for everyone to admire.

3. Book your venue ASAP. Now that you have an idea of what type of party you’re throwing and how many guests to invite, contact any venue you’re considering for availability and pricing.

Many of the best locations go fast if multiple high schools in your area compete for a prime weekend. Even if you throw a party at home, you may have difficulty securing catering or rentals like tents and chairs.

4. Save a little money each month for the party. Senior year is notoriously expensive. There are pictures to buy, senior fees to pay, and proms to attend, to name just a few items on a long list of expenses. It might be easier to tuck away a little extra money each month to tackle graduation party costs.

5. Strategically buy party supplies over the five or six months before the party. Party stores often have clearance sales for past holidays and seasons. Don’t forget to check for discounted New Year’s Eve decorations. They’ll have the graduation year already embellished with glitter and confetti. You can also keep an eye out for your senior’s school colors (high school and college): balloons, table decorations and wall hangings. If your senior wants to display unique items from their hobbies or military life, remember to plan for their display.

6. Begin planning for entertainment. Many parents use a graduation party to focus not just on the momentous day but their student’s 18 years. If you want a picture slideshow, custom video or music arrangements, begin gathering the components, including the tech you need to showcase it at the party. If you want to include videos from family and friends, make sure you give them notice and a due date that you can work with.

It’s hard to believe this chapter in your MilKid’s life is closing. They’ve no doubt sacrificed and endured much more than the average child. Although most parents feel a tug of sadness during this emotional time, planning a party could be one of the distractions that helps you process the transition. Try to enjoy each moment!

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