Lauren and her friend with their families posing in front of a military aircraft.

Do You Want to be My Friend?

Written By Lauren Hagee Glintz

Long before I was a military spouse, a lawyer mentor I deeply respected gave me a piece of advice before I left for law school. It wasn’t “move into the library” or “study your brains out.” He said, “Go to everything. Make friends. This will be your community, and you need them.” It felt surprising given the notoriously competitive nature of law school, but I took it to heart. I put on a brave face and went to most everything. My mentor was right: I did need friends to survive those three years, and, following his advice, I made the best of friends. I call them my LawFam, and twelve years later, with all of us scattered around the country, we still meet up one weekend a year to just be together.

Lauren's group of friends smiling together outdoors.

Now, as a military spouse, I find myself regularly in a position of needing new friends. Either we moved to a new duty station, or my friends have PCSed away. Of course, I can call and text old friends, but it’s really isolating not to have a village where you physically live. I particularly feel it in this season of my life managing the family and home fulltime. I don’t even have coworkers to gossip with!

It’s been fifteen years since my mentor gave me that advice, but I still use it because, unfortunately for my comfort zone, I haven’t found anything better for making friends. Of course, “go to everything” is not actually realistic for my current phase of life, so I amend the advice to “go to some things.” If you don’t show up, a village can’t show up for you.

To be fair, it’s not easy advice. It’s extremely uncomfortable to go to things when you’re new and alone. But it can be worth it.

Lauren, her friend and their military spouses, pose together at an event.

Five years ago, we had our first official PCS as a family. My husband-of-one-year and our new baby moved across the country. Almost immediately, my husband told me his squadron was having a family day at a local water park. Do you know what I did not want to do two months postpartum? Put on a bathing suit and go meet my husband’s coworkers and their spouses.

My husband gently encouraged me to attend with him, saying another family had just moved in who also had a baby boy. I did ultimately go, but I was not excited about it and deeply self-conscious. When we arrived, my husband introduced me to the family he had mentioned. Was it kismet or best-friendship-at-first-sight or two women who both desperately needed a friend? I guess it doesn’t matter, but that’s how Mandy and I found each other: feeling awkward, squished into bathing suits, holding tiny babies at a waterpark we didn’t really want to be at.

Mandy and I both credit each other for our mutual survival over the next three years at that duty station. While we had a lot of fun together, it was also an intense time. We were navigating new motherhood, frequently without our spouses, and both experienced loss and grief. We needed each other to weather it.

Lauren and her friend pushing strollers.

Now, five years later, we’re at our second duty station together. Our little boys are best friends and act more like brothers. We basically coparent them. I am so grateful for Mandy. Maybe the two of us would have connected eventually, but I needed her immediately—and that wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed home.

Lauren and her friend with their two young children taking a selfie.

I continue to go to squadron spouse events. It is a challenge, both practically (do I have childcare?) and emotionally (what if no one is interested in talking to me and I stand there silently alone?), but I remind myself it matters, that I need friends here. I don’t always find a Mandy, but there’s still value in meeting people. Sometimes it’s just an acquaintance to reach out to with questions about our spouse’s squadron or to chat with at holiday parties or the Marine Corps ball. But sometimes, it happens—the kismet of best-friendship-at-first-sight.

It is a strange thing, being an adult and still wondering, do you want to be my friend? But I remind myself it’s the question a lot of us are silently asking each other.

Lauren and her friend at an indoor event.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness and connection. Explore a range of resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Sydney’s child holding a large starfish while standing in shallow water.

Summer Days Stationed at JBLM

Written By Sydney Smith

It’s funny how perspective can change so drastically from one duty station to the next.

At both Fort Hood and Fort Bragg, we dreaded the long summers — endless humidity, relentless heat waves and bugs of every imaginable kind. But now, far from the South and stationed in the Pacific Northwest at Joint Base Lewis-McChord, we don’t just enjoy the summer months; we live for them.

As I sit down to write this piece, the windows are wide open, the air cool and bug-free. A faint trace of sunblock still lingers from our afternoon at the lake, where we snacked on cold grapes and chips and I watched my three children swim the day away. As we begin our third summer here at JBLM, I’ve realized something: this is the season when I come back to life.

It’s not that I disappear during the other half of the year, but some part of me goes dormant through the long, dark, gloomy months that seem to stretch endlessly on. It’s as if I lost a bit of color, just as the world seems to fade around me. Of course, we make it through — helped along by the cheer and warmth of the holidays and the community that endures the gray skies beside us — but it isn’t always easy.

And yet, what they say about Pacific Northwest summers is absolutely true: they cannot be beat. They are glorious.

I still remember how quickly I fell in love after moving here — the towering, crooked evergreens; flowers bursting with color in every direction, and water seemingly everywhere you turn. Lakes perfect for swimming, beaches made for tide pooling, and endless opportunities to spot wildlife somehow make the region feel both adventurous and peaceful all at once.

After three summers here, I’ve learned something else: if you’re stationed at JBLM, summer is not the time to stay inside. Whether you’re brand new to the area or counting down the days until PCS season, there are certain experiences that simply make summer in the Pacific Northwest unforgettable.

Here are my must-do summer activities at or near JBLM:

  1. Lake days at American Lake. This is by far our favorite thing to do in the summer. Our house is on post, located in North Lewis, and we are just five minutes from the lake. We love to swim at Summer Cove, a family-friendly swimming access point with a sandy beach looking out onto the lake with views of Mount Rainier and an almost guaranteed spotting of at least one bald eagle every time we visit. We bring floaties, towels, snacks and sand toys, and my kids can easily stay here for the entire day. There are also a splash pad and playground in the same vicinity, which can be a fun alternative on the not-so-hot days.
  2. Tide pooling at local beaches. There are several local beaches — many are state parks — off the Puget Sound, which are just a short 20-40 minutes from base. We like to explore during low tide, when my kids can hunt for sand dollars, crabs and clams. The warm, shallow tide pools are perfect for young children on those hot summer days and offer endless exploration. A favorite of ours is Tolmie State Park, located in Lacey, WA.
  3. Wildflower hikes. Late spring and early summer are prime time for wildflower hikes. Many of these hikes are located on Mount Rainier or throughout the Olympic Peninsula, but if you are willing to go even farther — there are more in the Cascades and all over the state of Oregon. There is something special about hiking in wildflowers. It’s as though you’re walking through a fairy tale. I hope our kids remember these hikes in the same magical way that we will.
  4. Pick berries and flowers. Strawberries in June. Blueberries in July. Blackberries in August. We pick berries all summer long. There are also many flower fields where you can pick fresh tulips, sunflowers, lavender and others. There are many places right around JBLM (in fact, blackberries can be found all over post!), but we also love to drive down to Hood River, Oregon, and make stops along the Fruit Loop, a scenic 35-mile drive that includes a collection of on-the-farm fruit stands, wineries, breweries, cideries and fields of flowers.
  5. Camping. The camping simply cannot be beat here. From the misty beaches of the Olympic Peninsula to mountain views near Mount Rainier and quiet lakes tucked into the forest, summer in Washington feels made for sleeping under the stars. Most would agree, as it is the unfortunate reality that campsites must be booked six months ahead if you want any hope of securing a spot — especially at popular state parks. Some of our fondest memories leaving here will certainly include those weekends of tent sleeping, sticky s’more fingers and exploring nature together as a family.
  6. Whale watching or observing wildlife. There is something magical about the wildlife in the Pacific Northwest, and whale watching feels like one of those “you have to do it at least once” experiences while living here. We got lucky and saw a pod of orcas once while beachcombing at a nearby beach park. You can also book tours from ferries or coastal overlooks — spotting orcas, gray whales, seals and bald eagles. It’s the kind of experience that reminds you JBLM isn’t just another duty station — it’s access to something truly special.

The truth is, JBLM summers have a way of sneaking up on you. After months of gray skies and spitting rain, suddenly the mountains are out, the lakes are blue and everyone seems to come alive again. Whether your summer here is filled with simple days picnicking and swimming at the lake, picking berries, or more adventurous outings like camping trips, ferry rides or hikes deep in the mountains, don’t let it pass you by. PCS orders eventually come and seasons change — but summer in the Pacific Northwest is one of those things you’ll be missing long after you leave.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of Morale, Welfare and Recreation resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Snow-covered backyard viewed through large windows during a winter storm.

The Military Retirement Heads Up I Didn’t Know I Needed

Written By Kristi Stolzenberg

I was a junior high school English teacher when I met my husband. Since then, I’ve been a blogger, newspaper columnist, tutor, writer, editor, volunteer, board member, intern, grad student, full-time mom, magazine editor, congressional liaison and a think tank program manager.

I’ve been unemployed, underemployed, government-employed, part-time and full-time employed and self-employed. Sometimes these choices were mine; other times, the Marine Corps or motherhood made them for me.

When I met my husband, he was training to be a U.S. Marine Corps pilot. He earned his wings, and for the rest of his 20-year career, he flew planes for the Marine Corps (or worked in USMC pilot production — so pilot-adjacent).

When he retired from the Corps in 2025, he did what many retiring military pilots do: He secured a job with an airline. He earned his wings and qualified to fly 737s. The change was uncomfortable for us all in some way, but that’s the thing about changes. New routines are supposed to be a little uncomfortable, and if there’s one thing a military family knows how to do, it’s embracing the … slightly less than ideal circumstances.

I watched my husband earn his wings via Zoom. Sure, I wanted to be there — even had a first-class ticket — but a freak snowstorm in coastal Carolina kept me home. Yawn — I saw that disappointment coming a mile away.

Electronic control board.

While he was away earning his 737 qualification, our garage door broke, locked in the down position … right when I needed to leave to pick our daughter up from school … obviously. Primed for moments such as this, I pulled that little red handle to disengage the motor and lift the door manually. When even that didn’t work, I forced that garage door open one click at a time until I couldn’t be sure if those clicks were coming from the door’s track or my knees and back. With the help of a step ladder, I finally pushed the door high enough so that my SUV could clear it. And you know what, I wasn’t even the last car in line for pickup.

Upstairs hallway with piles of laundry scattered across the floor.

A day later, our washing machine wanted in on the action, deciding it was no longer interested in running the spin cycle. Please, that’s not even a challenge. I just draped dripping laundry all over the laundry room and bathrooms. Things got a little gnarly at our house around the third day of dual appliance failure.

After trying and failing to lower our garage door, the repairman simply never returned and stopped taking my calls. The washing machine repairman solved the problem twice. Neither worked. So, now my washing machine was in pieces, the garage door was wide open to wildlife and prying eyes, and I started worrying the vein on my forehead would never recede to its normal size.

Not at all comfortable, but we were making it work.

Then, my husband would call when he finished with his training for the day. Pilot spouses, you know these conversations can go two ways: he’s having a great time, crushing coursework and thriving (ideal, but annoying while I’m feeling like the dog in the “this is fine” meme), or he hates it (not good, now no one is having fun).

His situation was the latter. He was making the grades but not loving the lifestyle. Not loving being away from home for weeks with a future of being gone constantly after he just finished his career at that pace.

I did the only obvious thing there was to do: I gave him encouragement and tough love while I did laundry in our bathtub, triple-checked the garage-entry door every night, and nursed my daughter through Flu B (oh, yeah, that also happened).

Not a complainer by nature (or nurture — a Marine, after all), I knew we had a problem when the tough love didn’t work.

What I Didn’t See Coming

He returned, winged and qualified (and no one here is shocked that all the appliances were suddenly repaired and our daughter’s fever broke). And he returned, knowing this job wasn’t for him. So, where tough love failed, I gave him my support.

By the end of that week, he’d officially resigned and had a start date as a government-contracted instructor close to home. His stress practically melted away before my eyes, and he even started laughing at my always-dry, always-hilarious humor again (phew).

So, what did I learn?

  1. If the cost is comparable, just buy a new washer instead of getting the broken one repaired.
  2. Parents have superhuman strength — enough to lift a car (or a garage door) to get to their kids.
  3. Murphy’s Law lives on after military separation.
  4. And, most importantly, the retirement plan may change. The first job might not be THE job. He might have to try on a few second careers to find one he wants and find out what he doesn’t want.

I didn’t see that last one coming, despite my own kaleidoscope career. It’s the one thing I would tell any military spouse whose service member is approaching retirement. It may take a couple of tries, but they’ll find the right fit.

Blog Brigade unites military spouses by creating a community built on shared experiences and mutual support. Navigating the complexities of military life can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Military OneSource offers valuable resources focused on well-being, readiness, and connection. Explore a range of retiring resources and tools tailored to your needs.

Featured Topics

Man sitting with dog on dock

PCS Prep

woman meditating

Self-Care