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Military Life According to MilKids

 Posted by on April 24, 2018 at 11:25
Apr 242018

The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, my dad was offered a job that would have moved us out of town. Because I was a bratty teenager, I felt my “You can’t move me in the middle of high school; it’s not fair” argument was as valid as my dad’s argument for career advancement, better pay, blah, blah, blah.


We ultimately didn’t move. My dad found a job elsewhere in my hometown. The pay wasn’t as great as the opportunity he passed up, but we got to stay put. I got my way. If I know them at all, my family would agree it all worked out, but I’ve always harbored some guilt over the way I acted that summer.

We ask a lot of our military kids (mine will gladly tell you I ask them to take the trash out, clean their rooms and brush their teeth way more than a nice mom would). They didn’t ask to grow up in a world where the only constant is the lack of consistency. They change schools and make new friends every two or three years, and they regard mom or dad being gone as something as ordinary as Monday rolling around after a weekend.

It’s a tough job, but they always come through, and the military community rallies behind them. There are free tutoring resources, specialized non-medical counseling options, Operation Purple Camp, Daddy Dolls and books dedicated to them. Each April has even been deemed the Month of the Military Child, for crying out loud. That’s the only recognition I’m aware of that celebrates the sacrifices and resilience of kids just because of their parent’s profession. But, if you ask me, they deserve it, all of it, and more.

I had a thought the other day: Do they know how amazing they are? Do they know the why behind daddy leaving or our family moving? Do they think we’ve gypped them in some way, and is that going to materialize in some sort of passive-aggressive phase in 10 years (a mom needs to be prepared, after all)?

So, channeling my inner Lois Lane, I sat down and interviewed my kids. J, my son, is seven, and R, my daughter, is nearly five.

The interview

Me: Where were you born?

R: The United States!

Me: Do you know which state?

R: Sorry, no. I can’t remember. It was a long time ago.

J, laughing at his sister: New Bern, North Carolina

Me: How many places have you lived?

J: Do you mean countries, or states, or—

Me: —whichever.

J, speaking with his hands: OK, so three states, plus Japan.


J: Nuh-uh, you only lived in two sta—

Me: There’s no wrong way to tell me. She said three. That’s right, three places altogether.

R, dreamily as she sits in her kitchen in Japan: Wow, I can’t believe I got to live in California.

J: Yeah, that’s where the Great Chicago Fire happened.

Me: Nope, that was in Chicago, Illinois.

R: Where is “Illi-snows” at?

Me, sensing the rabbit hole: Next question, which house was your favorite so far?

J, still giggling from question one: This one is funny because the laundry room is right by the kitchen. All but one of his houses has been like this.

R: I really like Nana and Papa’s house because they don’t have an upstairs.

Me: But, that wasn’t one of our houses.

R: Oh, yeah.

J: I liked our California house because it had soft, “turney” stairs. A landing.

R: I “reery, reery” liked those swirly stairs in our cabin.

J, now in complete hysterics: We didn’t live there either! We were just there on vacation.

R, joining in the contagious laughter: Oh, yeah, right.

Me: What school was your favorite so far?

R: MISS KELLI’S SCHOOL!!!! The CDC in Monterey, California.

J: This one, this one! Because I get to go upstairs every Wednesday. Apparently, stairs are synonymous with cool.

Me: What is the best part of moving?

R: That we’re in the military!

Me: Right, that’s why we have to move, but what do you like about moving?

R: Ummm…OH! We get new furniture, but it’s really the furniture we already had!

J: I like hotel rooms. They’re really nice. Oh, and airplanes, of course.

Me: What’s the worst part about moving?

R, with eyes as big as dinner plates as she flashed back to the Japanese Encephalitis vaccination: Getting shots. I hate shots.

J: It takes a long time to get there and get our stuff.

Me: Is your dad gone a lot?

J: Mmmhmmm.

Me: Where does he go?

J: To work.

R: And Hawaii! And he eats pancakes.

Me: Do you miss him when he’s gone?

J: I only miss him when I’m at home because when I’m at school, I’m having fun.

Me, teasing and only mildly hurt: So, you don’t have fun with me at home?

J: (blushing) Mooooommmm, stop!

Me: What is your daddy’s job?

J: Being in the military…

R: I forgot the name…

J: …I think it’s the…Army?

My husband, bounding into the room: WHAT!?!

J, jumping two feet out of his dining room chair: Ahh, oh yeah, Marines! I meant Marines! We all laughed, and I kicked my husband out of the room again, so I can get some organic answers.

Me, whispering as not to disturb the Marine in the next room: What do Marines do all day?

J, deadpan: Paperwork.

R: And fly airplanes.

J, summoning the courage to name drop again: It’s a C-130…or a CB30

Me: You were right, C-130.

Me, just for fun: What is mommy’s job?

J: To get us to school on time.

Me, shrugging: Well, that is something I do.

R: Your job is bigger than outer space!

Me: How many friends do you have?

J: So many that I can’t even count them.

R, modestly: Like a 100.

Me: Where do your friends live?

J: Most of them…I actually don’t know. They could be anywhere by now.

R: Ooooh! I know where one friend lives! I saw her!

Me: Why do you think we have to move?

J, very matter-of-factly: Because we’re in the military, and I know that because someone told me.

R: …chewing a piece of chicken…

Me: You’ve lived on base and off base. Which one is better?

J: On, because on base we have a library, the MCX, two squadrons, a pool, another pool and a gym. Oh! And I get to play outside until colors.

R: Off base, one of my friends lives there.

Me: Would you rather live in one place forever or move around?

In unison: MOVE AROUND!!!

Me: Why?

My husband, who had snuck back into the kitchen: Why?

J: Dad, you can’t ask us anything, only mom can ask.

J, staring at me expectantly, clearly unaware I already asked: Well, are you going to ask me?

Me: Exhale. Why?

J: Because living in one place is boring. And, I notice that we’re in a pattern. We move every two or three years.

Me: Where do you think we will move next?

R: B’ginia.

J: Yeah, Virginia, because they have tree houses there, and we could probably get one. Or a pool…

Me: How many places do you think you’ll live by the time daddy retires?

R: I can’t count that high, I’m only four.

J: Like, 100

Me: What does retire mean?

J: Retire means that you get taken away from your job and you have to go find another job.

Me: What is your favorite thing about being a military kid?

R: We get to move and then we get new furniture, but it’s really our old furniture, but we missed it, so that makes me happy.

J: We get to move a lot.

I go through phases of guilt for asking so much of these kids — uprooting them, making them endure such a boring house while my husband is away (thanks a lot, son). But, getting their thoughts made me feel so much better. Most of what worries me doubles as their favorite parts of their childhood, and we’re giving them a pretty cool one. We all are.

Apr 172018

Moving up, out, and into adulthood can be an exciting time for you and your high school senior. I’m a firm believer that the universe has a way of making this transition easier. Of course, we will all miss our children’s smiling faces and reminisce about how much they’ve grown and all they have accomplished. But there is a little place in every parent-of-a-senior’s heart that secretly will not miss picking up smelly lacrosse gear, vacuuming those little AstroTurf pebbles out of the carpet or constantly barking at them about chores. As parents, we want to make sure our kids are prepared to leave the nest. Here are some tips for parenting seniors through the transition into adulthood.


  1. Financial management classes. Most high schools now require students to complete a personal financial management class before graduation. If your high school doesn’t, insist that your child take an online course.
  2. Allowance changes or a job. “Mom, I need money for the basketball game.” “Mom, I need gas money.” “Mom, can I have money to eat out with my friends?” “Mom, I need a haircut.” We’ve heard them all. If your child is able to hold down a job while also continuing with the demands of his or her extracurricular requirements, great! A part-time job in high school is a great option. If your family relies on the allowance route, consider slowly increasing your child’s allowance while reducing the number of a-la-carte money handouts. With the increased cash comes the increased responsibility of budgeting his or her own money. One strategy for determining an appropriate allowance would be to add up what you pay for annually—haircuts, gas, clothing, extracurricular handouts, etc. Allot this amount, monthly, into a teen checking account they can manage on their own (with guidance from mom and dad, of course). This can help your senior learn to budget and understand how much things cost in the real world.
  3. Let them make mistakes. When your child leaves the house, they won’t have you to rescue them every time they turn something in late or they forget their lunch at home. Teach your child logical consequences by allowing them to learn from their mistakes. Put the ownership of their daily activities on them. It will not kill your senior to make their own lunch, to reload their own lunch account (included in the allowance budget), or to track their own grades. We can keep a watchful eye by checking in, but as they near adulthood, it should be less often and with more of the responsibility on the child.
  4. Teach them basic skills. True story, my son did not know how to deposit cash into an ATM until this year, and he is 17. I just assumed he knew, but he didn’t. Teach your children basic skills—how to pick out produce in the grocery store, how to read nutrition labels, how to compare prices, how to tip the server, etc. When it’s time to replace the tires on the car, ask them to do the research. Don’t assume that your child knows the ins and outs of adulthood. Take the time to share your knowledge in a loving way.
  5. Establish expectations of adulthood. Talk to your child about how you see your communication changing when they leave the house. Come to a consensus on a reasonable amount of communication. Let’s be real. They may not want to call us every day (even though we’re awesome) but it’s not unreasonable to ask to hear from them regularly. If you see your financial role changing in their life, share that with them and together, come up with a plan to ease that transition. If they are college bound, set a realistic GPA you expect to see at school. Talk about how they will manage real world situations that will require them to make good choices. Communicating, openly, about how life will be different will help you and your child grow.

Preparing your senior for adulthood and letting go of some of the responsibility of your child’s daily activities is hard. You have been the momager or dadager for almost 18 years! Don’t think of it as “letting go.” Think of it as teaching them to survive and thrive as a young adult. Be honest with your child about what they can expect and prepare them with knowledge. Then, prepare yourself for that first call home when they ask for your advice. Just because they leave the house doesn’t mean you stop caring. You are simply entering a new phase of your relationship. Good luck!

Apr 092018

April is the Month of the Military Child and is the perfect time to celebrate our MilKids for rolling with the punches that military life brings. To celebrate, spend the day with your kids, focused on activities that show how great military life is – including learning to overcome the challenges that come with deployments and PCS.


  • Purple up! Join others in wearing purple on Thursday, April 26, 2018, to celebrate military kids. Schools and businesses across the nation will wear purple to show support and appreciation for MilKids’ strength and sacrifices.
  • Explore your base. Go to MilitaryINSTALLATIONS to find the locations and hours for the facilities your base offers. Together, discover and enjoy what you have earned by serving: parks, bowling, pool, gym, library, exchange, sports fields, MWR and more.
  • Plan a trip. Visit your base Information, Tickets and Tours office to see what events are happening and what discounts they can offer. Let the kids help choose what to do and make the plans with your guidance.
  • Watch TV. Sharing your kids’ favorite shows together can give you more to talk about. For preschoolers, Sesame Street for Military Families offers shows and downloadable activities by military life topic.
  • Surf the web. Show your kids, tweens or teens Military Kids Connect where you can watch videos, play games and learn more about military life. You might learn something more about each other, too.
  • Follow your USO. Find your local USO center on the map and then call them or follow them on their social media pages to discover what free or discounted events they offer.
  • Treat your MilKid. Give your child a budget for the day and let them decide where to go and what to spend money on. Use this opportunity to share and compare movie, toy and food prices on and off base so they can see how far they can stretch their money.
  • Gift them education. Teens stress a lot about applying to college and for scholarships. Take a day and help them find military scholarship opportunities and help them apply.
  • Hit a homerun. Make active memories with your MilKids on base. Bring your sports gear and see how many sports you can play in a day. Between the laughs, bloopers and exertion, you’ll have inside jokes to enjoy for years.

Pros and Cons of Having a Baby Overseas

 Posted by on March 27, 2018 at 09:08
Mar 272018

Growing your family is always an exciting decision, but it can be a little different when you are stationed overseas. When my husband and I first got to Europe, we thought we wouldn’t want to have another baby so far from family. After being there a while, and meeting mothers who recently delivered babies on base, we were convinced that it was possible and eventually, we decided to have our fourth child while stationed overseas.


Since it is different than being in the States, there are a few factors you must consider when deciding to have a baby while stationed outside of the U.S. I’ve outlined the pros and cons below with some tips from my experience to help you with your journey!

First up, the “pros”:

  • Military hospitals: Base hospitals are staffed with American doctors and nurses who offer the same quality of care you will find in the States. In some small hospitals, the care is more personal than what you find stateside. Our base hospital only averaged one birth per week, so each mother was given the star treatment while she was a patient.
  • Citizenship: A baby born overseas to two married American citizens is automatically an American. However, if at some point in the future your child might want to become a citizen of the country they were born in, that’s a possibility.
  • Supportive community: Overseas bases generally have a tight-knit American community. This means bringing meals to new mothers, helping with rides to school for older children and sharing baby clothes or gear. While not all units are the same, there’s a good chance the groups you connect with on base will be happy to help you.

Next up, the “cons”:

  • High-risk pregnancies: Military hospitals overseas aren’t always equipped to handle high-risk situations. In these cases, you will be referred to a specialist off base or to a local hospital. Fortunately, TRICARE covers all prenatal care and birthing procedures, even if you are referred off base. They will also cover a translator to accompany you if an English-speaking doctor is not available.
  • Extra paperwork: Instead of a traditional birth certificate, the baby will receive a Certification of Birth Abroad. Parents will need to follow instructions for obtaining the birth certificate and possibly a translation from the local government. You will also need to apply for a Social Security number and a passport as soon as the baby is born. Military bases have classes and can offer support throughout the paperwork process.
  • Travel complications: One challenge to having a baby overseas is that the baby is not able to travel out of that country until they have been issued a passport. There are ways to expedite this process, but it still takes at least one to two months. Consider this when planning a move or a vacation.

With quality care from a base hospital and support from the American community, having a baby overseas can be a smooth experience. Were any of your children born while you were stationed overseas? Share your experience with us.

PCS MilKid Safety

 Posted by on December 27, 2017 at 10:50
Dec 272017

Setting up your new home after a PCS is a beast of a job, especially when towers of boxes are staring down at you from the ceiling – which can be a real safety hazard for your kids. Maybe you’re finding yourself preparing to move…. well, again. Or maybe it’s your very first time. It’s relatively easy to keep your kids safe in a home that you’ve had an opportunity to childproof – but what about when you’re amid moving chaos? Here are a few tips to consider for keeping your milkids safe while you put your new home together:


  1. Use caution with medication and cleaning supplies. Your belongings tend to end up in random places throughout the house when you’re unpacking. Make sure medication and cleaning supplies end up behind a childproof lock or in a high cabinet where little hands can’t reach them.
  2. Check for carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. If you move into a home that already has them, make sure to change the batteries and test them. If your house doesn’t have them, you’ll want to install them as quickly as possible.
  3. Take precaution to prevent falls. It will take time for your family to adjust to the layout and architectural elements of your new home. Install safety netting to keep children from falling through railings that are too wide and repair any that are loose or broken. And, be sure to install gates at the top and bottom of staircases.
  4. Keep trash bags out of reach. Remember that plastic bags and packaging (which you’ll have a lot of during a move) are choking hazards.
  5. There’s no substitute for supervision. Pocket change will undoubtedly end up in the couch cushions, toys break, and sinks and bathtubs can easily overflow. It only takes a second for an accident to happen. Make it a rule to keep one eye on the box you’re unpacking and the other on the kids!

Once all the boxes are out of the way, do a walk-through of your new home, paying special attention to anything that will be at the eye-level of each of your children. This will allow you to identify and correct any safety issues before your child finds them. Wishing you many new memories in your new home!

Nov 142017

Last Sunday afternoon, our family of four walked out our front door together. We walked right by both family cars (lemons that we paid a grand total of $4,200 for when we arrived in Japan). We walked down the sidewalk of our duplex-lined street, passing neighbors, busy playgrounds, our commissary, the building where mommy volunteers and eventually wound up at the base theater.


I paid $12 for four tickets and we shuffled inside to grab popcorn and drinks before our movie. In line, we saw friends and made plans for future lunch dates. Once seated, I did the classic mom move and divided the popcorn between kids with just enough time leftover to squeeze in an adult conversation with my husband before the previews started. We were quickly interrupted by our 6-year-old son who tried frantically to get me to take the popcorn tray I had just given him. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied confidently, “They’re about to play the anthem, mom. I need to stand up.”

It took exactly three movies in that theater for my son to remember to stand for our anthem before the start of our movie — something a civilian movie-goer would probably find strange. I was so proud that my usual Star-Spangled Banner goosebumps rose twice as tall. The anthem ended, we sat down and I passed the popcorn tray back down to my son.

The differences between a Sunday afternoon here and one back in the states, living off base, are subtle. However small, though, our life is different here. We are different here. Maybe it’s because we’re getting our first real taste of base living, or our first real taste of overseas living — maybe some combination of the two. Before any big move, parents ask themselves something like, “Are we doing the right thing for our family?” We asked ourselves that very question before moving to Japan. The answer is revealed in little moments like our son remembering to stand in the theater; our lives have been shaken up in the best ways by moving here.

  1. We start our day with morning colors. I never have to look far for Monday motivation — it plays every morning at 8 am, without fail.
  2. We pause for Kimigayo. Out of respect for our host nation, we remain standing for the Japanese national anthem that directly follows our own. Our kids know the name of the song and why they are standing for it. That, to me, is a real-life lesson in respect.
  3. We walk. The value of our cars in the second sentence of this blog was not a typo; we paid next to nothing for them. They get us from point A to point B, unless point B is within walking distance, as it usually is on base. I drove to the pool once. By the time I found a parking spot it was within sight of our house and I felt ridiculous. We haven’t driven to the pool since.
  4. When we do drive, it’s painfully slow. There’s a poorly translated cautionary sign at the end of our street that reads “Dead Slow.” If you’ve ever driven on base, you get it — you’ve probably even thought it a couple of times. The 30 kph (less than 20 mph) was tough to adjust to, I’ll admit, but I don’t mind it now. There are so many pedestrians and bicyclists, many of them kids, that I prefer to take it slow and keep everyone safe.
  5. We watch old movies. Our theater shows movies long after they’ve premiered in the states, including the one I mentioned earlier. I feel confident in speaking for everyone when I say that not a single person cares.
  6. We get creative with groceries. It’s fantastic living right down the street from the commissary, except on the days it’s awaiting a shipment. Walking down the bread aisle only to find dinner rolls and otherwise empty shelves was a first for me. But, I’m not complaining. Our local Japanese grocery stores have fresh produce and plenty of opportunities to be adventurous. It’s nothing like grocery shopping stateside, but that’s why it’s an adventure!
  7. We take care of each other here on base. Family members, classmates, neighbors, friends, it doesn’t matter. We recognize that we’re all together here in this community. Regardless of rank or situation, we tackle things together.
  8. We fall asleep to TAPS. Even on the worst day, when nothing went right, it’s a little reflection and a little perspective.
Oct 242017

When I had kids, it didn’t occur to me just how different they could be. I raised two boys–one outgoing and charismatic and the other socially awkward and difficult in a group. I didn’t understand how I could raise them in the same house with the same values, yet send them off to have such vastly different experiences at school.


My oldest always struggled to make friends. Let’s just say he marched to the beat of his own drum. That was hard for people—kids and parents alike. It was even hard for us, sometimes. Many times, he came home to tell me about something that had happened at school with his “friends” that was clearly bullying. It broke my heart to see how it affected his self-esteem, his grades, and his willingness to be himself, especially since I had a similar experience growing up. In his middle school years, the bullying led to him feeling like he had to change for other people to fit in.

My youngest had a very different experience in school. He made friends easily and rarely struggled with relationships. As he got older, I noticed that he was one of the people picking on his big brother for being different. It was at that point my husband and I realized we had a real issue. My son was headed down the path to becoming a bully—and we weren’t okay with it. Not having grown up with a lot of support from my parents when I was bullied, I had no idea how to fix this growing problem. So, I started researching.

I didn’t like what I found. I learned that in some instances, lack of attention at home or even parental behavior can contribute to a child becoming a bully. I started to look more deeply at my own relationships. Did something I was doing play a role in teaching him to bully? I started thinking about how I treated people. Did the relationships I had in my life teach my kids that being different is okay? What did only keeping to my tight circle of friends or all that trash talking about neighbors or coworkers teach my kids about relationships? What was I teaching my kids about a person’s worth?

It’s hard to admit that when I took a hard look in the mirror, my son was not the only one who needed an attitude adjustment. I wasn’t outright telling my child to be a bully, but my actions were giving him permission by showing him it was okay to treat people poorly. And by choosing to ignore some of the digs he would make at his brother, or even sometimes hopping on the proverbial band wagon, I was leaving my older son to fend for himself. When I realized my role in what was happening, I was ashamed and embarrassed. But I knew that like all parents, I could make mistakes if I was willing to learn and grow in the process.

So, as a family, we made some changes in the way we treated each other and those around us. We worked hard to learn how to treat everyone with kindness, simply because they are human beings. We taught each other how to be more tolerant of different points of view by listening instead of always having the last word, even when we passionately disagreed. We constantly practiced the art of respectful disagreement—and we can argue like champs!

By the time my kids were in high school, I’m happy to say that my oldest son found his niche of friends that accepted him just the way he was and my youngest became one of the kindest hearts I know. I have most definitely changed the way I interact with everyone, from coworkers to friends to family—but most importantly the way I interact with my kids. In our family, we now choose kindness above everything else.

Do your research to understand what bullying is and how to prevent it in your family. Change did not happen overnight, and honestly, it wasn’t easy. But looking back now, I can see what a drastic difference it has made in our lives and how much happier we became in the process.

What Happened to 5210?

 Posted by on October 16, 2017 at 10:39
Oct 162017

You might remember a little experiment I conducted in our house a few months back to test just how easy it was for a real military family to stick to the 5210 plan for healthy military kids. To jog your memory, 5210 recommends:


  • 5 servings of fruits and veggies daily
  • Closely monitored screen time for ages 2 and older
  • 1 hour of physical activity daily
  • 0 sugary drinks

We survived 5210 for five days, but, what happened on day six, seven, 152, etc.?

It’s time for some real talk. First, juice boxes are currently stocked in our fridge for my son’s lunches. Second, my kids had the weirdest summer of their lives. It started in May when we left California to travel to Texas on our pre-PCS goodbye tour followed by a three-day trip to Japan. They didn’t go back to school until August 30. That’s a lot of summer, you guys. Were they active every day? Unless you count hauling through the airport to catch connecting flights, no. Finally, we faced, and to an extent are still facing, the challenges of getting settled in a new place. Screen time, honestly, was necessary some days so that I could unpack for more than five minutes without interruption. Fruits and veggies aren’t as widely available here as they were in the salad bowl that is the central coast of California, and what I can get my hands on looks different. If you’re a parent trying to coerce a picky eater, you know that appearances are half the battle.

Now that we’ve been in Japan about three months and the kids have the routine of school, this is a good time for me to re-evaluate where we’re at on the 5210 scale:

Fruits and veggies
Here in Japan, the cucumbers (a favorite veggie for my kids) are closer in size to pretzel rods. By the time I peel them — because my son has something against peels – there’s hardly anything left. Most of the fruit I’ve seen are outrageously priced (seriously $12 for a small watermelon). I’ve started to really count on frozen fruits for smoothies (I swore I would never be a smoothie person, but here we are) and frozen veggies for dinner sides.

We lose points for falling from our previous perfect score of five fruits and veggies every day, but we fit them in anywhere we can. Some days we have more, some less. While we miss all the readily available produce, we’re expanding our palate over here. The kids are eating curry (and warming up to the idea of sushi) and they are slowly coming around to the skinny cucumbers.

Screen time vs. physical activity
I watched (err, overheard) more Phineas and Ferb than I care to admit this summer. My kids were home, my husband was gone and I was staring at a whole lot of cardboard boxes that had to be unpacked before Japan could start to feel like home. So, yes, my kids watched a lot of TV and — despite my best efforts — it wasn’t all educational. But, I’m OK with it because: 1. We were in transition, and 2. That wasn’t all they did this summer. They also spent six weeks in swim lessons; my 6-year old even passed his swim test to swim solo in the pool. They also learned not only to walk to and from swim lessons, but to walk everywhere here on our little base. We walk to school and from school, the library and the pool.

Now that school is in session, between eating, school, homework, afterschool activities — currently gymnastics – and the bedtime routine, they only have an hour or two to themselves. If they want to spend some of that on screen time, I’m cool with that. And, when we do have time to spare, we can usually be found park hopping around Japan’s incredible playgrounds.

Sugary drinks
This one is short and sweet (pun absolutely intended). Do they drink sugary drinks? Yes. Do they drink water and milk more often? Yes.

To me, it’s not about never having sugary drinks — my kids are going to have root beer floats occasionally and I’m not going to apologize for it — it’s about instilling the mindset that they can’t only have sugary drinks. They know water comes first, and if they ever had doubts, walking all over base in the summer heat sure gained water some popularity points.

Looking ahead
I will continue to use 5210 more as a reminder to teach my kids healthy habits than as a hard and fast rule. There is no point adding one more element of stress; parenting and childhood already have plenty without losing sleep over missing a portion of veggies. Let’s just agree to do all we can to achieve a happy, healthy balance for our kids and for ourselves.

Relationship Maintenance

 Posted by on October 10, 2017 at 10:05
Oct 102017

Maintenance is something we schedule for what we value in life. Kids have their scheduled checkups with the doctor, you have your yearly physical, pets have their annual veterinarian checks, and the car and HVAC system get yearly upkeep. Relationships also need regularly scheduled maintenance to stay healthy. Here’s a five-point checklist to share with your partner on a regular basis to keep your relationship in peak health.


  • Division of labor. Although it’s ideal to evenly split the house, yard and parenting work, military families don’t always have that luxury. Do your best to work as a team to get things done and remember to regularly let your partner know that you appreciate what they do.
  • Time together. Keep the reason you fell in love at the forefront by finding fun in the everyday. Make date nights a priority and try the Love Every Day app to help you develop and practice good communication in your relationship.
  • Time alone. Like plants, kids and critters, you too need to be fed. Take time for yourself to nurture your soul with something that brings you joy. Support each other in this and you’ll find you have even more to talk about.
  • Parenting principles. To be the best parents you can be, you need teamwork (with a partner or your village of friends and family). Kids will divide and conquer if you aren’t a united force. Talk in private about your parenting goals, strategies and disagreements. And above all, always back each other in front of the kids.
  • Financial goals. When you agree on a financial goal and commit to making it happen, you are more likely to achieve it. Talk about what you want for your future, make a common goal that will get you closer to the dream and work like a team to get there.

Early on in our marriage, I didn’t think we needed relationship advice from others, but that was before deployments and kids. We’ve all experienced, or will soon, the stress that builds before and after TDYs and deployments (not to mention during). Those kinds of separations and reunions can challenge even the strongest couples. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Military OneSource has some great relationship resources and free, confidential non-medical counseling that can give your relationship a healthy boost.

Balancing Back to School

 Posted by on August 29, 2017 at 09:27
Aug 292017

For my family, back to school means back to chaos and crazy schedules. Gone are the days when the kids sleep in and I don’t have to pack lunches or play chauffer. The words “back to school” invoke a dichotomy of emotion for me. On one hand, it’s nice to have a set schedule and for my son to be at school most of the day. On the other hand, it means that we have more to fit into our days with sports, committees, fundraisers and events. I work full time with two kids, a deployed husband and a ranch with 50 or so animals. We live in a very small ranching community where everyone knows everyone… and their mother’s sister’s boy with the yellow tractor up the road. Because it is such a small community, everyone knows who does and doesn’t attend functions or help out with things, so the pressure is high.


I am definitely not a super mom who is involved in every aspect of my kids’ lives. I know some of them, and I envy their commitment, but that’s simply not attainable for me. When my husband isn’t deployed, I am the primary source of income for our family. My career is very important to me and I work a lot. As a result, I have very little spare time. Here are a few tips I’ve found that provide the most impact when it comes to my kids’ activities:

  1. Befriend the super mom. We always have one in the group who is involved in everything and loves to do it. I usually offer to help in small ways, but don’t take on a large chunk of the responsibility. For example, if we are having a bake sale and I can’t devote hours to being there, I can spare 20 minutes to make brownies from a box and give them to her.
  2. Ask your child what is important. We often get a schedule of school events for the upcoming month that contains awards ceremonies, concerts, lunches, etc. I ask my son about each event and if he is participating. The less he knows about the topic, the less involved he is likely to be. Sometimes I have to skip the smaller things in order to hit the bigger things.
  3. Enlist help. My family is wonderful and very involved in each other’s lives. I can always count on them to help out – whether it’s bringing snacks to the T-ball team or helping to decorate for a class party.
  4. Don’t be afraid to say no. Truthfully, I say no more often than I say yes. Sometimes I am able to do a little something to help out, and sometimes I have to flat out say that I can’t help at all. Mom guilt is real, but at the end of the day, I have to pick and choose to participate in things based on what’s best for the greater good.

My kids won’t remember that I didn’t go on every field trip, and they certainly won’t remember how many cookies I sold at the bake sale. But they will remember that I tried to be there as often as I could, and if nothing else, I always encouraged them to participate.

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