Kelli
So exactly how does one survive the holiday season when one is not feeling in the holiday spirit? It’s not an easy or simple answer. And in addition to not feeling jolly, if you’re me, you also load a whole bunch of guilt into your pack as well because you don’t feel jolly. How’d you like to be my therapist?
Holidays can often bring out the worst, or sometimes the weirdest, in us. One Thanksgiving, I wanted to expose my children to more than just mashed potatoes, corn, and turkey. I went to a source of great inspiration: my boss.
One of her many talents is her skill in the kitchen. She is one of the most adventurous and knowledgeable kitchen divas I know. Almost all the dishes she has given me have been a success. However, I was messing with my family’s expectations of Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t recommend this unless you slowly prepare your family weeks in advance. I collected a few recipes to add an exciting and special twist to our Thanksgiving feast. Now let me assure you, I prepared them correctly and they were wonderful. My fast food addicted and pizza loving family, however, was not as impressed. I was not thankful for any of them that day.
One Christmas, during a year-long separation, I had three small children and was living in the same town as my family. Even though I had support, I still had my own home, worked, and volunteered and bossed my oldest three offspring around. I was exhausted. I tried a “gratitude” journal. I needed to do something because I was a little grumpy. I was supposed to write down three things each day I was grateful for. One entry at the end of a particularly difficult day read, “I am grateful: my children are breathing, my children are asleep, and I found three double stuffed Oreo’s.” That was about all I could muster.
So the gratitude journal didn’t necessarily make me feel like I was Santa’s helper, but what it did do was require me to focus on, and some days actually figure out, good things from that day. After a while when you spend each evening purposefully finding the positive in life, you start doing it automatically. It becomes a habit. Side-note: it’s a good way to vent too. I also wrote, “I hope I don’t damage these children before the end of this deployment!” The vote is not in for all six yet. We’ll see what they all have to say.
Finding the positive doesn’t erase the difficult or depressing situation you may find yourself in, but it does help you get through it; maybe even grow from it a little bit.
Creating service opportunities is also another way to change your mood and outlook and help you find gratitude for what you do have. You don’t have to do big enormous service projects; you can just look outside your front door and, with your kids in tow, do secret service for your neighbors. Then leave them cookies or brownies with a note that says “some little elves stopped by to rake your leaves, love Santa” or whatever. Or if you’re me you just leave a note. I would burn the cookies.
I think another big way to keep from becoming even more anti-thankful is be careful to manage your family’s expectation of the holidays as well as your own. Understanding the purpose of the holiday for your family is the best place to start. If it’s lounging around the TV watching football, then forcing your family into suits and ties with china and crystal for dinner might be a tad frustrating. Pretty sure I’m speaking from some experience here.
Being thankful is really a state of mind. A very personal decision and choice one has to make regardless of one’s environment or situation.
What if your burdens seem too heavy and the sadness doesn’t lift? No one should ever be ashamed or embarrassed to seek support and assistance with managing the blues. Everyone is made differently and we all have our different ways of coping. Sometimes even our best efforts at coping are not enough. You owe it to your family to take care of yourself in every way. Nothing is more upsetting at the holidays than to feel like you can’t help someone you love who is unhappy.
So for my crazy crew am I taking my own advice? Am I thankful this year? Why yes I am. The following request from my children for this year’s Thanksgiving dinner helped take some of the pressure off: normal corn, normal green beans, normal mashed potatoes, normal yams, normal pies, and football, lots of football.
Today’s gratitude journal entry would read, “I am grateful: I can Skype with my family who can’t be here, especially my oldest daughter who lives far away, my husband is cooking, and my children think I can make normal food.”
Once you start looking for what is good, finding your joy will be easier this holiday season. It really is the little things that bring us the most joy!
